- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
My father and his brother have always had bad blood between them and when their mother had some serious medical problems last fall, it got even worse. Now, they aren’t even speaking to each other and leaving messages through my grandmother, who is both hard of hearing and suffering from early dementia. My father, who’s in his sixties and has been living with Grandma full time these past nine months in order to keep her safe, can’t handle her anymore and has hired a lawyer to start legal proceedings to force my uncle, who has legal power over Grandma’s estate, to pay for at least in home care, if not a full on nursing home.
My cousin’s in her thirties and fairly independent from her family at this point. We’ve always kept in touch, and I knew she wanted to be a bridesmaid, so, (before Grandma needed 24 hour supervision), I asked her to be part of the wedding party. She said yes. When I was talking about invites, I’ve mentioned several times how her folks would be watching Grandma, and that we’ll send her back with extra cake. She seemed fine with it, and at one point commented that “You dad’s been watching her for four months, mine can do it for a weekend”.
It honestly never occurred to me that people you weren’t talking with would want to go to your wedding. Now, at the four week point, my cousin sent me a note asking if someone can give her lifts to all the wedding pre-events (breakfast, make-up, pictures) since her father, mother, and brother (who last I checked had not been in our state for three years) would have the cars. She would, however, be able to get them to give her a ride between the ceremony venue and the reception.
Now, while my cousin isn’t directly saying that her folks and brother are coming, since Grandma lives over an hour away from the wedding, and the uncle etc. live over four hours away, it doesn’t make sense for them to be just dropping her off. I asked my father, who said that he’d totally believe his brother would show up without an invite, and if Uncle does, that my father will “just leave the d*mn thing”. My sister seconded my father’s opinion, and fully believes that my father will walk out of my wedding if his brother shows up.
So what do I do? Do I call the cousin and put her in the middle of this, asking her what’s going on and why her family thinks they’re invited? Do I call my uncle directly and (assuming he answers) ask what the rundown is? While I’d like to be gentle about this whole thing, I also don’t want to have to throw someone out of my wedding just to keep my father from losing it.
I really don’t care if I talk to any of them, including the cousin in the wedding party, after this, but since they know they’re supposed to be watching Grandma during the event, I also can’t believe I’m going to have do something Bridezilla and possibly “tear up the family” to keep them away either. And I have no idea who’s going to be watching Grandma. Thoughts?