Post # 1
So, Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have talked about it and engagement is on the horizon. But I think that money for a ring might be what’s stalling the process. I want to drop some hints that I’m totally cool with either a family ring or a non-diamond one (only requirement: sparkly) but we have a pretty strict engagement talk moratorium.
Any thoughts on how I can subtly let him know that I’m not all that picky?
Post # 3
@lilmisty: How to know if he’s on board? Drop hints that you’d be fine even without a ring. If he still doesn’t propose you’ll know the price of a ring isn’t the issue.
Post # 4
@lilmisty: Since it seems that engagement is not one of those topics you can spend time talking about you need to set it up. Pick a movie to watch that you know has a flashy ring or a proposal in it. You can then use that moment to comment on how you wouldn’t want him to spend that much on a ring, that you only want something with some sparkle to it.
Post # 5
No hints. Just be open and honest and leave it at that.
If you’re going to marry the guy you need to just have conversations, it eliminates all confusion. You could always say something like “I was thinking about rings and realized that I wouldn’t care what I got either way, family ring, gemstone, something vintage….”. Then be done with it.
Post # 6
@lilmisty: Why drop hints?? I don’t see why engagements have to be so one sided. Is he not open to a conversation?
Post # 7
Agreed with everyone above, just be open and honest. Dropping hints may seem like a good idea, but it might backfire and he might take it the wrong way (at least my SO has done that when I’ve tried to drop hints!).
Make sure he’s in a good position to talk about it, and go for it! 😀
Post # 8
You mentioned engagement talk is off the table, so respecting that notion, I would say to grab yourself some vintage price off the Goodwill auction site (like a necklace) ask him if he thinks it suits you, and then bring up that you love stuff with sparkle, but a lot of it is super over priced, and you’re just as happy with a vintage piece, or an alternative stone. Mention a friend got earrings with (whatever rock you like. Do mention this to friend ahead of time in case he tries to like, ask her how her CZ is or whatever) and that you think they look amazing. Avoid ring talk, and you can pass it off as wanting jewelry for the holidays.
Post # 9
@Bracelet00: Thanks! This is what I was looking for. Definitely good advice 🙂
For everyone else: Thanks for your concern. I think I should have worded it a little differently–we basically have a Shut-It-Up Pact! It’s not that I can’t be honest or open, but we needed to calm down the conversation for a little while so that nothing felt too high-pressure for either of us.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@lilmisty: I agree with some of the previous posters. I’m a big believer in the idea that marriage is something that’s a huge decision, and if you’re going to marry someone, you shouldn’t be hinting or beating around the bush about something important like engagement. Communication is, in my opinion, the most important piece of the relationship puzzle. I’m so so so against people hinting about anything that’s even remotely important.
Post # 11
I definitely understand the stop it your feeling pressured, talk. I mean we had the same thing for a little bit.
I actually was on here a lot, and he kind of knew. I’m a wedding photographer too, so I was just like talking to girls. But then I ventured into the ring area, and I would talk to him more about other peopl (sorry ladies, it’s true- I talk to the Hub about you) and I would tell him that the idea of spending that much, making that big of a deal about it made me uncomfortable and that the ring, no matter cost or size, would be important to me only because it came from him.
I had always wanted something unique & antique, but I wasn’t going to push a certain one because I didn’t want to know what I was getting and prices always freaked me out. So I gave him an idea, told him price made me uncomfortable- meaning high price, and stuff like that.
I didn’t directly tell him that I was thinking about us, I just used other peoples situations and their posts and talked about how crazy I thought it all was to him.
I thought he got the hint, especially when I had off handed mentioned I didn’t want a ring over 1000 USD, and then he gave me mine and said ‘If you ever hauk it, get more than that for it’. Made me Nauseous man….
Post # 12
@lilmisty: I came right out and said it! LOL!
I didn’t presume that there was a family ring, I know there’s not one in my fam and I can only assume the same for my SO.
We were actually on a plane just passing the time and chatting and I flat out told him-I want to be married to you, and I don’t need a diamond. I didn’t say it in a scary serious tone-I kept it light, had a smile on my face. His response: ‘Ohhhh Baaaabbbbeeee’.
I just sort of giggled and left it at that.
We’ve had other discussions since then and SO is hell bent on getting me a diamond and he wants the responsibility of saving for it and picking it out. I honestly don’t have a preference, but I think it’s good that I cleared the air with that in the event that SO changes his mind, realizes how much diamonds are, he knows I won’t be upset at all with a lab created diamond or non diamond.