- 4 months ago
- Wedding: April 2013
Real talk – there are a couple of little things that my partner does that annoy the crap out of me. I’m sure you can all relate. In both of these situations I’ve brought the issue up many times (and have tried many different ways) but there has been no change in behavior. I’m struggling with deciding if I should just find the inner peace to get over it and let it go or if I should keep bringing it up. It’s sort of a question of what will be better for the long term – him “winning” the compromise by me just shutting up about it, or me “winning” the compromise by somehow finally getting him to act differently in these two small ways.
The two situations are totally mundane.
1) Expense reports. My husband never, ever does his expense reports. For this reason, we are out a few thousand dollars per year in money that his company should have reimbursed. I have reminded him, I have begged him, I have suggested strategies, I have fought with him, I have made bitchy remarks, I have encouraged him, I have offered to do them for him. This has been ongoing for years. For some utterly bewildering reason, he just cannot seem to do them. At this stage, I have essentially given up. We are in the fortunate financial position that the money wouldn’t make a material difference in our lives…but still, we are talking about thousands of dollars!
2) Laundry. My husband is a wonderful, wonderful man who does tons of housework. He’s an angel. But when he does the laundry, he does the strangest thing. He just throws clothes in the washer without sorting them. So all sorts of things are mixed together and a lot of our synthetic fabrics come out all streaky and either get worn looking shabby (for workout clothes) or go straight back into the wash (for work clothes). I have discussed this with him. I have taken him through how I sort the laundry and why. I have been nice, and I have been bitchy. I have shown him my clothes that are washed but clearly cannot be worn (at least to work) because of the marks. Luckly nothing has actally been ruined. If I’m home, I’ll usually do the laundry myself, but he often does it when I’m at work. Just last night I came home and he was doing laundry and he saw me look over and he said, “you’re going to love this, I just threw everything in together.” And I was like ok, I’m just going to walk away and take a deep breath and not say something that blows this out of proportion. I feel like a crazy person. Is it really so much to ask to sort the laundry before washing it? Like seriously, is this standard too high? Why can we not, as two adults, just agree on a simple, yet effective way to do something and do it, even though it’s slightly more upfront effort? Is it fair that I should have to own this when he is completely capable and has more free time? And what am I supposed to do? Forbit him from doing the laundry? Am I nuts? Do other people not sort their laundry? And is it valid for me to feel that the worst part is that he knows that this bothers me, but he does it anyway? Honestly, this makes me way more angry than the money thing, which is insane.
All that said, these are two tiny things in the landscape of a very wonderful human who I feel exceedingly lucky to be married to. I just know how it can sound when you make a post that only complains, so I feel obliged to say this.
Also, general laundry question, does anyone else have the same problem with their synthetic fabrics? Key offenders are things like leggings and anything black with a sort of sheen to it. I think it’s a combo of being carerul to wash these items seperately and making sure that you allow the soap to disolve well before putting in the clothes. Thoughts? Could it be something else?