(Closed) How to decide WHO to invite

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I tend to agree with your fiance on this one. Most any wedding expert will tell you that when it comes to cutting down the guest list (or even just creating one with a budget in mind), cut people you haven’t talked to years, and friends who you have drifted apart with.

For example, I didn’t invite some of my college friends, but invited others. No one cared in the end because everyone knows that people just drift apart. I also invited a friend of mind from HS who I don’t talk to on a regular basis, but when we DO stay in touch, it’s as if we never stopped, so she was invited of course. She’s a special kind of friend. But everyone else? They got the ax. If anyone asks, we simply say, "I’m sorry, but we have limited seating at the venue and could only accomode a certain amount of people, so we kept the guest list to really close friends and family only." No one can fault you for that, and if they do, that’s their problem.

Post # 4
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

When I started with my list I basically wrote down everyone that I would like to be there to share in the day.  From there, I went back through and broke the grand list into an "A" list and a "B" list.  My "A" list is everyone that I couldn’t imagine them NOT being there (close friends from high school and college).  The "B" list is people who if they are there, that’s great-but if we have to cut numbers I’m going to them first.  My "B" list is more of people who I went to college or high school with that I haven’t talked to in a few years for various reasons.  We had everyone (FI, Future In-Laws, my parents) use the same method for their lists too. 

As we get the RSVPs in, if there are a lot of people who won’t be able to make it, we’ll send out a later round of invites with a later RSVP date for those "B" listers.  While I’d like to include everyone, we want to keep it around 150-180 people.


Post # 5
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know for us, we are not inviting friends who are not actively involved in our lives, and that’s been a good strategy for us so far.  Good luck!

Post # 6
3331 posts
Sugar bee

We had a relatively small wedding, so we didn’t invite anyone with whom we aren’t actively friends with now.  Although we’re older than you (31 and 33) so HS friends are pretty far back for us.  I know my Mother-In-Law wanted my husband to invite all his HS friends (why she cared, I don’t know), but we felt it was important to have only the people who were really a part of our lives now.

If you can’t invite all of your friends and they’re expecting it, you may want to give them a heads-up ahead of time.  You can explain the budget contraints and just say "we’re so sorry we couldn’t invite you".  If you wanted to include them somehow, maybe you could have an extra litlte party or reception or something? 

Post # 7
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’re not inviting anyone we haven’t heard from or been in touch with in the last 12 months, with a few exceptions for friends overseas and such. Not to say we’ll invite everyone we HAVE been in contact with, but it’s a pretty easy rule of thumb for us. 🙂

Post # 8
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

we’re going to send our invites out in ‘batches’. so the first batch goes out to people who we HAVE to invite (family), not that we necessarily feel that they have to be there (think uncles and aunties we haven’t seen in over five years). when the declines from these family members come back, we’ll then send the second round of invites out and so on. 

so in your situation, i’d say do that (send out in batches) and if there’s ‘room’, then send a couple of invites to your high school friends.

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