(Closed) How to decline a “mandatory” wedding? :(

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@firsttimemom: Destination weddings are never mandatory. The couple chose to get married in another country, you didn’t. She’s being selfish.

Post # 4
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

seriously?

you will have a newborn. it’s ridiculous of her to expect you to come.

Post # 5
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@firsttimemom: wow.  that’s incredibly rude on her part.  she will never understand until she’s pregnant herself (I’m assuming she doesn’t have children…).

Post # 6
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hate this crap. Just because you have the money doesn’t mean that’s how you want to spend $4k. Something about a week in Jamaica with a 6 month old just doesn’t sound very fun… Is there any way that you can still have the option to attend once you’ve met your baby and determined his or her personality?

It really sucks of her. Sorry.

Post # 7
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@firsttimemom: wow. I can’t even believe the wording and tone of her last email.

If I were you I would reply: “Yeah, my baby just dropped, so sorry, we won’t be able to make it. Thanks for the invite.”

She is being ludicrous and selfish. You are an expectant mother and she should have enough respect for you and her brother to allow you to stay at home during this time without all the grief.

Post # 8
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That is definitely not mandatory…having a newborn is a lot of hard work and takes a lot of time..I don’t think it’s fair to expect you to pay that much and travel, when it probably won’t work out anyway

Post # 9
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@firsttimemom: I think you have the mother of all legitimate excuses to not attend a destination wedding: newborn! You can’t argue with a baby. It is completely ridiculous for her to expect you to travel with a newborn baby and to spend so much money to get to her wedding when you’ll undoubtedly have a lot of baby-related expenses. I’d tell her it’s not an excuse, it’s a fact: you cannot commit to attending her wedding because you have a newborn baby! She should have known by having a destination wedding that certain people would simply not be able to attend. 

Post # 10
Member
14421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you really dont want to go or travel with a 6 month old, then just don’t.  A friend of mine did go on a two week trip to Thailand for a wedding, and left their 2 month old at home with his parents, so it’s doable…. only if you want to. 

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wedding attendance is never mandatory no matter where the wedding is located. As it’s been said before on this board, it’s an invitation, not a summons! If a couple chooses to have a destination wedding, they have to accept that some people will not be able to attend. 

I wouldn’t even respond–it’s your husband’s sister, make him deal with her!

Post # 12
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have no idea why people expect others to drop well over 1K and take off a bunch of time to go to their wedding… let alone if you have a legit excuse not to go. Definitely anyone who expects this is selfish.

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have an awesome idea for brides who think there wedding is mandatory – don’t have a freaking destination wedding. I’d listen to her and not give her any excuses, just RSVP no! Seriously though, how self-absorbed.

Post # 14
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

If she “expects” everyone to be there, since “prices have dropped,” she could just gift you and your hubby the vacation costs, now couldn’t she?  The tone of the last email is not the way to foster family togetherness. The fact she expects you to travel with a 6 month old baby- wow. The issue, for me, isn’t a matter of can you afford the wedding. The issue is her “demanding” people show up!

 

Post # 16
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If she gives you any more crap show her this thread and all the people who think she’s a selfish something something….

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