(Closed) How to get back out there and date?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Like a ripping off a bandaid or getting in a cold pool. Just do it, jump in. Maybe try online dating. I’ve always been a fan. Or go find a new outfit with your girlfriends and go out for drinks. The concept of finding your dating mojo is much more fleeting in your head than it is once you actually get out there. Once you put yourself out there you might be surprised how quickly it all comes back to you. I truly believe every woman is sexy, they never lose it. It might get stuffed in a corner because, hey, life is complicated. But you never lose it.

Post # 4
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@claireos: said everything I was going to.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 6
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Soladylike: I think an important part of that is being open to meeting people in places you might not usually think of – for example, I met my fiance in a Starbucks while I was studying.  You never know when love might find you, so just keep an open mind about it, and be sure to smile at any guy that catches your eye 🙂

Post # 7
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I needed to get my mojo back too after dealing with a serious illness and not dating for 5 years. I dipped my toes back in the dating pool by going to OKCupid.com. It’s free and there’s lots to do there–forums, quizes, compatability questions, personal journals, etc. It was lots of fun and no pressure. Just make sure you don’t spend forever talking without meeting. (meet within 2 weeks and don’t spill too much info about yourself via online/IM/phone or you’ll have nothing to talk about when you meet) Or chat away with people you won’t meet (long distance).

Online flirting was just what I needed to get back my mojo.

BTW- Darling Husband was the 2nd guy I went out with from OKCupid.

Post # 9
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Soladylike: Many people meet online. Sure there are crazies on there, so you just have to be careful! Don’t give personal info out and meet in a public place. There are so many great people using online dating services. I have friends who have used them and had success. You may have to weed through to find a great guy, but they are out there! I know many people who have met their partner using dating services. It’s great because you can chat for a bit before meeting, so it isn’t as awkward as a blind date. If I hadn’t met my husband when I did four years ago, I probably would have ended up using an online dating service if I didn’t meet somebody.

Post # 10
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Can you really meet someone? Yes, you can. Online dating is just like dating IRL. But you can meet more people, faster. Good people are online, bad people are online. Just like IRL, there are good and bad.

But aren’t they all crazy, lying, ax murderers? No, most are really nice, truthful people. But some are crazy, lying ax murderers. But are you going to tell me you’ve never met anyone IRL that was crazy or a liar?  You just have to be careful (meet in a public place and forward their info to a friend) and trust your instinct.

But every time I look, I don’t find anyone I’m attracted to. They are all ugly or their profile is stupid.  First, look around you. Really start to pay attention to the people you see at Starbucks or the grocery store. How many of them are you attracted to? There are lots and lots of unattractive people in the world. This is no different in the online world. But the best part of being online is you know those people are single and interested in dating. Also, if you aren’t finding anyone on one dating site, go to another—hell, go to all of them. Just keep checking back, you never know who is going to sign up today. Remember, it only takes one…

But it’s so much work… Dating, putting yourself out there, takes effort. But online dating gives you the best odds. Dating is all about numbers, meeting enough people to eventually meet the one right person. Anything that is worth it takes time and effort. Don’t think of every wrong guy as the reason you shouldn’t be online dating. Think of it as being one step closer to the right guy.

Some tips

Be truthful in your profile, but put your best foot forward. Choose nice, recent photos, but no glamor pictures where you don’t look yourself. And make sure one of them has your full body (but not a bathing suit).

Your profile should be light and humorous without trying too hard. It should mostly be about you with only a few lines about what type of person you are looking for. A profile should be like a marketing campaign, you want to ‘sell’ the best parts of yourself that differentiates you everyone else.

When you talk about yourself, don’t list “duh” things like “I like romantic comedies”. Umm duh, you are a girl. That doesn’t make you any different from a thousand other girls.

If you are going to list your favorite things, keep the list short. When guys would list all 100 favorite sci-fi movies—snore! List things that make you different or unique.

