(Closed) How to decline a “mandatory” wedding? :(

posted 9 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 17
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with everyone above and I’m having a destination wedding. I completely understand if guests can’t come, whatever the reason may be (money, timing, not where they want to go, they think I smell…) 

She needs to get over herself. 

Post # 18
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

“Prices have dropped so I expect you all to be there. No excuses.”

wow!  ironically i had my wedding in Jamaica last April and my sister was pregnant and gave birth last November (5 months before my wedding).  I also had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who got pregnant after she booked for Jamaica and so was like 4 months pregnant at my wedding.  while both these people still came, i actually kept telling them i would understand if they couldn’t!!!  bottom line, it was THEIR choice! and i had to accept it whatever it was.

Post # 19
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I wouldn’t go either.  I would simply say that with a 6 month old, the trip would be very difficult on you and your family.  You’re sad and sorry to miss out, but the welfare of your family comes first and with a new baby, you are uncomfortable spending the money on a trip.  Plain and simple.  If she doesn’t get it and bad mouths you, she’s only going to make herself look foolish.

Post # 20
Member
517 posts
Busy bee

I’d say to her “well the prices ain’t it so I expect you to stop being a bitch!”

Post # 21
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

holy crap – what a rude B!  you cannot dictate to someone how they can spend their money let alone demanding where they travel to – she sounds like a nightmare and on principle i wouldnt go

Post # 22
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@firsttimemom: She’s tired of “excuses?” Then don’t give her one. Just tell her you simply can’t go. She’ll get over it. Wink

Post # 23
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Screw her. Seriously. I hate brides like that.

Post # 24
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You tell her, “I’m so, so sorry, but DH and I aren’t going to be able to make it to your wedding. We sat down and went back and forth through our finances, and even with the price drop, we just can’t afford it with the baby coming a week before the payments are due. It’s just heartbreaking, we were hoping so much to be there.”

It’s good if you can cry.

It also doesn’t matter if you mean it. (Because honestly, I totally would not trek my 6 mo baby off to Jamaica to watch some special snowflake have Her Day no matter what. Even if I could totally afford it. And there’s no question of leaving a baby that young home for that long.)

Just make her feel like you wanted to be there and you tried.

If she tries to counter argue, just keep apologizing. At this point you’ve told her why you can’t be there, so you don’t need to give her any more “excuses”. ;D

Don’t feel bad about saying no to her if it’s the right thing to do for your family (yourself, husband, and baby). Your first responsibility is to them. She made the decision to get married in Jamaica, given how long it takes to plan a wedding & have a baby, she knew you were going to have a tiny baby at the time.

I would make sure to send a note of congratulations for the day of the wedding. Either mail it to the hotel c/o the best man or give it to one of your in-laws to take with them.

Post # 25
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

wow! she has really crossed the line! if i was having a destination wedding i would be bummed if ppl couldnt come, but seriously i wouldnt think that they should have to fork out all that money just because i wanted to get married somewhere else! did she spend thousands on your wedding present? or to get to your wedding?

Post # 26
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@firsttimemom:  I know this is NOT what this thread is about and if you see my comment above, i totally support you or anyone not attending a Destination Wedding (with or without a baby!) – it is part of the package of Destination Wedding and Destination Wedding brides should accept that.  But i can’t resist posting a pic of my baby niece in Jamaica last April!

this is my sister with her in the water

 

Post # 27
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

She is being rude, selfish and just mean…. NO wedding is mandatory. 

Post # 29
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

Well, is it possible to book your own trip to jamaica? IDK why JAMAICA would cost 2K a person. But somehow I don’t think its about the money. If you just don’t want to go like the PP said, just don’t go. I have traveled with my daughter since she was 3 months and at 6 months she knew how to buckle herself lol (and unbuckle). What I am saying is, its doable if you want to go. If you don’t want to go though, just say so.

Post # 30
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel for her that people she might have expected to come aren’t coming, but that’s the risk you run with having a destination wedding. And rudeness is never a good way to handle it.

I think that you attending would be such a great gesture, and likely very fun, but again, it’s your choice and a big commitment. Stubborn me would likely back out just because of that email and her attitude but that’s most certainly not the right way to handle it haha.

What does your husband think?

Post # 31
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

  Maybe he can go alone since it’s his sister. Is that an option?

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