- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I know this may be not right to ask on a social site, but I would like to hear other people’s opinion on this situation. I know there’s a lot of bees that have been in an abusive relationship and want to know if there’s others that feel/felt the same way I do and how did they get closure after leaving. I don’t have too many friends, I don’t talk to my mom and would rather keep this private, besides with hundreds of strangers. Lol. But I know, no one I know would ever read this. Sorry if I get too detailed. I tell my story as well because I’ll like to think if anyone is going threw this, I’ll be able to help with my story and they’ll get out before it goes as far as my relationship did.
I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 21. The first two years were great; which I thought. He was my first love and first serious relationship. He would give me money just because, which I had no one ever do that for me. He would spoil me, always want to spend time with me, protective of me and a little jealous, which me being so naive in being in a relationship, thought he just really cares and loves me. Just to have all that bite me in the ass later.
After the two years he became more controlling, more jealous and spoiled me with buying me and taking me wherever I wanted just to stay with him. Pretty much buying my love. But I was truly in love with him and wanted so badly to make him happy and be with him. During the next six years, we lived together, he cheated on me multiple times, choked me, spit on me, forced me to do things I didn’t want to do, couldn’t cut my hair without his permission, couldn’t go out with friends, no make up, he had to approve my clothes and couldn’t even give him the impression that I was looking at another guy. Now I’m not giving any excuses, I shouldn’t been out a long time ago, but I was blindly, super blind in love with him. For how bad he was, he was just as good.
There was a balance to his moods. He was literally like two different people. Jekyll and Hyde type. We can be good for months at a time and then turn for the worse. He was sexually, pyshically, verbally and emotionally abusive. If I didn’t have sex with him, he would kick me out of the house and call me every name in the book. Made me watch porn, when I didn’t want to. He would come home with “outfits” for me to wear for him and sex accessories and toys. I gave up on life. I came to terms that this is my life and I need to live with it. I’m not close with my family, don’t have a lot of friends, especially after being with him. And the ironic thing about it was, everyone loved him! My friends, his friends, strangers. They all thought I was so lucky and he was a down to earth guy. Which he was with everyone but me. He was a great person and friend, but a horrible boyfriend. He treated strangers better than he treated me.
I think the worse part of this all is when I got pregnant. He threaten to throw acid on our babies face, slash my tires, make my life a miserable hell if I had our baby. I knew I didn’t want to bring a baby into this lifestyle. And forever I was going to be protecting my baby from him. I couldn’t have this “man” in my life. I never regret my decision, but I always remember who could’ve been my first child.
After 8 years of being with him, I finally left. Its kinda like the lifetime movie The Blue-eyed butcher, obviously with a different ending. But I know if I didn’t leave, he would’ve end up killing me, if I didn’t kill him first. With a couple of months of him stalking, calling, harassing me, he finally left me alone. It’s been three years now and I am happily engaged to the most wondering man I know. I still have my traumatized issues I’m working on but he knows my past and helps me get pass them. I always tell him that I wouldn’t change a single thing in my past because it brought me here with him today. I am so happy now.
However, I am so not in love with my ex or I don’t care for him, but I can’t help but to find myself bothered by him still. It’s like I want him to hurt by knowing that I’m happy now, without him, even though he said no one would ever love me. And that I’m marrying a man that’s 100x a better man that he’ll ever be. I want him to know that I survived without him and became a better person with a happy life. He might not care, but I was with him through most of my 20s and he took so much from me. I died inside, lost myself and want him to know that I gained myself back and so much more. I want closure that he knows I’m doing great despite how much he said I was a loser, bitch, cunt, slut and worthless.
I feel like writing him a letter stating all this, but then i feel like that might be the dumbest thing to do. How did you get closure after being in an abusive relationship?