Post # 1
Knowing that a friend who is planning a wedding could potentially see this post makes me scared to post it, but I’m not sure how to handle this situation and figured I would ask the Hive for a little insight.
A friend of mine is getting married next weekend out of state. It is a non-Saturday wedding, and my husband can’t attend because he can’t take time off of work. So three friends from work are driving (6 hours) to the location the morning of the wedding, attending, then waking up early on Saturday to make the return trip.
The bride has asked for help on various elements of the wedding (place cards, favors, other random odds and ends) and I’ve been happy to help, despite having 3 other co-workers who are in the wedding and not seeming to ever be around when she’s needed help with these things.
She approached me a few days ago to give me a time to get to the reception venue the day of the wedding to help her aunt set up centerpieces and place cards. I reminded her that I’m driving in that morning — and we have to check in and get ready at a hotel which is 45 mins from the remote venue. So then she offered I could show up an hour later (still 3 hours prior to the ceremony).
I’m really struggling with this because A) She has 7 bridesmaids and herself who will be at the venue three hours prior to the wedding (I helped coordinate her day-of schedule, so I’m not just assuming this). And B) She didn’t ask if I would be willing to help her aunt, but just assumed I would. That would have allowed me an “out” considering my transportation situation (4 women sharing 1 car) isn’t going to allow me to help unless all of them are willing to hang at the venue for 3 hours.
I know she’s stressed, and I don’t want to come across as cruel or unwilling to help on her big day, but this request is logistically impossible. Help??
Post # 3
I think you just need to say, “I’m really sorry, but I’m already bending over backwards to make this trip and I have three other traveling companions so I need to keep things flexible and I can’t commit to that extra time.” It’s better to be clear about that up-front than to tie yourselves in knots and get into some unforeseen situation that will cause resentment to fester and blow up later.
Post # 4
Tell her straight-out that you can’t do it. You’re driving in that morning and won’t be able to get there much before the ceremony because of the pre-established carpool situation. Apologize, but don’t back down.
Post # 5
I agree, you just have to be upfront and say that since you are driving that morning, the unfortunately it is just impossible to be there that early.
Post # 6
I agree with others about being honest. It’s better for her to hear up front than to be disappointmented the day of. This way she still has some time to find someone else to help out.
I don’t understand why she would ask you (a coworker) to help set-up without you offering? I didn’t even dare ask my family and friends to help out since they all had to travel to my wedding. I would do it myself but I knew that realistically I didn’t have the time so I paid professionals to handle the logistics. All my family and friends had to do was get dressed, show up, have a good time, and then leave when the party was over. I was hosting. How could I ask my aunts and uncles in their formal clothes to take out the trash?
Post # 7
Are you a bridesmaid? Even if you are she is totally out of her mind thinking she can just assume you will go help after all you have done plus the long drive that morning. You need to be upfront and tell her you’re sorry but you just can’t do it.
Post # 8
Just say I am really sorry, I wish I could be there that early but I can’t
Post # 9
Are you even part of her bridal party? You just need to put your foot down. Use the 1 car for 4 girls excuse if you have to.
Post # 10
You see like her go to as he other ones don’t seem reliable, so I would just point out that you know you have been there for her every step of the way but you can’t do what she asked, and wish you could, but it can’t happen…
Post # 11
If it’s not possible, it’s not possible! Agree with others…but honest. It’s not just about you but the other 4 people you’re travelling with and it’s just too much of a push for time. Tell her of course you’ll be there as soon as you can!
Post # 12
@profiterole: I don’t understand why she would ask you (a coworker) to help set-up without you offering? I didn’t even dare ask my family and friends to help out since they all had to travel to my wedding. I would do it myself but I knew that realistically I didn’t have the time so I paid professionals to handle the logistics.
I definitely agree. I had one bridesmaid who surprised me and came into town 3 days early to help me with my wedding stuff. It was NOT expected, and she did so just because she is a sweetheart and had the time to help (any wonder why I picked her as a bridesmaid?)
It honestly hurts my feelings a bit that she’s expecting so much of me, but doesn’t consider me a close enough friend to be in her wedding party. She even was mentioning that they need someone to act as a “gift attendant” to help gather up gifts at the end of the night and load them into a vehicle.
I didn’t know that agreeing to help her with certain aspects of the wedding automatically signed me up for day-of responsibilities! She asked months ago if I could be a contact person for the venue (just my phone number) in case they needed to contact someone while she and the bridesmaids were at the salon. There was in no way any agreement that I would be a day-of coordinator!
Post # 13
@MrsEdamame: I think she has asked a ton more of you than I would ever ask of anyone. You have done way more than any guest or friend should. Its time to put your foot down and just say no.
Post # 14
holy crap – just say you hope your assistance so far has been helpful, but unfotunately you’re not going to be there to assist with the things she needs on the day so you hope she can find someone else to her aunt.