How to demote a moh without hurting feelings

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3240 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You can’t. There’s no way to avoid hurting her feelings. You knew who she was when you asked her. 

Post # 3
Member
10252 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You don’t. It’s very unlikely you won’t damage your friendship.

Have two MOHs if you really want your sister to be one but leave your current Maid/Matron of Honor with the same title.

Post # 4
Member
6909 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I always chuckle when I see posts phrased this way: How can I do this really mean thing without anyone thinking I’m mean? What you’re asking for is impossible. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

And frankly, your Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t done anything wrong. 

Post # 5
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

You don’t.  Seriously, unless you’re ready to end the friendship do not do this.  She’s not required to help you plan your wedding, that’s what your Fiance and/ or a wedding planner if for.  She is standing by your side b/c she is your best friend, she’s not an employ to ‘demote’.

Post # 6
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

You don’t. You knew her personality and behavior patterns before you asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. Your wedding doesn’t change who she is. If your other bridal party members have helped you thats great but they certainly don’t have to and neither does your Maid/Matron of Honor. As long as she shows up dressed appropriately the day of your wedding thats good enough. But since you think of her as lazy and irresponsible maybe you don’t mind ‘demoting’ her from a title that isn’t an actual job. That is possibly a friendship ending move and you don’t sound like the greatest friend.

Post # 7
Member
13058 posts
Honey Beekeeper

MOHs don’t have any real responsibilities other than standing up and supporting you in the day of the wedding in a dress. Anything else she chooses to do is optional. 

Demoting her would be uncalled for, not to mention most likely friendship ending. The only one responsible for planning your wedding is you, Fiance and whomever else might be hosting. 

Post # 8
Member
10351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Zero way to do this. It will end your friendship.

Also she doesn’t need to be helping you with ideas for you wedding. That’s your FIs area.

Post # 9
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
Geekchick42 :  Aw, don’t demote, just ask your sister to be your second MOH!  You knew who your friend was when you asked.  Let your sister help with the planning. 

Post # 10
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

You say stop being lazy and ignoring my messages , you’re fired get back in line with the others. 

Post # 11
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

If I was in your situation,  I would consider making your sister a Maid/Matron of Honor as well (co-MOH). 

That way its a win win situation, good luck! 

Just note – demoting her may end your friendship. 

Post # 12
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Without hurting feelings? Impossible. Also you’re probably asking too much of her. She doesn’t need to respond to all your wedding texts or give you ideas. Do you talk to her about stuff outside wedding planning?

Post # 13
Member
3714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Plan your own wedding or hire a wedding planner. No one but your Fiance is required to help you or give you ideas or opinions. If other people decide to jump in and help, that’s great, but her not wanting to help you plan your wedding shouldn’t be reason enough to torch your friendship.

Just ask your sister to also be Maid/Matron of Honor, and please, lower your expectations for those around you in regard to your wedding, otherwise you’ll drive yourself mad and unnecessarily lose friends.

Post # 14
Member
7335 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You don’t. 

It’s great if friends want to help with planning but it’s not a requirement. If you want to add your sister as a second Maid/Matron of Honor, fine. You can’t “demote” someone who doesn’t work for you–she’s your friend, not your employee. 

Post # 15
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

“I don’t think she plans on contributing.” Contributing to what, exactly? As a PP said, all she’s required to do is turn up sober and in the dress you’ve chosen for your bridesmaids. If your bridesmaids opt to throw you a shower and/or bachelorette, that’s great, but they are not required to do this. Nor are they required to help you with the planning. I bounced a couple of ideas off my sister, and she was happy to give me her opinions, but it was literally two things, neither of which was big. The rest I planned with my then-FI. You can’t “demote” her without seriously hurt feelings.

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