sassy411 : Thanks for your response. This in particular is probably true: <em style=”background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position-x: 0px; background-position-y: 0px; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; border-image-outset: 0; border-image-repeat: stretch; border-image-slice: 100%; border-image-source: none; border-image-width: 1; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; max-height: 1000000px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; border: 0px none #464646;”>‘The boyfriend hunt is starting to take on the qualities of an obsession‘.
It’ turning into an obsession probably because I don’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. You see, like I said in one of my earlier comments, I am quite determined and so when I decide on something, I muster all my energy, time and resources to achieve it, it’s worked pretty well in other areas of my life:
1) my career – I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and have the kind of job that I do. I did whatever was necessary to get there (in terms of education/ qualification/ etc). And I succeeded. Just in the past 12 months I have received a number of job offers, I chose the best one of them all and feel that it’s well deserved.
2) I have mastered a foreign language and am currently teaching it part time. Yes, it’s English actually. Because no, English isn’t my first language. Again, I put a lot of effort into it and I succeeded, so much so that a lot of people wouldn’t guess that English isn’t my mother tongue.
3) Fitness goals – once again, I knew where I wanted to get and through hard work (exercise and a meaningul diet) I’ve got there and I have a body I am proud of (not meaning to brag).
4)….and so on and so forth.
I thought it would be the same with dating. That if I put some effort (and in my case money too) into it, the results will start coming thick and fast just like the results in my professional life, my fitness regime etc. But no.
I actually don’t think (or I didn’t before starting this thread) that I was being desperate which quite a few people have mentioned here. Because I felt there was no need to be desperate. I just thought that when hard work had paid off in every other area of my life, I didn’t see a reason as to why it wouldn’t work in dating. So I wasn’t desperate. I was determined and switched on, ready to go and reap the fruits of my hard labour so to speak.
But because nothing has worked so far I may be starting to feel a little desperate now….maybe not so much desperate as resigned perhaps. Say, for example, I’ve looked into the English speaking dating sites here in Prague – there are some but all unpaid (not the likes of match.com or eharmony in sight), I wonder if unpaid sites may attract more weirdos – because I work on the basis that only if people (men) have serious intentions to find a relationship, they would pay for the services of an online dating site. Weirdos, creepos and those looking for just a hook up would not, they’d instead go to one of those unpaid sites…right?
Also, when it comes to attraction – you mention that I should consider men who are perhaps not up to my standards (they may be short or whatever) – where do I draw the line between ‘settling’ and ‘being open minded’. Say – both of my serious relationships in the past were with guys who were bald. I don’t find baldness attractive but I gave them a chance. The last one was not only bald but had a not very attractive body shape. I stayed with him anyway. However, the problem was that I didn’t find him attractive enough which negativelly affected our sex life (but the real reason for the break up was his cheating).
What I am saying is that sure, I can be open-minded but I want a guy who is attractive. He doesn’t have to be universally attractive but he needs to be attractive to me. Men have it the same way: do you know a guy who is looking for a woman who wouldn’t be attractive to him, but he may consider her anyway because, say, she’s a good cook? It’s like double standards here: men can get away with saying that they want an attractive girlfriend/wife, but when a woman calls for an attractive husband, she’s advised to grow up.
I am being called desperate here, but I actually think that entering a relationshiop with someone I don’t find attractive would be desperate (on the basis that I’d rather be with him than single). On an attractiveness scale of 1-10, I’d rate myself 8.5. Sorry if it sounds too arrogant.
Why shouldn’t I expect to find someone who is in the similar bracket in terms of their looks?
On one hand side I am being advised not to settle, but then I am expected to consider guys who I wouldn’t normally. I feel that I’ve already done my charitable bit by spending 12 years of my life with guys who I didn’t find particularly attractive (in case of the second one I even had people asking me what I saw in him!), I feel now is the time to go for someone I find attractive and attracted to…..but yes, by saing this I am running the risk of being called picky. I just can’t win…