- 5 months ago
I would like to start this post by saying… that I personally believe everyone gossips, hopefully just a little. Everyone. Including myself.
I visited my inlaws over Easter weekend for the first time in 5 months. I typically dont go this long without seeing them but if I’m being honest my immediate family (sisters, brothers, dad and step-siblings and my inlaws) consists of a whopping 25 individuals which is alot of family functions and its alot to deal with. Sometimes too much, I normally make my inlaws a priority over my step-siblings functions but so far, this year, I havent. My inlaws have been getting the short stick thus far.
This weekend I go over to the house and one of the first things they ask is how my sister has been enjoying her new house. I answered the question and then asked how she knew. She told me, a mutual friend of the family. Then they asked how my father is enjoying his new condo. I answered, again the mutual friend of the family told them. Then they asked how my brother is enjoying the new city that he moved to. The mutual friend could have potentially told them but I have no clue. I stopped asking how they found everything out because at this point, I was annoyed. But if I had to guess, the mutual friend told them or they researched my brothers FB account whom, they are not “friends” with.
Okay, so I am struggling. I am a private person. I dont generally share news about myself unless I am asked. Like… a new job, what Ive been up to, what my summer plans are etc etc. However, if I am asked, I share. I dont get down to the nitty gritty and share every detail but I do share what I feel comfortable sharing. I also feel, no one is entitled to know anything unless I want to share it. Even family. I am just struggling with the fact that they knew all about my family and none of it came from my mouth. The thing is, they are very curious people and were the ones asking for the information from the mutual friend. In the past they have also grilled my husband with kind of odd questions about my family dynamics (ie. what sibling im closest to, do all my siblings get along, etc etc)
I know that every family is different. Fortunately, my family doesnt seem so curious in my husbands family. They almost never ask me about them and if they do have a question about them they ask my husband directly. Which is great, it gives him the ability to share as little or as much as he feels comfortable. Unfortunately, I dont get that same treatment from my inlaws. I feel a little disrespected always being asked ABOUT, but rarely being asked directly. Talking ABOUT personal things in my life but rarely talking WITH me about them. I just dont like that my family is obviously being discussed when I am not present, or that i am being talked about and I dont know to what degree, what negative or positive things are being said when I cannot be there to defend it.
How do I navigate this? What do I say/do without making it uncomfortable for my husband?
I would also like to say, I will not ask my husband to speak to them about this as I feel it kind of defeats the entire purpose of them talking to me instead of about me. It should be vice versa as well.