(Closed) How to dump a BM?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How to dump her?
    "You're crazy and I don't actually like you" : (7 votes)
    11 %
    "We're in different places in our lives" : (49 votes)
    77 %
    Continue to cease contact : (8 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If you sincerely think that there is something wrong with her mentally, you should say that you’re concerned about her health.  Some people, for whatever reason, turn into someone they are not for a time, but with help, turn back into themselves. So if she sincerely needs help, please make that the focus and not whether or not she’s a bridesmaid.

    If you’re not comfortable doing this, I’d say that you decided to have a smaller wedding, need to trim back the wedding party, and offer to pay her back for her dress.

    Post # 5
    Member
    12248 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would just continue to ignore her!

    Post # 6
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @aussiebride26:  I’m sorry you have to go through this πŸ™  It must really suck to be under the stress of planning a wedding and having a (former) friend in need that isn’t listening to the fact that she needs help.  Best of luck to you.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @aussiebride26:  K I have had crazy friends. She told me she sees & hears things. Literally she called me telling me she almost killed herself but the gun jammed (this was with a revolver they don’t jam). I went over there with my Fiance (since he knows about guns and such) and I was going to stay with her alone all night, he was going to take the gun. She said no way in hell would she ever agree to that, and started waving the gun at him. She had several mental break downs but told me that I’m the one who was CRAZY. 

    She was comitted.


    If your friend is this level of crazy, then the EASIEST thing for you to do is to dissolve the relationship in the friendliest way possible. You don’t want to deal with her crazy rants if you piss her off. Just say option B. Whatever her response is, it’s better than A and her going psych Or C and she doesn’t “know” that she isn’t your Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore.

     

    Also your title made me LOL.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @aussiebride26:  I mean that’s just one example of this chicks craziness. Hopefully this chick isn’t schizophrenic and will just take it like an adult.

    I think it’s easier on you with no drama if you just play it nice. I’m not a fan of just “sucking it up” but in the case of crazies, sometimes it’s easier for all.

     

    Lol I’m a fan of unsubtle titles myself πŸ˜‰ Good luck with her!

    Post # 11
    Member
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @aussiebride26:  a girl i did not want to be a bridesmaid after Fh making me ask her i told her i did not have enough guys

    Post # 12
    Member
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    dump and Bridesmaid or Best Man in the same title, hahhahahahahah I am 12.  

     

    If your friend is struggling with mental health issues, you should express your concern for her, and then use the “we’re in different” places line and tell her you’ve chosen your other friend to be a bridesmaid.  Not by name, but just say she’s been replaced.  Good luck.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    As satisfying as A might be, it sounds like she would not take that well.  She might react badly or might not, but either way she won’t follow your advice to get help so I just wouldn’t go there.  Option C leaves it open for interpretation, something I’m never comfortable with.  Just go with B and move on πŸ™‚

    Post # 14
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

    @aussiebride26:  I had to do this same thing about a month ago for the same reason — the girl has been having breakdowns for months & is paranoid as hell that me & our other friends were all out to get her & destroy her life. My wedding isn’t until May 2014, so the idea of having to deal with the draanother over a year was enough to get me over my fear of having to “dump” her. I basically told her that I knew she was having a lot of personal issues & thought it would be best if she stepped down as a bridesmaid, but hoped we could remain friends. She agreed to setup down, but we are definitely not on friendly terms anymore — we work together & I get deaflats area whenever I walk by her in the halls, I hear she talks a lot of crap about me, etc. At this point I don’t care though because I no. Infer have to deal with the drama & that is 100% worth it. Good luck!!!!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    @aussiebride26:  i’m sorry you’re going through this during what should be a very fun time for you! but yes, I think you should tell her the truth (to whatever extent you feel comfortable.. saying you’re going in different direcetions is still the truth so this angle is fine)

    And yes, you should probably pay her for the dress. It sucks and I’m a student too so I understand but at least you can hold your head high knowing you were the bigger person and end it with no regrets. Plus she won’t have something to bitch about.

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