(Closed) How to forget?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that if you decided to forgive him…then that’s it. If he is truley showing a change and hasnt gone back to his old ways then you have to really trust him, which I know sometimes is easier said then done. But if you chose to forgive him and be with him you have to compeltely trust him and put it in the past. If you can’t get past that, and are always worried it won’t work out. I think it will destroy your relationship.

Good luck hun!

Post # 4
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

all you can do is put those thoughts our of your mind when they crop up.

it sounds like he grew up and realized what was important. congrats! don’t let anyone make you doubt your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

T I M E… time and new memories will replace old doubts.  Knowing what someone is capable of isn’t a terrible thing in my opinion.  Knowing how he was, could make you love him even more because his feelings for you slapped him in the head and woke his butt up. 😉

Post # 6
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i completely second tuckers

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

With time as long as your Fiance proves himself to be consistent and trustworthy, your feelings about this incident will probably fade. He should be understanding if you feel hesitant at times and maybe require a lot of information about his whereabouts, and at the same time you should make an effort to give him the benefit of the doubt.

So I don’t think your feelings will instantly disappear and it will always be a dark memory, but with time you can heal with FI’s help.

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with mlnpns, it takes time.   Forgiveness and trusting someone isn’t always an automatic thing, it takes time to forgive and heal and also to trust that someone isn’t going to revert.  I would be hesitant to get engaged to someone a year after something like that happened it wouldn’t be enough time for me for them to demonstrate their changedness and new trustworthiness to me.  But I do think people can change and you just need more right now to feel completely secure, and that’s OK.  If it’s really something worth holding onto he’ll keep proving himself to you.

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like you both have move forward.  He’s made amends.  You’ve forgiven and trust again.  But forgiveness can be a process.  Have you ever told him how you still have thoughts?  Or in general do you feel like you’ve talked everything through to your satisfaction?  If not, maybe try that.

 

But honestly, it sounds like you are in a good place with this.  The fact that some of the bad memories creep up… I don’t know.  They are memories.  I’m not sure you can simply forget them.  But just because you remember them, doesn’t mean he is less forgiven.  Sometimes we have a few scars.  (And sometimes it’s remembering is a good thing.)  I agree time will help.

Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The bad memories will pop up time to time – it’s normal.  As long as you KNOW there is no backsliding and he’d never do it again, I think you’ll be fine.  If you’re alone, take a minute and let yourself cry if you need to, but don’t let yourself dwell on it.  Time is the only thing tha will put those memories further and further away from you. 

Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Tanya123: That’s right. Forgiveness doesn’t always equal forgetting right away. TIME will heal.

Post # 12
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Same thing happened here. It happened 8 months ago and like you said, it’s still fresh in my head. And it still makes me so angry and upset. But like your man, he is 1,000% better about EVERYTHING. It’s been the greatest 8 months of our relationship and there’s no doubt he’s the one. I don’t think we should ever forget. Forgetting something like that would be stupid. The things we go through make us stronger and we need to remember where we came from. 

Post # 13
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it will take more time. He hurt you and you’ve fogiven him but that doesn’t mean you forget everything that happened. Just be patient and it will all work itself out 🙂 I don’t think it’s something you can force…it just has to happen with time.

Post # 14
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Definitely time. Not only will your feelings of anger and hurt cool down in time but hopefully he will have proved his trustworthiness to you over and over again until the old stuff feels like a different person. In the first two years of our relationship I held some stuff from his past over my now husband’s head. Some issues were strictly taboo between us, I couldn’t even stand the mentioning of some girls’ names etc. We’ve now been together for over five years and been through so much together all that stuff seems so distant and trivial now. I can run into any of those girls at a party and just shrug it off. They’re all distant vague memories from a past life.

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