(Closed) How to fire bridesmaids?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Winter12: honestly if you do ask them to step down you should be fully aware it’s a good possibility you won’t have them as friends and they may not even come to the wedding. Sorry you are dealing with that, drama stinks.

Post # 4
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

couple thoughts:

the wedding is still REALLY far out. their interest level may change as you get closer to the date.  don’t have anyone order dresses yet.

if you notice their attitudes not changing when you are 6-7 months out from the wedding, then i’d suggest sitting with each of them individually and asking them if they actually want to be in the wedding, cos you’ve felt them distancing themselves from you, blah blah.  approach it this way.  give them an out- don’t kick them out.

Post # 6
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Winter12: ok you sound very wedding stressed in general, my dear.  can you take a break from everyone this weekend and just have a nice relaxing time with FI?  maybe switch the phone off, regather your thoughts and remember what’s really important to you.  some good old fashioned pampering never hurt anyone!  (except, maybe, marie antoinette)

Post # 8
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Winter12: you know, that might even be better.  some time to yourself with a good book, bubble bath and relaxing music might help you clear your head of all this wedding nonsense. after all, when you look at Fiance, part of you must think, “wedding!”

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with @Mrs. Meowerson: since the wedding more than 12 months away its hard for them to maintain the same amount of excitement about it as you. Once you get past the 7month count down things will start to be more real and they will be more informed.  I have 8 months to go and I’m not expecting much from my BMs at this point, I’m doing alot of things myself  Once i get to the 6month mark I will totally change gears

Post # 12
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i am very fortunate that half of my bridesmaids act like my wedding is one of the great events of 2011. the other half? well, they don’t really care about our colors, the planning, etc. they are happy to be IN the wedding, and want to know where to be, when to be there, and what to wear. that’s fine, that they don’t want to be that involved, i still want them standing up there with me on my wedding day. they just aren’t that “into” weddings.

you’ve got to remember that your wedding is not as important to them as it is to you and you can’t expect them to be as “into” planning as you are.you can’t expect people to spend hours and hours on the phone with you discussing colors for your wedding. if they want to do that–GREAT! but don’t hold it against them that they don’t want to be as involved as you want them to be.

i’m not going to get into the fact that you say they are “bipolar”….if you really feel that way, maybe you should try to find some new friends with more stable temperments.

Post # 14
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you are expecting too much from them.  They should only be expected to buy the dress and show up. The Maid/Matron of Honor usually as a bit more responsibility like throwing a shower / bachlorette party.

My friends flake on lunch, I just know that they are my flaky friends.  I woulnt ask my flaky friend to be a Maid/Matron of Honor.  Just tell them that the Bridesmaid or Best Man lucheon is mandatory and the rehersal is mandotroy no matter what.  I am sure they will come through to important stuff like this.

Post # 16
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I definitely understand what you’re going through. And I agree with you, that it isn’t so much about the wedding, it’s the fact that they aren’t being very good friends in general right now and that’s making you question whether or not they should be bridesmaids.

I went through a very similar situation where I had two friends that started doing things without me and just stopped inviting me to things/talking to me in general, after I had asked them to be in my wedding party. It got to the point where we were barely talking at all so I sent them each an email explaining how I felt that we were drifting as friends and that I would completely understand if they would be happier attending as guests. Since they haven’t done anything crazy bad I would refrain from kicking them out, but if you give them an option to backout it could help. They will either realize how they’ve been hurting you and start being better friends, or they will probably agree to stepdown as a bridesmaid and relieve you of some stress.

In my situation, both of them decided it was best to stepdown, but it’s actually really helped our friendship to have that discussion and we’re getting along so much better now!

I would give it a bit of time to see if anything sorts itself out in the next while, and if it doesn’t then I would get together with them individually and try to have a calm discussion about the friendship and how you’re feeling.

Good luck and I really hope everything works out for you!

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