Post # 1
I’m just wondering how people make the decision of when to start a family or how long to wait.
My husband and I got married in September (I’m 29 and he’s 30). I feel like for medical/biological clock type reasons we should get started sooner rather than later (ie right away since I’ll be 30 in June).
However, I vacillate between being excited about becoming a mom and being afraid to completely change my/our life!
We both want kids, but I think we are both afraid to take that leap.
How are you approaching this?
Post # 3
I just recently wrote about this issue on my blog: http://calioc.blogspot.com/2008/12/knot-nest-egg.html
It is a very personal decision, and I think that if you wait until all your fears go away, then you will never make the leap.
Post # 4
One thought: if you’re going to start trying soon, make sure to get off of bcp’s a year or so before you want to start trying! It can take some time for your body to adjust…
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
We’ve been married almost 4 years, and we started trying at the two year mark. Two miscarriages and a year off from trying later, I still feel like if I were younger, I’d have no problem waiting a couple more years. But I just turned 30 last October, and feel the clock starting to tick tick tick.
That 4 years of marriage really flew by.
I guess the answer is there is no right time. You’ll always be too busy or not have enough money or want more time with each other. When it happens, you’ll be happy and you’ll make it work.
Post # 6
Mrs. Bee and Rosy, you’ve got plenty of time! I’m looking at starting my family around the age of 38 (yikes!). At this point for me, time is starting to trump fear, but I don’t think I’ll ever really feel "ready". These are tough issues, made tougher by all of the unpredictability and stress involved.
Post # 7
I will be 39 by the time I get married in June – so to me you are a spring chicken! Release the anxiety and just know that if kids are a priority, you just do it. I personally think you can wait at least a year – all of my friends had babies after 35. In my case we have no time, it is now or never for us, and personally I am ok with whatever our future holds.
Post # 8
It’s true, you may never have enough money or time, but at some point you just have to take a leap. Maybe it’ll hit both of you one day like, hey, I think I wanna make some babies with ya! We want to wait a few years (I’m almost 25 & he’s almost 26) so we are pretty young still, but I also want babies before 30. We both agree that right now it’s not what we want because we want to enjoy married life with just the two of us. I guess when it’s the time we’ll just have that feeling, but for now I’m not sure because we haven’t been there yet.
Post # 9
We got married in Sept ’08. I’ll be 30 soon (my husband is 28) and my closest friends all have babies, but I don’t feel ready yet…so we think we’ll start at our 2 year anniversary. I definitely worry that we’ll have trouble if we wait too long, but for now I’m focusing on taking better care of myself (exercise, vitamins, etc) and just enjoying being a newlywed.
Post # 10
My husband and I are 22 and 25, been together 8 years. I’ve got baby fever something terrible, but we are waiting to begin trying until May. I’m a teacher, so it would be best if I got pregnant in July or August, but I guess if I have to take some time off from work, I have to! I have been taking vitamins and exercising, eating better, so that hopefully all systems are go!
Post # 11
Uh, *timidly speaks up* I feel very young here. I’m 20 and my husband is 27 and we were married October 13th, 2007. But I just gave birth to our son 11 days ago and I’m really glad we didn’t wait. Yes, we could be more financially secure, etc., but when are you ever going to have enough money? While we weren’t really trying to get pregnant, we definitely weren’t keeping it from happening. We both want at least 5 children and we’d like to be done, or near done by the time hubby is 40- which only gives us 13 years. So I guess we’re working with that timetable rather than my biological clock. That puts me at around 33 by the time we want to be done- I like the sound of that. I would rather be younger and be able to keep up with my children, growing up with them, in a sense. The same with my husband- he wants to be able to get out and play and teach his sons before he needs to go get his knees replaced. Ok, just joking there, but that’s our thinking behind having children so soon. And then? We will, or at least I will be, a young empty-nester. I have never had any desire for a career, other than that of a wife and mother, so that does not come into play here, but we figure, if I ever want to go to college or something, I can do that after the children are old enough to take care of themselves. But, hey, this is what’s working for us. I’m sure it’s not right for everyone. Please don’t beat up on me now. lol!
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
you’ll probably start feeling the baby pressure after a year or two. we got married before most of our friends, and now most of them have a baby, and some have two!
Post # 13
Fiance and I decided that it is best to wait a few years. I’m only 25 so I figured I’d still have time; although like lillindy i’d like to have my first before 30. We figured it’s best to have some quality hubby and wife time first seeing as how we’re not living together yet and only get to see each other on the weekends for now.
Post # 14
The short version– you know how you knew about Mr. rosychicklet being the one? I think you’ll know in a similar way when you’re ready to have kids.
Our approach– I love the idea of having kids, but it’s still a "when I grow up" feeling instead of being more immediate. There’s a lot we want to do in terms of career, travel, etc. before having kids. I just started my first real job a couple years ago and it’s really nice to have the disposable income and the time to take off on short notice if we feel like it.
We’d also like a year to enjoy just being married, before having a kid. Since I’m 27 (he’s 32) and will be almost 29 when we’re married, we’ll probably start trying soon after the wedding, and see what happens. Then there’s the issue of how many, and how far apart– we’re thinking 2, about 3-4 years apart. Hopefully I’ll have both before I’m 35.
The way I think about it is, we’re doing the nesting part first (buying a house, building up college funds, paying off my massive med school debt, etc.) and then getting married/having kids. I want to have as few distractions as possible, and I think we’ve got it figured out in a way that works well for us. Everyone’s different, though!
Good luck with your baby planning!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I’d like to start trying around 30 (when we get married I’ll be 24, he 26). The women in my family have a history of infertility and, according to my doctor, gets worse each time it’s passed down (illustration: my mother had to have two surgeries to have my brother and I, and never used birth control methods afterwards). So I’m not anticipating an easy road to getting pregnant anyways. It’ll be very deliberate and not "if it happens, it happens."
I agree there is never a perfect time, just like getting married for a lot of us isn’t ideal at this time in life (grad school and where we live suddenly become major issues because of the other’s job, family etc). And I fully expect parenting will put a major strain on our intimacy/relationship, not to mention completely alter the way we live. These are harsh sacrifices that we can never be totally prepared for.
I guess my point is, we can never rationalize these decisions because they will never make sense. They’re totally emotional choices.
Post # 16
We just knew we wanted to start our family. You can’t wait until everything is perfect and ready – because that will NEVER happen – but you should both have that feeling of "I’m ready." I’m actually PG right now, and of course I have moments where I think about how hard it will be to have my life change. I know Darling Husband does too. But we’re both so ready to have kids, that we’re ready to give those things up. In other words, we’re ready for that life change.