Post # 1
My fiance asked a long-time family friend of his to be one of his groomsmen, a few weeks after our engagement last September. our wedding is this September 08, and he now wishes he had asked another good friend of his to be a groomsman, instead of the first guy. The good friend is more excited about our wedding, asking questions, and has already bought his ticket to travel across the country for the day. The ‘current groomsman" and my fiance have not spoken since the intial groomsman conversation, and fiance has made attempts to contact him, but has not heard from him as of yet. We also just found out that ‘current groomsman’ just got married, and did not even mention it. Fiance would rather have someone who is genuinely excited and happy for him to stand by his side than someone who is rather blaze about the whole thing. What are your suggestions?
Post # 3
Well at first I was gonna say suck it up and ask the second guy in addtion to the first- you may be lopsided but it sounds important to include the second friend, and it would be kind of rude to renig on the first. Then I read that the first guy got married and you didn’t even get an announcement?! Whoa. Not very nice! So at this point I’d relegate him to being an usher and not mention it to him- unless of course he suddently becomes an amazingly good friend again, then you can secretly re-promote him.
Post # 4
I had to fire a Bridesmaid or Best Man for the same reasons, and I was MUCH happier after the fact, as my replacement Bridesmaid or Best Man was awesome. Since the current Groomsmen hasn’t responded to any of your FI’s attempts at contacting him, I’d say that’s perfect justification for firing.
Since he’s not returning any calls, your Fiance should leave a voicemail or email him saying something like, "I was excited about having you in my wedding, but it seems like your schedule might be too busy to commit to being a part of it since you haven’t returned my calls and the wedding is 6 months away.
I completely understand and want you to know that you no longer have to worry about being a part of it. I can ask someone else who has a little more time on their hands."
Be definitive and make sure you communicate that you’ve already made your decision that he’s not going to be in the wedding. Don’t allow for any wiggle room for him to think that the choice is up to him. Good luck!
Post # 5
ditto exactly what carrieitly said!
Post # 6
I second SoCalBeachGirl. And while it might be nicer to do it in person, if your Fiance can’t get him to return his calls, its totally okay to do it by voicemail, or even email. I’m sure he was busy with his own wedding, but the fact that he didn’t even let you know he was getting married definately shows he’s not enough of a friend to include as a Groomsmen. If you can’t actually get him on the phone, I wouldn’t rely on him as an usher either. Although your Fiance could mention in his voicemail that if the friend still wants to be involved in some way he should give him a call. If you get no call, then I would give him no duties – he’s obviously not that interested.
Post # 7
ditto to carrieitly and rebecca! I was thinking the same thing!
Also, sounds like he already cut himself outta it…
For sure ask the 2nd guy though!