Post # 1
I asked a girl who was my best friend to be my bridesmaid two years ago and my wedding is in September. She has since moved away and lives about 8 hours away so we only talk on Facebook but not that often which is fine as she’s busy or it was. Since I set a date in September she has hardly spoken to me at all. I’ve tried to send her pictures if bridesmaid dresses to see what she would like and she just says I will wear anything and stops talking.
Im only having her as my only bridesmaid as it’s costing so much to get her here and then the hotel for several nights and then dress, hair and so on and I feel like she doesn’t want to be involved. She came down here before Christmas to see family and didn’t even tell me. I know she was busy and I wouldn’t have made her see me but would have been nice to be told. I tried to skype her for a wedding dress fitting but she was too busy on every day I suggested.
So honestly how can I fire her? I don’t think she even wants to do it but I’m not sure how’s the nicest way to say your gone as she won’t attend at all if I’m not paying. I’m going to have my sister in law instead who I couldn’t have because of cost of first bridesmaid but she’s been amazing.
Post # 2
Well really, how could her enthusiasm not wane after a 3 year engagement. But regardless, I would leave that part out of it and just blame the finances. It sounds like she doesn’t care about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man anyway so she’ll likely appreciate the out.
Post # 3
You can’t fire her because being a bridesmaid is a role and not a job unless of course you are paying her which I assume you are not.
What you can do however is have a discussion with her and ask her if she really wants to be a bridesmaid or not because it doesn’t sound like she does from your point of view. she could very well make the decision to step down herself.
Post # 4
I am sorry, but what has she done wrong? What do you expect of your bridesmaid?
Post # 5
Have you talked to her about it? Tell her how you feel before you go throwing her out the wedding. If she says she doesn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man than fine she is out. I get how frustrating it is but what if she does have every intention of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and is just real busy? Maybe ask her how she i doing instead of talking about the wedding and see if she responds.
Post # 6
Just tell her your plans have changed, and that she doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid any more. Call her with “GREAT” news! and tell her you’ve found a way for her to get out of all this “mess”. Fall on the sword, and give her the out. She’ll appreciate it.
Post # 7
If she’s avoiding all appointments and things, then it sounds like she may not even be interested anymore. I would simply ask her straight out if she wanted to be a bridesmaid still [or ask her again since the last time was 2 years ago? That’s a long time!]. She might not be interested anymore.
Post # 8
@daisy914 I at least expect her to show an interest in her dress as a bridesmaid and some support.
I asked her two years ago although wasn’t technically engaged until just over a year ago but I knew it was coming. It will be almost exactly two years engaged when we marry.
she’s the sort of person that if I ask her she will say she still wants to be even if she doesn’t just to be polite (were quite British) so I might use finances as an excuse. Which wouldn’t be a lot of an excuse it’s costing about £1500-£2000 to have her as a bridesmaid. I did reask her once we set a date in august and she said yes and has basically vanished since then although is always online Which I think is what’s frustrating she is always posting on Facebook but won’t say yes I like that bridesmaids dress or no I hate it. I’m also paying for her boyfriend I have met once for an hour tI attend as well, flights, hotel ect.
Post # 9
I would definitely just have a discussion with her and tell her that you are giving her an out with no hard feelings. Emphasise the distance between you and the costs/finances of her being a bridesmaid. Tell her you would love to have her there as a guest!
Post # 10
I think you should tell her that you unfortunately can not afford to pay for all of the expenses for her to attend. I don’t think it’s fair that you are paying for her entire trip, hair, and dress and she can’t even humor you when discussING yyour wedding. A lot of people seem to think that a bridesmaid is supposed to just stand up next to you when you get married however they have roles to play. The role may differ between weddings however one of the major roles is to be a support person and she doesn’t seem to be that for you. I think you should nicely I’m form her that you can’t afford the expenses and if she wants to be apart of the wedding she will have to pitch in. That way you will be able to also have your sister in law.
Post # 11
I agree with PP. Tell her you can’t afford to pay for everything for her. Its not fair to you to be catering to someone else when its YOUR day. If she says anything about not being able to be in the wedding, then go with it.