(Closed) How to gauge grandparents' interest in child-care role?

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

I would only start ttc if you can afford to have the baby without any of their assistance. Once you get to that stage, i would only chat to them when YOU know whether you will be returning to full or part time work.

I think it’s unfair to assume that IL’s will be babysitters – they have done the hard yards with their child. Now it’s your child = your responsibility!

On the other side if the grandparents are jumping up & down wanting to take a day or 2 a week to babysit, then awesome!

Post # 4
277 posts
Helper bee

@Truffle-hunter:  I would not ever ask for them to take care of your child, because that is a lot of work and what if they get tired of it or feel obligated even though they don’t want to? I wouldn’t have a kid unless you could afford childcare without relying on them. 

Post # 5
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Nic01:  +1

@Truffle-hunter:  It is better to start TTC with assumption of not receiving help so you can budget accordingly. Even if one set agrees to help with childcare, what happens if an unfortunate, unexpected illness occurs or circumstances change? Would you be able to afford childcare otherwise?

If you can afford and just want to feel them out to see if they can offer additional support, then I would suggest just broaching the conversation with them in a casual way with no expectations or pressures.


Post # 7
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Truffle-hunter:  I don’t have children myself, but I do have some experience in this situation. My SIL (brother’s wife) “accidentally” (another story for another day) got pregnant (in her 30s). Her expectation was that my parents would babysit so she could return to school, as well as fund these ventures. Obviously, that did not happen. This caused quite a bit of friction between SIL and my mom- my mom wants to help in every capacity she can, but she’s almost 60- she wants to be a grandmother, not a babysitter. Plus, she has some orthopedic issues that would make caring for anything other than her pet chihuahua very challenging and painful. Based on what I’ve learned about the situation, I wouldn’t expect help and would definitely have enough in savings to pay for it in the event my family was unable to help. I think the best thing to do is to just be honest and say “I know this is a lot to think about and to ask, but if we were to have a baby in the next year, would you be able to help us out a day or two a week? Please take all the time you need to think about it. We understand if you cannot do it, we certainly wouldn’t want to impose on you.”

Post # 10
855 posts
Busy bee

We’ve been so lucky. My Mother-In-Law offered and has been keeping our 4yo forever. She goes theri when I go to work and I pick her up after. It helps that my schedule is flexible and I always take a day off a week to give Mother-In-Law a break.

we decided on this arrangement by just brining it up. I think we mentioned not wanting to do day care and getting a nanny and she just said “no, I’ll keep her. Don’t waste money”. She keeps her for 4.5 hours a day unless Im modeling and then it’s longer stretches. She loves the bonding although I can tell when she needs a break and so I take an extra day off work!

Post # 11
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Truffle-hunter:  Well your exact words were….”Is one full day a suitable amount of time to ask them to care for the child per week? Would it be reasonable to ask them to come to our house to collect the child?”

So we naturally assumed you were asking them to be baby sitters…otherwise why would you even have this conversation? 

ETA: Based on what you provided, it was difficult to tell how much help vs need you had. So I think people were offering advice based on that.

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