- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
Hi, Bees. You all have been so helpful since I joined, hopefully you can help me again.
First off, I want to say I love my mom more than any other female on this planet. She is truely my best friend and has been so supportive of me getting married. She loves my fiance and has been super helpful with planning and making every appointment with me. However….
My mom got married to my dad in 1991. It was my mom’s second marriage, my dad’s first. My dad really doesn’t do “big weddings” or “big parties” so they got married in my grandmother’s (mom’s mom) living room with about 30 guests. My mom didn’t wear a traditional wedding dress, she wore a floral skirt/suit outfit, had a BBQ and what looks & sounds like a great time.
Fast forward to present day.
My fiance and I are getting closer and closer (March 8th, 2014) and we made some pretty personal decisions about the reception. We aren’t having any alcohol. I drink (but not infront of his family), but my fiance and his family does not for religious reasons. It really wouldn’t even be worth it since his family alone is more than half the guest list. I don’t mind and it’s important to him. And really, who wants to deal with overly drunk people during your reception? Not this girl. Lately my mom has been trying to push bringing alcohol to the wedding. I keep telling her no and try not to get defensive about it, but she keeps telling me she’s gonna bring a flask and keep it in her pocket. I know she wouldn’t get out of hand but she keeps saying things like “me and your grandmother will just sit in the car and have our own party” and “well the real party will start when you all leave” I mean, how do you not take that personally? I feel like she’s saying she’s not going to have a good time unless there’s alcohol. I’ve told her this our choice but she just brushes it off. I don’t understand why it’s so important to her, she rarely ever drinks.
One other thing, her wedding had 30 guests. My wedding list is over 100. I can’t really help that. Ryan’s father is 1 of 9 siblings. So all of them have kids, and those kids have kids. The family side of things is already 70 people. Plus really close friends. She keeps telling me to “narrow things down” and “make things more simple” I really feel like I have kept things simple. I haven’t gone crazy on my budget, I don’t want like fire breathers or anything crazy at my wedding, I’ve gotten almost all of our “services” (photography, food, DJ, etc) at a discount because they are family friends. I’m the only daughter and I feel like telling my mom this is your only daughter that you get to spend her only wedding with, why would you tell her to “make things more simple”? She told me just the other day “I wish you guys just went to the courthouse and then your dad and I could’ve just given you money”. I mean, what?
Am I just being too crazy? Sometimes I feel like crying. I just feel like my mom should stop comparing her wedding to mine. She got married almost 23 years before, times have totally changed. I want to include her (plus her and my father are paying for it) but at the same time if she’s going to be negative and say hurtful things I don’t really want her there. How do I explain to her that this is my wedding and the things she’s saying to me really hurt me, without her getting upset?
Help, Bees 🙁