Post # 1
I’m looking for some insight and advice for how to handle extremely different visions that my fiance and I have for our wedding day. I’m much more apt to have a small, even court house sized, wedding, while my fiance has always dreamed of the big, traditional wedding. We’ve got our date set, venue deposits in, and save the dates are out. The only problem is that the thought of a huge wedding (we invited about 310 people) makes me want to crawl out of my skin with anxiety. I guess you could call it extreme stage fright. I’m wondering now if we could even make it work to have a small ceremony, or even get married on a different day altogether, but still have some sort of ceremony to commemorate the occasion on our day next May since everything is at the same location (we’re getting married on the patio and the reception is inside) and on the same day. Would it be possible to send out separate invitations to the ceremony and reception? Would it be horrible of us to get married on an entirely different day and still have a ceremony of sorts to commemorate? Is that a waste of peoples time? I am just afraid of wasting peoples time and offending people if some are invited to the ceremony but others aren’t, given the close quarters of the two events. I’ve never done this before and have no idea how to handle our different visions, and fear it’s too late since the save the dates are out. But the idea of giving in an having everything how my fiance would like it also seems unfair to me. Long story short I need HELP and creativitiy!
Thanks in advance for any insight!
Post # 2
I don’t think you can invite some people to the ceremony and reception and others to the reception only. If you are really that nervous, maybe get officially married at the courthouse beforehand and either get rid of the ceremony part altogether and just do a reception or do a shortened version of a “ceremony” (thinking 5 min unity candle or other symbolic gesture without the vows).
Post # 3
I’m having a smaller ceremony guest list and a much larger guest list at my receptin. Both at the same venue. We just decided that we wanted a much more intimate ceremony so with just family and close friends. I live in England though, so having two different guest lists/inviting people to just the reception is a pretty normal thing.
Post # 4
It sounds like the ball is already rolling on your wedding plans, so maybe don’t second guess them? Depending on what kind of ceremony you’re having, you may not have to do much or any public speaking at all. I wouldn’t plan a second ceremony in addition to the one you’re doing, since that doesn’t really change anything about the event you’re already having.
Maybe you and your FH can plan to have some quiet time on your wedding day where just the two of you sneak off together? That can be very centering, especially if you do it before the ceremony.
Post # 5
It’s very, very rude to invite some people to the ceremony, and not others, when all are invited to a reception on the same day. You sent Save the Dates already — people may be making travel arrangements already — and you’re out of luck. Anyone who got a STD was invited to your wedding, which includes your ceremony.
If I came and there was no ceremony, or just a “for show” ceremony (since you may get married earlier), I’d be pissed.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
The only way you can do this is to have a private ceremony (parents, siblings and grandparents only).
Post # 7
People tend to want to go to both the ceremony and reception. It doesn’t mean you can’t, of course, have a private ceremony and then a regular reception but it does mean you should be prepared for people to be upset about it.
You could consider doing a courthouse wedding well in advance of the reception and then re-sending announcements/invitations stating you’re already married and to please come celebrate this with you both. May be less hurt feelings this way.
Post # 8
You already sent save the dates — I think that ship has sailed.