Post # 1
Hi Bees! Long-time lurker, first time poster! I’m a Nigerian-Canadian bee marrying a white guy. In Nigerian culture, it’s common for people to ‘spray’ cash on the celebrants at parties. At weddings, the older people especially love to spray money on the bride and groom whenever they hit the dance floor. No one is under any obligation to participate, it’s up to whoever wants to. You can read more about it here: https://www.myhotelwedding.com/6-things-expect-nigerian-wedding/
This is a fun custom I want to incorporate into our wedding. Normally, I wouldn’t have to inform people of this but our guest list is only 25% Nigerian/West African so many people won’t know to expect it. I’m struggling with how to tell people without making it seem like a cash grab. We WILL NOT put anything in the invitation because I think that’s bad etiquette. My fiance and I have discussed doing an FAQ section on our website to explain our different cultural traditions surrounding weddings and/or making a video to explain. It’s important to us that both sides participate in both cultures to create an inclusive rather than spectator atmosphere.
I also want to give people a heads up because if they do want to participate, they should bring American dollars instead of Canadian cash unless they’re feeling generous (since we don’t have dollar bills haha).
What do you guys think?
Post # 2
ngncanadianbee : I don’t think it’s appropriate for you try to “educate” anyone on your tradition of desiring/expecting to be “sprayed with money”! If the 25% invited who are familiar with the tradition participate, maybe some of the other 75% will join in. If not, so be it. You just won’t get the additional cash you’re hoping for….
Post # 3
I agree with the previous poster. Yet, I would be very confused and wonder if I missed something. Is there a website that describes all of your wedding traditions (and not just this specific one). If yes, I would post something in the FAQs section that says some wedding traditions you may see and leave it at that?
Post # 4
ngncanadianbee : I would feel really weird to know that a money dance is coming and I’m supposed to put money on you. I would feel rather uncomfortable, and may not be looking forward to it, though I know it’s your culture and I should respect it. I would also think that although the website says I am not obligated to participate, obviously it’s important enough that you’ve put it online, so I should do it. So how many dollar bills should I spray on you? Why American dollar?
Can you just let it happen?
Post # 5
I think in this case as it’s a cultural thing you need to inform people that older people will participate, so people are not surprised by it and think they have missed something and feel embarrassed but make it abundantly clear it’s optional if they want to participate. Add in a bit about why it takes place in your culture I.e is it instead of presents or why does it take place, so that it doesn’t come across as money grabby.
Post # 6
marriedbeeexpecting : Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Sorry if that wasn’t clear. The FAQ section would be about ALL the cultural traditions that’ll be at the wedding, from both mine amd the groom’s culture.
Post # 7
cherryberrypie : American dollars because Canadians have only $1 coins, which would probably hurt a lot. As OP mentioned, unless they’re feeling generous (smallest Canadian bill is $5) they’d likely prefer giving $1s.
I think a blurb on your website would be very cute to explain. I’m hoping that the people who are coming anyways are accepting of other cultures regardless. Even if they don’t want to participate (and definitely know they don’t need to) , let them know the significance of it.
Post # 8
michelleh0686 : Explaining why etc., is a great idea, thank you!
cherryberrypie : Thanks for the feedback! There’s no set amount, it’s more for the fun of it. That’s why I was thinking of suggesting USD so people don’t think they have to spend a wad of $5, $10 or $20 CAD bills.
I don’t care how much or really if people give, I just don’t want people to feel lost or left out during any cultural portion of the evening like several pps have mentioned. I’ve experienced that at intercultural weddings before and it made me feel bored/excluded as a guest.
Post # 9
Introducing 75% of your guests to a cultural tradition is going to be a risky move. Even riskier since money is involved. Surely there are other traditions you can choose from that will give your guests a little peek at Nigerian culture without forcing them to open up their purses and dig for small bills.
Post # 10
“Money Dances” are not unusual among American brides, but the money is generally not thrown. Otherwise I see very little difference between the American version (frowned upon as money-hungry) and the version from another culture. You can go ahead and explain it on the website, but it is what it is, and a lot of people will see it as inadvisable.
Post # 11
I would have an FAQ, although I would definitely expect most people to not read it so to still be confused. Will you have a DJ? Perhaps they could introduce the thing “you’re invited to look on or join in as you will as the couple does xyz in this corner of the dance floor…..”. I really don’t see a reason why you should avoid the money spraying. From your descriptions, it sounds like it’s not particularly about money and more about showing good will/etc. to the new couple in what is considered by your culture to be a fun, festive way. I think people do expect the unexpected when they go to a mixed culture wedding. Do your thing. Have fun. Enjoy! Let the haters hate. There will always be something for picky guests to pick at.
Post # 12
I don’t know much about American ‘money dances’ but I *heart* Nigerian wedding traditions – especially money-spraying. It’s not a part of my culture’s traditions (Caribbean) but I kinda want to have it at my wedding just because. Haha.
I’m also thinking about how to ‘educate’ my wedding guests because I will have a mix of backgrounds at my wedding. I think adding it as a FAQ on the wedding site is cute and I would just talk to them about it if there are any pre-wedding events. I’ve been to my fair share of weddings from different cultures and I try to Google as much as I can butI figure if I chat with folks and give them the heads up as much as possible, that will help them be a bit more prepared!
Post # 13
The people who carry on these traditions don’t have to be told. It is otherwise totally inappropriate to suggest, “educate,” or ask for money in any way. I would not do it at all in any kind of diverse group.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
It might be fun to do a new twist on it and offer streamers or something that would be fun to throw to make it less “money grabby” (even though I doubt most people would mind). I think some of the people on here are a bit judgier than the average guest.
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK
I think it’s perfectly appropriate to explain this custom, among others, in a FAQ on your website. I would just be careful to word it so it’s clear it’s an education, not an invitation to participate.