When you do mention what you are looking for, leave out things that are “duh” statements—I want someone who is honest, umm duh! Talk about the things that will make one guy different from another. Do you want sporty or geeky? That kind of thing.

Check out the competition. Look at the women’s profile in your age range, in your area. What are they writing? The joke you think is hilarious might also be on 10 other women’s profile- yeah not so funny anymore.

When you look at guy’s profiles, try to look past some simple mistakes or bad writing. But don’t waste your time if it’s really bad. If this is their best foot forward, they should put the time into making sure it’s good.

Don’t let guys ‘wink’ at you. Lots of ‘drive by winking’ out there. If you don’t have the time to read my profile and respond to *me*, then I don’t have time for you.

Don’t ever IM if you are interested in more than just chatting. People will chat and chat just because they are bored. They have no intention to date you and will never meet you. Don’t waste your energy. Unless you are also at the place where you aren’t ready to meet, and just want to harmlessly flirt—then chat away.

Don’t spend too much time emailing back and forth. And don’t give up too much information. Try to meet up within a week or two of initial contact. No use getting attracted to someone online, only to realize that you aren’t attracted to them IRL. Also, revealing too much info before meeting makes the actual meeting awkward. There is a reason small talk was invented.

Practice good online dating karma—if someone emails you and makes reference to  something in your profile, write back even if it’s to say, “Thank you for you nice message, but I don’t think we are a match. Good Luck”. Ignore all the ‘drive by messages’  (U R cute, email me back…)

Have fun and don’t take it too seriously.

Post # 11
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@KoiKove: Every single thing you said. Couldn’t say it better myself.  OP, you need to get over your fear of online dating, otherwise you are seriously limiting your options.  Every single one of my serious relationships from the last ten years, including my husband was from online dating.

You can really refine and hone your search based on what you want by religious preference, income, education, profession.  Beats sitting around some bar stool and having to sift through a lot of random creeps when you can do that on a computer at home in your pajamas.

Follow mmsva’s tips and you will be good to go:)

Post # 12
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Soladylike: I met my Fiance online, but in a video game.  What made me feel more at ease about the whole thing was going slow before meeting in person.  We talked through a voice-communication software and eventually starting webcamming on Skype.  We first added each other on Facebook a few months after we met, though.  I never worried about him being an ax-murderer, etc, though I do still tease him about that, hehe.

Post # 14
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I met my future husband on OKCupid.  Its free – you can take it as seriously or as not seriously as you want – and its a good way to get back out there and meet people without feeling pressure to go “out” to bars and whatnot. 

I highly recommend it – because even if the date is a total failure, you end up finding new restaurants or fun spots you wouldn’t have otherwise tried!  And you get back in to a comfort zone with dating.

Post # 15
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Soladylike: I met my Fiance on eHarmony.  Yes, there are turds out there, but no more so than the usual “pick up” spots…

Post # 16
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@PutABirdOnIt: Thanks! But I would caution about being too strict with your filters. I met Darling Husband when I was pissed one night and really loosened up my filters. I only kept 2 on– age but my range was 25-55 (I was 38 at the time) and distance since I have a bad habit of getting into LDR. Swore up and down I would never, ever, ever, ever, *ever* date a smoker and lo and behold, I married one. Luckily, he finally quit, but that wasn’t until after we got married. You just never know…

 

@Soladylike: If you don’t load a picture, you won’t get any traffic. Sorry, guys are visual. My friend only has a picture up (no profile) and she still gets guys writing her all the time. I just don’t want you to be diappointed if no one is looking at your profile. There is nothing wrong or shameful about being online. No one online will judge you. In fact they will judge you more if you don’t have a picture up. Just take the leap and try it (with a picture). 🙂 PM me and I’ll give you my OKCupid profile name and you can see an example of a profile.

 

One more tip– women should have a visual reference in their profile name and men should have a personality reference. If you are a red head maybe ‘crimsonCutie’ or if you have long legs– leggyLaughter.

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