(Closed) How to decline a “destination” bachelorette party

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
278 posts
Helper bee

I’m a bridesmaid this year to one of my friend’s who is having an out-of-country bachelorette.  Actually, all the bridesmaids are planning this for her.  It’s somewhat the norm in our group of friends.  It is VERY costly, especially for those who are currently unemployed or those who are already married with kids.  I agree that the additional expense can put a lot of pressure on someone financially.

Honestly, it all depends on the bride.  I went to a bachelorette trip last year where one of her bridesmaids could no make it.  She was quite upset initially because she wanted all her bms to be there but she still had a ton of fun regardless.  I’m sure if you talk to your friend about your situation, she would try her best to understand.  It’s a little inconsiderate to expect everyone to go to an out of town trip if they don’t have the means to or has other financial obligations.

Post # 4
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I would just explain the situation to her.. as a bride herself she should understand that money is tight!


My friends are planning a destination bachelorette party (still within driving distance) for me and 2 of my girls cant make it. It didnt offend me at all because I understand that money is tight… and they have been there for me in other areas.

Post # 5
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m having an Out of Town bachlorette party next weekend.  Two of my BMs are not coming.  We are all traveling to get there b/c all but 2 girls live in the same state.  At first, I was sad they weren’t going to make it, but I completely understand that they can’t come.  It is a lot of money.  I’m sure your friend will understand or possibly try to help you afford it if she can.  I would also be prepared in case she doesn’t like your answer.  Hopefully over time, she would come around though!

Post # 6
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My bachelorette party was "destination"  We’ve done it for all of our friends and its really just a great excuse to get away with your friends for a few days.  I had to decline one last year for the same reason you are considering declining, and a few of my BMs couldn’t make it to mine.  I can’t imagine getting mad at someone who couldn’t make it.  I wouldn’t want anyone to be there if it meant them having to struggle financially or otherwise.  I wish all my girls could have been there, but I knew it just wasn’t possible.  If you can manage it, I sent a bottle of champagne to my friend’s room one night just so she would know I was thinking of her and was there in spirit!

Post # 8
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would totally understand if some of my BMs could not make an Out of Town Bach party. I think it is a lot to expect as a bride, especially considering the expense it already costs to be in a wedding (dress, shoes, throwing bridal shower, throwing bach, TIME, etc.) A few of my BMs initially wanted to take me to Mexico for my Bach but I wasn’t okay with taking off for a week for that when I will already need off 2 days before wedding, a few days after wedding for mini-moon, and then 8-9 days for honeymoon… and spare some time around Christmas. Another option was Vegas but the economy took a turn and I think it would be too much to ask of anyone right now, especially some of my BMs who don’t have great jobs to begin with. Of course, it would be a perk to have everyone there, but unless you are footing the expense yourself as a bride it’s wayy to much to ask, IMO.

Post # 9
6 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

My best advice is to let her know as soon as possible that you can’t make it if you’re supposed to split any costs. I went to an out-of-town bachelorette party and at the very last moment (literally the day of and just hours before we were supposed to leave) one of the BMs backed out and refused to pay. This caused the other BMs to have to pick up her slack at the last moment.

 Good luck with your own wedding planning! 🙂

Post # 10
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Would traveling to the Out of Town party require a flight and /or a hotel stay?

Post # 11
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

could you do a joint oot party? maybe for both of you, you invite all your your bms, that way you cano tboh enjoy it?

Post # 13
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think your friend will understand, as she should! These days are rough with the economy and especially when you are planning your own wedding! And I think it is still super sweet that you are pitching in for the bride’s room and sending the bottle of champagne!

Post # 14
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your friend will definitely understand. I’m having my bachelorette party out of the country and some of my bridesmaids are not coming. I totally understand and no hard feelings.

Post # 15
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

wagamama — I think that is a perfect way to deal with it … I was a bridesmaid and wasn’t able to make it to the bachelorette and I sent a fun gift and a bottle of champagne and she called as soon as she got them and said how thankful she was. In the end, she’s lucky to have you as a friend : )

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