- 7 years ago
I’ve written a little about my complicated family situation on the Bee before, but I am trying to keep it vague just in case anyone familiar happens to see this.
My Fiance and I decided on just including our siblings in the wedding party to keep things simple. For me, this meant including my half-sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and my half-brother as a groomsman. My parents divorced when I was in grade school, and it was messy. My father re-married a couple years later and had children with his wife. As a child, I visited each weekend, but as I got older (and had the choice), I spent less and less time at my father’s house because generally I did not feel welcome by his wife and my father had some personal problems that were difficult for me to deal with. So when I went to college and following, I really didn’t visit at all and saw my siblings sparingly. I regret this because none of this was their fault, but I was protecting myself at time and was very busy with work, etc. I don’t think they every understood why I didn’t make an effort to see them, and I never felt comfortable explaining it to them because I didn’t want to involve them with the issues I had with their parents.
In the last couple of years, however, I started to reach out more and am trying to repair my relationship with my siblings and get to know them more. This has been helped because my father has worked through his own personal problems and my step-mother is generally trying to be nicer. I am also doing my best to put the past behind us. So having my siblings in the wedding party started to bring us together, and I have spent a lot more time with them in the past year (after not seeing them much in about 10 years).
The new concern I have is that my FI’s brother (his best man) will make a wedding toast during our reception. Generally, the Maid/Matron of Honor also gives a toast, but I don’t think my sister can do this for the following reasons: 1. She does not know me that well, 2. She is very shy at times, in her early 20’s, and 3. She recently had a baby and it has been stressful for her, so I don’t want to add anything else to her plate (as my Maid/Matron of Honor, all I want her to do is show up). So, I really think a close of friend of mine is better equipped to make a speech/toast.
Can anyone recommend a nice way to say this to my sister? I don’t want to put her down, but am having difficulty finding the words to say that I am really trying to relieve her of any pressure of making a speech. I was also thinking of maybe giving her a reading to do at the ceremony, but I am still worried about how to delicately recommend this.
Please be gentle in your responses. This is a very emotional subject for me, and I did not disclose a lot of details about the situation, which may help others understand why my family has been fragmented.