(Closed) How to gently tell a friend she expecting too much?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I think you just need to say, “I’m really sorry, but I’m already bending over backwards to make this trip and I have three other traveling companions so I need to keep things flexible and I can’t commit to that extra time.” It’s better to be clear about that up-front than to tie yourselves in knots and get into some unforeseen situation that will cause resentment to fester and blow up later.

Post # 4
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell her straight-out that you can’t do it.  You’re driving in that morning and won’t be able to get there much before the ceremony because of the pre-established carpool situation.  Apologize, but don’t back down.

Post # 5
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree, you just have to be upfront and say that since you are driving that morning, the unfortunately it is just impossible to be there that early. 

Post # 6
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with others about being honest.  It’s better for her to hear up front than to be disappointmented the day of.  This way she still has some time to find someone else to help out. 

I don’t understand why she would ask you (a coworker) to help set-up without you offering?  I didn’t even dare ask my family and friends to help out since they all had to travel to my wedding.  I would do it myself but I knew that realistically I didn’t have the time so I paid professionals to handle the logistics.  All my family and friends had to do was get dressed, show up, have a good time, and then leave when the party was over.  I was hosting.  How could I ask my aunts and uncles in their formal clothes to take out the trash?

Post # 7
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you a bridesmaid? Even if you are she is totally out of her mind thinking she can just assume you will go help after all you have done plus the long drive that morning. You need to be upfront and tell her you’re sorry but you just can’t do it.

Post # 8
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just say I am really sorry, I wish I could be there that early but I can’t

Post # 9
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Are you even part of her bridal party? You just need to put your foot down. Use the 1 car for 4 girls excuse if you have to.

Post # 10
1330 posts
Bumble bee

You see like her go to as he other ones don’t seem reliable, so I would just point out that you know you have been there for her every step of the way but you can’t do what she asked, and wish you could, but it can’t happen…



Post # 11
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If it’s not possible, it’s not possible! Agree with others…but honest. It’s not just about you but the other 4 people you’re travelling with and it’s just too much of a push for time. Tell her of course you’ll be there as soon as you can!

Post # 13
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@MrsEdamame:  I think she has asked a ton more of you than I would ever ask of anyone.  You have done way more than any guest or friend should. Its time to put your foot down and just say no.

Post # 14
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

holy crap – just say you hope your assistance so far has been helpful, but unfotunately you’re not going to be there to assist with the things she needs on the day so you hope she can find someone else to her aunt.


People. Honestly.

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