(Closed) how to gently suggest we need more money?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 122
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@BabyBrain:  Wanting three children and being able to support three children on one income are two entirely different things. If your Fiance is happy where he is (which is rare!) then why should he have to change that so you can have more kids? He will have a lot of pressure being the only one working, and he should at least get to enjoy his work. You could always get a part time job or do some home based work to contribute. It is not easy to raise even one child on a single income let alone three, especially with high expectations of what you will do with them.

Post # 123
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

OP you have a whole lot going on in your life at the moment.  If you truly want to devote yourself to your future children then the very least you owe them is to be fulfilled and at peace with your life as it is BEFORE they come into the world.  They will be unable for several years to be anything but dependent on you.  And if you are still working on your own issues then they will unintentionally put more pressure on those and not less.  Also, if your Fiance gives in and then does not interact much with your children due to long hours at work, you will come to resent that as well.  Because your children will wonder why he is not around and you will be the only one around for them to take out their frustrations.  Finally, you assume you can go right back to work in a few years with no problem.  But as some recent articles in the New York Times have reported, once you’re out, in today’s economy, getting back in ain’t so easy.  See link.

If your plan is to be a good mom then that begins BEFORE you even get pregnant by laying the groundwork for a stable life with both parents fully committed.   Work on that first and then go from there.

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/#r/segment/why-women-who-left-work-now-want-their-jobs-back/52028d8178c90a30d80000bc

Post # 124
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh wow, so I thought when you said you were still in school and going to teach, I thought you meant like GRAD SCHOOL and you were working full time along with it. This all makes SO much more sense to know that you’re 21.

Post # 125
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

@sara_tiara:  “….actually, waiting until you are BOTH ready to have kids is the very definition of fair. You are not a victim just because you aren’t getting your way”

+1.

@kay01:  Wow. I cannot believe all that is true. Insanity.

Seriously OP, you need to calm down, take a huge step back and look at what is causing you to be so obsessed with having a baby/babies and why you think it’s acceptable for you to try and push your poor Fiance into something he’s made very clear, he’s not ready for.

Post # 126
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Is this something that you and your Fiance have discussed before? Has he mentioned before about maybe wanting to move on to another job as opposed to staying where he is? If he is really happy where he’s at, I’m not sure its fair for you to ask him to leave a job he loves if he doesn’t want to. It is possible for both parents to work without needing daycare. You could work a job that has flexibility with hours so you work a different shift than he does, or work his off days. I think you should just be open to compromise. With that said though, I do admire your aspirations for being a stay at home. Good luck, I hope you can make it work.

Post # 127
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kay01:  damn!!!!

 

i have baby fever too but OP has a straight up obsession. she just sounds so immature and her expectations are so unrealistic that i feel badly for her. i feel sorry for her Fiance. she could be saying he agrees and feels the same but i can’t really imagine he does.

 

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