(Closed) How to Deal with Wedding Disappointment?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should focus on the things that should make you upset, and let go of the ones that, while painful and irritating, really need to just be let go.

For the limo driver– that is a sucky situation indeed, but it is just a business transaction. From the driver’s perspective, more hours = more money and they want to be sure up front they will be paid for those hours.  So let this one go.

For the many problems with the musicians, I’d definitely outline all of those and request a partial refund of your fees. You should not pay full price for that service.

As for the no-shows, you really can’t go ask them why they didn’t show up but definitely factor that behavior in when making future plans wiht them…

Post # 6
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

As a musician, I just want to say that I’m really sorry that the band you hired provided you with such shoddy service.  What they did was utterly unacceptable and I would hesitate to compensate them fully (or at least cut from their pay the extra you had to pay for your limo).  Ugh, that just makes me so mad for you! 

With regards to your hospital visit, I hope that you’re feeling better! 

Sorry that everything did not go as you planned, but I’m sure there were plenty of happy memories from the day as well!  And also, you’re married to the love of your life!! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

I wish that you had not had to deal with those extra disappointments and stresses on your wedding day! (The musicians sound like a bit of a mess, so I wonder if you can work out some kind of discount or refund with them?) I am so sorry you feel sad about these things. However, I would try to keep in mind that your guests didn’t know what things were “supposed” to be like, so they would not have had any reason to be disappointed. From your point of view, the real thing maybe didn’t live up to you and DH’s expectations. From the guests’ point of view, however, I’m sure it was a beautiful and perfect wedding that they felt honored to attend. They will remember it as a lovely day for the rest of their lives, so you can take pride in the fact that you put on a great ceremony and reception that enabled your family and friends to celebrate your marriage with you. Some of the details may have gotten messed up, but people will remember how beautiful  you looked in your dress, how emotional they felt seeing you and Darling Husband so happy, and how much fun they had at the reception more than they’ll remember the music, the decorations, or even your MIL’s behavior.

Post # 8
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Awww, I’m so sorry. I understand why you’re sad and disappointed. It’s okay to grieve over what you thought was going to be your perfect day.

The good news is that you’re married to the man you love, and you two have the rest of your lives to enjoy one ‘happiest day’ after another. 

Try to throw your energy into looking forward, rather than backward. Think of little surprises for your husband; write your dad a letter telling him how sad you are that you didn’t get to dance with him, but how blessed and happy you are to have him; reach out to your friends and relatives who were there for you and tell them how much they mean to you. Do your best to turn some of your disappointments into opportunities to strengthen your relationships. In time, some of your disappointments won’t seem so important, and hopefully others will have yielded something positive, and you’ll be able to see your wedding day as flawed but still beautiful and cherished, just like everything else good in life.

Best wishes to you and your husband in your new marriage!

Post # 9
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry your wedding had so many snafus! I certainly would not be recommending that band to anyone! But what is done is done, no use on dwelling on the negatives and making yourself miserable. Maybe some anniversary you could throw a really awesome anniversary party!!!

Post # 10
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry so many things went wrong, that sucks and I hope you take the appropriate action to get partial refunds/refunds from the musicians and companies that have let you down. That said, I can’t believe the one thing on this list that really shocks and appals me (getting an infection) was added as an after thought after dodgy decorations and having the wrong music playing as you walk down the aisle. I don’t want to be harsh, really I don’t, but it’s all about putting it into perspective. When it comes down to it you married the person you love, with your friends and family around you – everything else; decorations, seating plans, music, limos, is just the cherry on the top.

Look back, laugh about it, and move on. Im sure i’ve heard people say that disastrous weddings make for happy marriages.

Post # 13
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Make a list of the things that went right!  what felt amazing about your day, did you feel beautiful? how did you feel during the ceremony? how was the food? the dancing?  make a list of those things right now and post them πŸ™‚ 

you cant change the past, whats done is done.  I would deffinitly talk to the musicians as they seem to have messed up A LOT and did not play for the amount of time you payed them for, did you dance with your dad at all?

