(Closed) How to figure out if a wedding gift is missing… or guest did not give one?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011


If you have a wedding website you could upload some of your wedding photos and send the link to ALL guests, then discreetly put a line on your Registry page instructing guests who have had gifts shipped to please check the delivery status as there was a rash of mis-deliveries in your area or something along those lines– a little white lie, to be sure, and no guarantee that every guest whose gift is unaccounted for will actually read that, but could spare someone the embarassment of being quizzed about their un-bought gifts whilst still alerting folks to the possibility of a misdirected package so they can check with you or the store.

Post # 4
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would go ahead and send a Thank You for coming card, and I think at that point if someone gave a card or gift they would realize that there was a mixup and you didn’t get the gift.

However, I think in most cases there isn’t much that can be accomplished by figuring out if someone gave you something or not.  They aren’t going to give you another gift if it was stolen or misplaced. 

Also, I know we had some gifts trickle in after the wedding, so they might be waiting.  

I wouldn’t say anything. 

Post # 5
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

People aren’t stupid. I would avoid any embarrassment caused by people calling the postal services etc. Thank everyone for coming, and thank all of them for their beautiful gift and leave it like that. 

If certain people had not purchased gifts, then this may make them feel guilty and send you something. 

Post # 6
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

My chief bridesmaid didn’t buy us a gift. I was a little hurt as I’d paid for almost everything for her (other than her accommodation) but I know that money is tight and a gift is an extra not a right. There are quite a few other people who didn’t give gifts, but I didn’t invite them for the pressies so I shouldn’t moan if I didn’t get them.

Post # 7
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just send a thank you to every person thanking them for coming and if they gave a gift also thank them for a gift. If someone gave you a gift but you only thanked them for coming I am sure they will contact you about the missing gift. Also if you have a registry you can usually get a print out of all the gifts that were purchased and who purchased them. 

Post # 8
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

For those suggesting she thank people for coming, what if they think she is being rude by not thanking them for the gift they THINK she got?  Isn’t that a problem?

Post # 9
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would contact the people you’re missing cards from and explain that a bunch of cards with cash that were given to you by family went missing and that you didn’t receive a card from them, either.  Tell them your main concern is that if they gave you a card, you didn’t receive it and if there was a check in it, that they should stop payment on the check because you don’t want someone else cashing it illegally.  You can also mention something like “if you didn’t give us a card at all, please disregard this email-it only applies to those who gave us cards and they went missing!” or something.  Make it about the card, not the cash.  I would do it in like a mass email with everyone BCCed.  You can tell when it’s a mass email, so they won’t feel “singled” out.  And just ask them to reply to let you know because if enough cards went missing, “you may consider contacting the venue or filing a police report.”  A little white lie, unless you actually would consider doing that. 

One card probably will always go missing.  But a few?… Also remember:  people have up to a year after the wedding to give gifts. 

Post # 10
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@orchid84:  exactly.

I disagree with contacting people who didn’t give cards/gifts- I’ve personally not brought a gift to a wedding and delivered it a month later. If I received a thank you that didn’t mention a gift I gave, I would double check with the bride to ensure that they did receive it.

Post # 11
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

PLEASE don’t send out an email asking people if they sent you cards! That is so rude! Send them a thank you note for attending and let them know you really enjoyed having them there.

If they gave a card with a check, they will figure out it gost lost when the check doesn’t clear.

If they didn’t give you a card, then they won’t be horrified by an email asking them where their card is.

If they gave you a card with cash and you didn’t explicitly thank them in your note, they will get clued in that you didn’t recieve it and will contact you on their own.

PLEASE don’t hunt down your guests to “make sure” they know you didn’t get a gift from them. It’s terrible manners and there is no way to do it graciously. A gift is not required, and even at that, they have up to a year to send one. 

Post # 12
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I’m sure they will ask if you end out a nice card that thanks you for their attendence and doesn’t mention a gift. This is why I always send a cheque and watch to ensure it has been cashed.

Post # 13
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is exactly why I never bring gifts/cards to weddings.  I always send it right after.  Although one time I waited about two weeks to finally put a card in the mail with a check in it, and the bride texted me the day after I sent it to see if I left something at the wedding because they were missing a few things and they didn’t get anything from me.  I can see how some people would be miffed by that, especially only 2 weeks after the wedding!  But I didn’t care since that’s the exact reason that I don’t leave anything at the venue.  Inevitably, a few gifts/cards get lost in the shuffle.  I’d just cut your losses unless you know for a fact that they gave you something.  

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