(Closed) How to deal witlh MIL always comparing me to her daughter?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@SamanthaLovesJames:  aww, im sorry that youve had to deal with that! )= its never nice to always be compared to somebody, let alone anyone from Father-In-Law.

 FMIL compares me with her daughter. We are the same age and have exactly the same style fashion wise (we both love it!). If I buy a new bag, she be like “oh ___ has the similar bag” or “___ just cut her hair too, have you seen it yet?” ffs I DONT CARE. i know it probably seems petty, but it gets more and more annoying its like, im just chillin here, and you wanna talk about her like she da bomb! whats ironic is that through our years together, ive finished high school, graduated university and now work full time, and while (this whole time she been bullying me telling everyone that i copy her style – which is so dumb and petty btw) shes currently doing her like 5th attempt at tafe at a 5th different course… and i never see my Future Mother-In-Law compare us in that aspect! >< Same thing, her mum is her only friend, they both gossip about anyone and everyone around them and pass judgment all the time. Fiance used to be like that when we first dated, until i told him, that its not nice and learned that that type of thing isnt normal! He doesnt get along with his sis anymore for a diff reason but it helps that i dont have to be around her much anymore.

 

sorry im probably not very helpful, but how i deal with it is just ignore it. seems easier said than done, but im pretty used to it now after 7 years lol

Post # 4
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

You just made me so glad my Darling Husband only has brothers! That would really bug me too. I don’t know how to stop it without an awkward conversation about it. I think you just need to not let it get under your skin and let those comments roll of your back. Or simply reply, ” thanks, but I actually like the way I do it better” and change the subject.

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yep, and it drives me nuts too! Compared to me, SIL’s house is soooo clean, and it’s nice that she spends so much time with my Mother-In-Law and invites her on outings with the grandchildren all the time, and she’s such a good cook, and on and on. The fact that my SIL works like 15-20 hours a week max compared to my 40 means nothing. I don’t have time to make my house spotless and constantly be experimenting with new reciptes (I also don’t believe those two things are the women’s job the way they do), nor do I intend to have a totally unhealthy relationship with my Mother-In-Law the way she does – they hang out together CONSTANTLY.

 

I think it’s kind of sad that SIL’s only friend is her mom. They take SIL’s son on vacations and out to activities and shows together just the two of them all the time and leave my SIL’s husband, who would like to be the one doing these things with his wife and child, at home. It is so freaking weird and unhealthy. I really haven’t found a way to shut down the comments, pretending to agree seems to draw the conversation to a close the fastest. But at this point it actually doesn’t even really bother me anymore, because I know that I would pretty much hate the person I would turn into and be totally unhappy with my life if I was doing it my Mother-In-Law and SIL’s way.

Post # 7
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@SamanthaLovesJames:  i know its common. thats why i shared my experience with you.

but just because its common, doesnt make it any suck any less.

Post # 8
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

@SamanthaLovesJames:  Yes, my Future Mother-In-Law compares me to FH’s brother’s wife and it pisses me off. I hate that it’s done in a “nice” or “helpful” way because then you always feel like you can’t say anything back. I’ve been contemplating how to handle this for a while now and finally decided on ignoring all of the superficial comparisons and speaking up when she makes a comment that is aimed towards manipulating me to change something significant about me that she refuses to accept. Not sure if this will help you or not, I can’t say how well this works because I haven’t tried it yet because I’ve been avoiding her for months because of this issue (she also compares me to other people besides Future Sister-In-Law so I’ve sort of reached my limit).  But I hope you can find a way to get through this.

Post # 9
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh, I have this. My FSMIL is always comparing what I do to my two FSILs. And it’s not always nice. She’s particularly unhappy about the fact that I don’t work with a 20-credit, 8-class courseload. 

Post # 10
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

You are certainly not the only one with this issue. My now exMIL used to compare me to her other DIL all the time.  It was really hurtful when she would say things like it’s so nice that Jennifer (DIL) does this or that. 

She would even compare me to her in ways I would never be able to live up to.  For example, she would talk about all the cute clothes Jennifer bought and how adorable and girly she looked.  Well Jennifer was 4’9″and I’m 5’11” so no way in hell I was going to look “adorable” like little Jennifer did in her new xmas outfit.

It got really bad when the other DIL had a baby and I was constantly told it was selfish of me to make my (now ex) husband wait for a baby because I was so focused on my career. 

I made a few comments to the Mother-In-Law about “comparing” apples and oranges but it never helped.  She would just say she was “just making helpful suggestions.” 

I did manage to shut her up about the baby thing when I pointed out that darling Jennifer and MIL’s darling son needed money from her to support the baby since Jennifer quit work.  I told her if she kept making the selfish comments and I got knocked up she should kiss her entire paycheck goodbye because fair is fair and I would expect her to “help” cover any costs of me quiting work.

Sadly, we never had a good relationship and my ex-husband’s apathy about the whole thing was one of the many reasons we ended up divorced. 

So I guess I don’t have very good advise but at least you know you aren’t the only one.

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

I must be evil because when my Mother-In-Law started doing that  to me I just returned the favor. I started comparing her to her sister and my mom and she hates it! Bua ha ha ha! 

Anyways when she finally had enough I told her why I was comparing her to her sis and my mom. She got the hint and stopped doing it. 

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