I say make a list right now of all the things taht went right!

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I am dealing with the same exact thing.  Not exactly the same events, but definitely bad events that have me looking back on my wedding day with sadness.

My mother-in-law and I ended up being the only people to decorate the entire reception.  The AC was broken.  I called Darling Husband and cursed him out for not having stayed to help and Mother-In-Law completely lost it on ME.  I will always remember her screaming at me on my wedding day.  We used to be as thick as thieves, now everytime I look at her and hear her voice, I can’t help but remember being yelled at on my wedding day.  She apologized, but it stings.  Especially since her other DIL is pregnant and abusing alcohol (and FBIL), and Mother-In-Law has never said a cross word to her.

Next order of business, EVERYTHING went wrong.  It was a Friday the 13th wedding, so I guess that was to be expected.  But, it was really disheartening because I put every ounce of my time and energy into planning that wedding for seventeen months.  I will never get those seventeen months of my life back, when I should’ve just thrown things together in the last couple of weeks.  The reception was beautifully decorated, but so many little things that I’d planned on having/doing went so wrong and it bothered me because I am very maticulous.

We were an hour behind on everything.  The music wouldn’t play right, and I had to do my own music at my own wedding.  Even though I had playlists, I had to start and stop the songs myself for the formal dances and cake cutting.  I should’ve designated someone to do that.

No one could figure out the bustle on my cathedral train, so I had to actually dance and walk around with my train hanging down. 

You can look back on my previous post for further details about my crazy wedding.

It was just a picture-perfect disaster, if you can imagine.  The way I look back on it without making myself upset is to remember the successes.  The ceremony was gorgeously decorated.  I didn’t have a panic attack, no fainting (was my biggest fear).  I was blissfully happy in that moment.  There was plenty of food and it was delish!  Everyone keeps raving about it.  The cake was beautiful AND delicious.  The dessert/candy buffet was a huge hit… and we’re MARRIED!!!

Post # 15
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

These sound like minor annoyances capable of happening at any event.

Every wedding or event has things that don’t go perfectly to plan but everyone who loved you showed up, your bridesmaids stood for you, your family was there, you married your man…

I’m sorry you’re so upset, I’m sorry that weeks later these things have you feeling disappointed.

But I think you need to work on appreciating what went well and learn to laugh about the rest.

Post # 16
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh Honey! I am so very sorry for the things that went wrong, and your feelings are perfectly reasonable. I finally realized that I was so upset over the wrong things at my own wedding because it was a ‘one shot deal’ – no way to say ‘well, next time I’ll get that part right’ (well I HOPE there’s no next time!). I think if you are a person who says ‘oh well, I’m moving on’ it’s much easier, but if you dwell on things, well, it’s just a rougher road. Here’s my advice:

1. *Do* write at length and detail to the vendors (band, florist) about your disappointment. I did this and expressing myself to them in writing did make me feel better. I even wrote a detailed memo to my planner under the guise of helping her with future clients – but really it was my way to vent, and afterwards I felt the need to grind through it all in my head over and over was greatly reduced.

2. Once your written vents are done, go over to YouTube and watch all the videos of wedding disasters that *aren’t* yours. It will cheer you up. You will say ‘well, the band was awful, but nobody pushed me into a pool’ or ‘I had a bunch of people not show up, but no one was taken away in a police car or an ambulance!’

3. After the above, I am with previous posters – do try to keep reminding yourself of anything you *did* love: “my bouquet was amazing’ or ‘the cake was so delicious’ or ‘aunt maggie’s toast meant so much to me’

4. Trust that time will help recede any disappointments. My wedding was two months ago and every week I am remembering what I loved more and more and the mistakes or disappointments seem to be shrinking away. I have a feeling that by my 1 year anniversary I will be saying ‘it was perfect!’ and mean it. Getting your professional pictures back will help a LOT because you will see how happy you and everyone else looks.

5. Start making plans now for an anniversary weekend getaway πŸ™‚

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