Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for a few months – and THRILLED and very excited to be getting married. But…. I kinda just want to be married, and not have to get married. When I was waiting, I had the pinterest boards, had pretty much picked out decor and bridesmaids dresses (without even thinking if I wanted bridesmaids), and had all kinds of ideas.
Now that it’s happening, I just don’t care about any of the details. I think pre-planning before was just a way to get excited about engagement, but I’m kinda “blah” about wedding planning.
We are going to have a big-ish wedding (120-130) because Fiance wants all of his family there, and we have big families.
Anyone else feel this way? I think it’s probably a good thing that I’m more excited about marriage than the wedding, but it certainly doesn’t give me much motivation to plan!
Post # 2
this is why I have chosen to just go to the courthouse! I keep saying “I just want to be married!” Thankfully, Fiance is on the same page as me and my family has been super supportive of our decision. Planning just isn’t for me! Ugh.
I had all the pins on Pinterest too before I got engaged HAHA 😉
Post # 3
I was the same way. Marriage made me more happy then getting a wedding together! I never FULLY enjoyed planning our wedding, mostly because I did 80% of the work, but I’m very happy with our marriage.
Post # 4
I feel you, OP. I always thought I’d have a great white wedding one day, but now that my man and I are engaged, I feel like I really don’t want to plan a wedding. I’m not the kind of person who loves to plan and organize stuff, and I certainly know better stuff to spend my money on. I think in the end we’ll just do an elopement somewhere. You sure you want to have a wedding? Or you agreed to this because of your FI? Maybe he’s interested in an elopement, too?
Post # 5
I wasn’t super excited to plan. Some things, yes, like choosing the photo/videographer, my dress, the food haha. Everything else was kinda stressful, even though it shouldn’t be. My best advice is not to sweat the small stuff, stay true to you and your fiance’s vision and style and know that it’s just one day. Good luck!
Post # 6
I’ve always said “I want a marriage, not a wedding” — we had started planning a wedding, said screw it now we are bringing our parents to Vegas for a simple ceremony!! 🙂
Post # 7
I feel exactly like this!! Luckily I’ve had an aunt and uncle who were recently married (each) so I will probably just follow what they did. There, half the things are figured out 😛
Post # 8
I was the same, but looking back I am glad we had a wedding. My best advise is ‘just pick’. Set up a few options (within budget, with good reviews, FI’s agreement) and then JUST PICK! Don’t stress over 70 different photographers. Pick a few to look through, go with your gut, and don’t look back.
We worked with a really reputable venue and had our wedding during their slow season, so we got a great deal. They knew the best vendors to work with in our area, which made it easy for me.
Some brides enjoy going to 200 bridal shows and trying on 70 different dresses. I went dress shopping twice, probably tried on about 15 dresses total. I found a dress I liked that was in budget and looked good on me…boom! keep it moving! no need to stress over every little detail if you truly don’t care.
You really can plan a wedding quickly. There is still a LOT to do, but cut out the things you don’t care about. Pick the top 5 things you and Fiance care about. Hammer those out, see where the budget stands, then pick the next 5 things you care about. Keep going until you dont care about anything else or run out of budget. Then, you’re done.
We cared about:
1- good food and booze
2- Good photographer
3- Good DJ
4- Meaningful ceremony
5- Venue had to be cloes to the freeway, easy to get to, with good hotel option near by for out of town guests.
I made our flowers and centerpieces, found out invitations online but addressed/inserted them myself, printed my own menus for reception, let bridesmaids pick their own dresses of the same color.
Post # 9
i knew i was getting married but DH still wanted to do the big proposal thing (and I knew the date of it). about a week before the official proposal there was one of those big weddings expos. i wasn’t into it but my mom really wanted to go. i pictured a small (80ish person wedding, DH wanted a 300 person wedding). when i got home from the bridal expo, i asked DH if we could elope instead.
i even told my mom, who was paying for the wedding, that she could plan the whole thing. but she said no, it was DH and I’s wedding and we should do it.
so we had a lovely wedding with 120 people. it really didn’t take a lot of planning, booked venue and then all vendors in the first 2 months. took care of a few things in the the next couple months , then the last month or 2 had all the finalization. i was really happy witha 7 month engagement. i had to make decisions and not dwell on things.
so it is ok not to be crazy, gaga over wedding planning. i certainly wasn’t. i found it stress free and easy but hope to never have to do it again.
Post # 10
Wait, did I write this?! Haha I feel you girl! Before I got engaged but when I knew it would happen soon I talked wedding almost every day with my mom but then the day came and I HAVE to talk wedding every day with my mom. Not really, but you get the idea. There are times that I love it (getting my dress, picking out wedding bands, taking our engagement photos, deciding on the readings for our ceremony) but those times are few and far between. I’m about half way there and I can’t even tell you how many times I suggessted eloping to my Fiance. I think there is so much stress to “do what you want” but then the back lash from family or friends when you didn’t do what they wanted. Or the billions of vendors and price tags and shit that doesn’t really matter that you “have to do” and it’s all just crazy. My suggestion is to only involve people who you want to be involved and will be happy to do it with you best interest at heart. It’s a long path and you want as little conflict and hardship as possible a long the way. Just remember to breath and vent to your Fiance about it all. This is an emotional journey for the two of you. Good luck bee!
Post # 11
Yep! Really just wish I could pay someone to do it all for me! I was never the girl who dreamed of her wedding since childhood. I thought I wanted it, because that’s what everyone does, right? But now I’m 5 months away and don’t have much planned. Should have done a destination wedding with a big, causual party when we got back.
Post # 12
I would recommend grouping tasks in such a way that you get to do some of the more fun stuff (honeymoon planning, music selections, cake tasting) once you complete some of the more monotinous stuff (vendor choices, guest list, etc) so that you have something to look forward to and don’t get too burnt out on all the boring details.
Post # 13
Same here! I love weddings, I love planning imaginary weddings – but planning the whole thing for real? Not so much. If it were up to us we would elope but our families would be very disappointed so that is a no. Basically, I like to look at pretty things and arrange them, but that is where the excitement ends.
The best advice I have is this: let people who are actually excited have their fun. I don’t care what centrepieces we have. I briefly mentioned that I like lanterns and SO’s aunt overheard that. She now has free reign over the centrepieces and couldn’t be more excited. I couldn’t be bothered to think about cake. SO wanted something fancy, so he is getting a Doctor Who groom’s cake, although that is not common here. Grandma, aunts and cousins want to bake? Sure, saves me the trouble of ordering extra cake (we agreed on a naked cake, there will be stuff to cut, don’t worry).
And to be honest, with everyone being so excited (first wedding in forever for both families) and having so much fun, I am getting a wee bit excited myself. It is nice to see everyone so happy and not get stressed out myself.
Post # 14
Delegating to people who actually want to do it is a great idea. We are only having a big wedding because Fiance is from a small town and grew up with a wedding as a rite of passage, so it’s important to him and his family. Some of my friends and his family are a bit wedding gaga, so I should delegate things (like centrepieces or whatever that I could care less about) to them. I’ve avoided delegating anything because I don’t want to “make anyone do anything” – but to be honest I think a lot of them actually do want to do it.
Post # 15
Thanks for the helpful advice 🙂 I’m going to try to involve more people who seem to enjoy it/care more about the details than I do. I avoided it not wanting to inconvenience anyone, but it turns out many really want to help.