Post # 1
Any advice on how to decline a couples shower? The bride already had a bridesmaid brunch, engagment party, and the couples shower would require me to drive 3 hours. The engagment party I drove three hours and also for the bridesmaid brunch. Three weeks after the couples shower we have a destination bachelorette trip across country.
Another weekend out of town three weeks before the bachelorette trip would not only exhaust me but I would be out about $300. The bachelorette trip is costing me about $1800.
I work over 40 hours a week and I’m on a budget. For each weekend for her prior events it has cost me also with travel and out of town expenses in general.
how do I decline and get out of this to save my sanity, energy and money? Please no judgment but money is not something I’m comfortable telling her about. How do I decline politely without bringing money into it? I already said I would go but now I don’t think I have the energy, time or money on top of everything else.
Post # 2
I would say blame the global pandemic but you’re traveling across the country for a trip. Unfortunately, my advice would be to be honest and just let her know you can’t afford it.
Post # 3
When is it? You can mention the pandemic? I mean that’s a pretty valid reason to not want to travel now. Is the wedding this year?
Post # 4
Unfortunately We have done all of these events during the pandemic. Even though I said I would go..could I say. “Look unfortunately with the bachelorette trip coming up three weeks from the event I need to conserve my energy, going three hours there and back in one weekend is going to exhaust me, I hope you understand I want to be 100 percent for the bachelorette”
Post # 5
“I’m sorry, I’m unable to attend.”
Post # 7
I can say I can’t attend even though I said I already would?
Post # 8
I would just tell her a few days ahead that I’m not feeling well and don’t want anyone to catch anything from me. That’s it.
Post # 9
You don’t need to give an explanation. Just say, “Sorry my circumstances have changed and I won’t be able to make it”
Also putting “Look” at the start of what you wrote out makes it oddly aggressive. And you just don’t need that long of an explanation. Reasonable people understand that friends/family sometimes can’t make it to events. This really shouldn’t be a big deal.
Post # 10
I agree just say that your circumstances changed and you’re unable to attend “xyz event” however, i will present for “xyz next event”
Post # 11
When i was in school, i did get out of a wedding blaming exams. The wedding was in Europe and I live in the US. The best excuse i think is something you can’t possibly move.
If you cant be honest (because finances is the real reason) may be you can make up an excuse? Can you lie about a family matter or a health problem? I am suggesting you lie. But maybe overexegerate a bit?
Post # 12
I’d just text and say, “Hey, unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to make the couple’s shower. Sorry to miss it, I’m sure it will be wonderful!” Send text, then text again right away. “Looking forward to your bachelorette trip. We’re going to have so much fun!”
She doesn’t need a reason you can’t make it. You can’t make it. Just give a heads up and move on. Lying or making something up just makes you look bad. You don’t need a reason.
Post # 13
Why are you going to all these events during a pandemic??? And traveling across the country for a bachelorette during a pandemic??? That’s insane.
Your reasoning for needing to conserve energy for an event 3 weeks away is complete BS and she’ll see right through it. Either come up with a convincing lie or don’t give a reason.
Post # 14
I don’t think “conserving your energy” for the Bach weekend, 3 weeks later, is a very good excuse. I would just shorten what you wrote in your original post and be sincere about the reason.
Post # 15
I’m reading this as if you have some underlying resentment towards the bride. That might play into my answer, but pandemic aside you did say you would go. Ive been in your position before (including driving 5hrs round trip for bday parties or showers, etc) and one thing I realized is I don’t always have to say yes (especially when resentment is building), but for me personally someone’s word means everything. Some extra context would help. If you decide not to go, in the future I’d advise you to think of your needs first, also I’d personally think of a compromise (donating something towards the shower to help out).