(Closed) How to feel sexy/attractive without a man?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

Go shopping for things you’re excited to wear. Get your nails done. Put up a motivational background on your laptop. Dress up and do your hair and all that for YOURSELF! And for heaven’s sake, please consider going to a therapist. You say that you know your self worth shouldn’t be based off of a man’s opinion etc., but that’s exactly what you’re basing it off of now and you seriously need to fix that if you’re going to be happy!

Post # 3
Member
7787 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
chrissybee :  Take care of YOU. Schedule a massage. Get your hair cut/colored and your nails done. Go to a museum/movie/concert/lecture by yourself. Take a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a great read. Set aside a couple of hours to explore at Sephora or Ulta and try some new things. Splurge on a great wine or a new pair of boots. Feed your soul. Fuel yourself. Know your worth. 

I’m an older Bee and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my extra decades it’s that confidence is the sexiest thing of all.

And put yourself in his shoes a bit. He probably feels bad because he can’t enjoy what he wants to enjoy and worse that he can’t enjoy or please you. If he’s into it you can include him in finding other ways to please yourself. 

Post # 4
Member
3900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I’ve been strugling with self esteem and body image issues all my life so I have no real advice, I have a hard time embrasing my femininity and be girly too. What I realized helps me feel better is getting pedicures regularly. This way when when i get sad and look to the floor… i see my pretty girly toes and it makes me feel better lol. I know it’s such a small thing and it doent fix the big issues… but better than than nothing.

Post # 5
Member
3443 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Honestly? This isn’t something I’d ever need to remind myself. I view myself as a beautiful person whether in a relationship or single so I can’t really relate there. But I can relate to the ED issues. My Fiance had his entire lower half crushed in an accident which ultimately resulted in nerve damage. I’d say 85% of the time he’s fine and our sex life is amazing but now and then that little guy doesn’t want to wake up. One of these instances I’d made a great dinner, lit candles, spent an hour on my hair, put on some slutty lingerie and thought we’d have a wild night. WRONG! It happened to be one of those off nights. But I still felt sexy bc I could see the desire in his eyes and I know it has nothing to do with me. We had an intimate night which was satisfying in its own way. If you know that the issue is physical and you know it has nothing to do with you plus he’s told you this himself then its a psychological barrier you’ve placed on yourself. And idk how you separate these issues but I’m pretty sure letting things go and throwing on sweats isn’t going to help you feel sexy. 

Post # 6
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

What makes you feel good about yourself? My husband’s desire for me doesn’t really change based on what I’m wearing or how I look (I could be unshowered and in baggy sweats and he’d still be down) but I know I feel good about myself when I put some effort in. Getting my hair done or doing my nails, or putting together a cute outfit just makes me feel more confident. 

Post # 9
Member
3443 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

View original reply
chrissybee :  I get it 🙂 But its not that he doesn’t want sex or you its purely bc of a physical limitation. I also understand that you may not feel comfortable bringing it up but discussing your feelings with him can help. We’ve gotten to a point where we can joke about it. ***TMI Alert*** Most people dont know how frustrating sucking a limp dick can be but let me tell you anything to lighten the mood is welcome! lol As someone else asked what makes you feel sexy outside of your relationship? Explore those answers.

Post # 10
Member
7787 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
chrissybee :  There are hundreds of ways to include him along a huge spectrum from asking him to pick out what color polish he’d like to see on your toes to taking him bra shopping with you (I always feel better when I’m wearing a sexy bra, just for me, even if I don’t think anyone else will see it), to helping you apply your body lotion to watching you masturbate.

Touch is important whether or not either of you intends for it to end in sexual intercourse. Be open about it–you both know what’s going on–talk about it. Give each other facials. Draw fake tattoos on his behind with a Sharpee. Watch a movie together naked and enjoy the feel of each other’s skin. This is temporary. You can get through it. 

Post # 11
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

“I feel like the reason our sex life is struggling is because of me – that I’m too fat or ugly or whatever. I find myself gravitating toward baggy clothes and no makeup because it’s like what the point if he’s not even going to notice/desire me for it.”

There are many layers to deal with here, but one I took note of is the tragedy that you’ve been letting yourself go physically and it’s getting to go deeper inside. It seems u know u are dependent upon him to feel good about yourself. Thinking that you can only feel attractive and worthwhile, including sexually worthwhile, is getting you in trouble with yourself/ self-esteem here. Self-worth is far bigger than whether or not he feels attracted to you. You seem to have really narrowed how you rate yourself. At worst your reasoning might go right down to whether or not he’s (ahem) erect or not.

<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

[content moderated for trolling]

Post # 13
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Theater

It is very important to recognize, not only cognitively, but also emotionally that this isn’t about you and your attractiveness. That’s the hardest part, embracing that your sex life is what it is because of a medical condition, not because of you or how your husband feels about you. That said, you should do things that make you feel sexy. Don’t let yourself go just because you feel your husband doesn’t care and isn’t looking– wear nice clothes for you. Do your hair for you. Wear make up for you. Or don’t. So long as you do what you do with your own best interest and happiness in mind.

Also helps if you’re able to talk about this regularly with someone who’s able to ground you and not let your negative self perception run rampant.

The topic ‘How to feel sexy/attractive without a man?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors