Post # 1
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
Background: Bf’s dad lives in the same city as us. Him and I do not get along and I will not be seeing him.
My parents live out of state and I am planning on going to see them for a few days during Christmas. I would LOVE the BF to come with me, as we have been dating for almost 3 years and he’s never come home with me for christmas. However, he doesn’t want to leave his dad alone for christmas (even though he’s not going to be doing anything and could probably care less). I floated around the idea that we (meaning both of us) could go to my parents for a few days before christmas and then head back Christmas day so he could hang out with his dad. He took this to mean that just I would go see my parents and then we could get to spend christmas together…… I understand he wants to hang out with his dad, but it’s not like he never sees him. And he would have such a better time at my parents. Anyone in a similar situation?
Post # 2
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
He said he didn’t want to leave his dad for Christmas, why are you trying to convince him he’ll have more fun at your parents?
You sound quite patronizing. Is it fair to try and convince him to spend Christmas they way you want if you aren’t willing to spend it they way he wants?
Post # 3
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
Did you actually INVITE him to come with you to your parents’ house? If he’s never gone before, then I imagine he thinks this year is the same as every year. If you want to change that, you have to speak up and spell it out for him that you want him to join you.
We do both families at Christmas, and that often means we aren’t sticklers about which day we celebrate with which family. The families don’t care about the specific days so we don’t run into any problems.
Post # 4
Member
47431 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Don’t minimize his feelings. If he would feel bad leaving his Dad alone on Christmas day, it’s not likely he would have more fun at your family’s. He is also not likely to feel good about spending Christmas Day with his Dad and leaving you alone.
Don’t put him in an awkward position.The two of you could go to your parents’ a few days ahead of Christmas and travel home separately. He can spend Christmas with his Dad and you could come home the next day.
Post # 5
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
In previous years we did the 23rd and 24th of December with my family and the 25th and 26th with his family. This year we will be hosting Christmas Eve so we will have both sets of families over in the 24th.
Post # 6
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
We celebrate Christmas with his extended family earlier in December because that is normally when his brother is able to fly in for Christmas.
We then celebrate with my family Christmas Eve and Christmas day with his mother and father and his other brother. Then the weekend after Christmas we celebrate Christmas with my grandpa..
The holidays are always crazy. I feel like all we are is in our car for the most of it traveling to visit family.
We have a harder time figuring out how to make Thanksgiving work.
Post # 7
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
julies1949 : That doesn’t work when it’s a 6 hour drive. It’s completely insane to drive 2 vehicles 6 hours.
Post # 8
Member
47431 posts
Honey Beekeeper
c3lloninja : One of you could drive home. The other could fly or take the bus.
There are many couples, including us, who have to be felxible about Christmas. That doesn’t make us insane. It makes us considerate of our partners and their families.
Post # 9
Member
10444 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
It’s totally valid and understandable that he doesn’t want to leave his dad alone on Christmas. I think you are letting the fact that you don’t like his dad blur your judgement of the situation.
My husband and I didn’t spend Christmas together until we were married (and we dated for 8 years).
Now we just switch years. Last year my family got Christmas, this year we will spend it with his family. They live too far apart for us to try to see both families for every holiday.
Eventually, when we have kids, we will have years when we don’t see either family.
Post # 10
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
It’s not insane when it makes the difference between a relative being alone at Christmas or not.
Post # 11
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
c3lloninja :
you do what you have to do when you have long distance relatives. We’re 11 hours away from family and often have to take two cars when we go back for Christmas or other occasions. It may be insane, but sometimes there’s no avoiding it.
Post # 12
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
We switch off so that each year we’re at one family’s house for Thanksgiving and one for Christmas but we also come from families where no one is alone on Christmas. If that was the scenario I think we’d tred more cautiously so that parent would never be alone on the holiday whether that means one or both of us spending Christmas with him or inviting the parent to the other holiday celebration. For me holidays are often more about duty, obligation and showing others I care than where I personally have more fun.