(Closed) How to get Best Friend to discuss his relationship

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Their careers, income, commutes and anything else to do with their relationship is none of your business.  If he doesn’t want to talk to you about her, then stay out of it.

Post # 4
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ugh, I know this is so frustrating when you have a friend like this; I actually had to pull away from a good friend once because I thought her relationship was toxic, so I totally get your frustration.

I think unfortunately there’s not much you can do about it: if he insists on being in a relationship where he’s always fighting, all you can do is be a good friend and listen and be there when he needs you. Perhaps if you give him some time and offer a sympathetic ear if he starts to talk about something, perhaps he’ll open up a bit more. 8 years is a long time though, so he’s obviously quite attached to her; it could be that he’s just not brave enough to break away from it, or it could be that he’s really into her.

Could you maybe help give him a refuge sometimes? Take him with you when you meet other friends, or when you do group things, just to get him meeting new people? Maybe that will help him be brave enough to take the next step?

Post # 5
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Obviously he doesn’t want to talk about it with you for whatever reason…I don’t really understand why you want to push him to?

 

Post # 6
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@minted:  

Doesn’t want to talk about it? Sounds like he’s given you ALOT of information. I’d be pretty ticked off if I knew my Boyfriend or Best Friend was telling someone all the gory details of our relationship like that.  Keep in mind, I know he is your friend but you are only getting ONE side of the story.

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with the others, it’s really not your place to push him into talking about this. He is your friend and this is his decision, as an adult. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is respect his decision and find the positives in her to show him when he is complaining.

Honestly, my Fiance often vents to one of his friends. It’s just venting. Relationships are hard and take work, sometimes its nice to just blow of steam. I’d be really upset if you were a friend of my Fiance and would see what you are doing as interfering and disrespectful.

Post # 9
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s not your place to bring up his relationship.  If he wants to discuss it with you then he will bring it up.  However, the next time he complains about her to you, you are more than welcome to tell him that based on everything he complains to you about her that you don’t think she’s right for him.  Then if he still wants to talk about her ask why don’t they break up if he is so unhappy.  Tell him what qualities you think make him a great guy and why any other girl would be lucky to date him so he shouldn’t waste his time being miserable.  But you can’t just bring up his crappy girlfriend on your own.

Post # 10
Member
4476 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he wants to talk to you about, he will.  Let him do it on his own terms.  Otherwise it’s not your place.

He’s an adult.  If he chooses to stay in this crappy relationship, he’s doing so on his own free will.  You also only know his side of the story – this girl may or may not be as awful as you think.  And if he chooses to marry her, well, that’s his choice, too, and not your problem.  If it’s a mistake, it’s his mistake.

 

Post # 12
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@minted:  I get you are trying to be a good friend and that you feel he isnt “at that stage” yet…but HE has to make that decision for himself. 

 

We know a couple that we enjoy hanging out with…until they start fighting. It never fails: if we all go out, they WILL get in a fight, and they’ve been dating for like 2 years.  It’s kind of obnoxious, but neither of us has ever gone to them to intervene. Why? Because they are adults and can choose to be miserable together if they want.

 

If you friend decides to marry this woman, it really isnt your place (or his parents place) to interfere, since he is a grown-up. I would just be a supportive friend and listening ear but keep your involvement at being a sounding board. 

Post # 16
Hostess
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

All you can Ido is plant seeds by mentioning how you and Fiance compromise on things, praising your Fiance or saying how you disagreed on something and then talked it out fairly. Don’t push him to talk, if he wanted to leave he would. Just be a counterbalance, and remember that he is obviously it telling you everything or he wouldn’t still be there. 

ive been in this situation with one of my then best guy friends. It sucked. 

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