(Closed) How to get Hubby to help around the house?

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 3
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Bribe him with sexual favors?

Post # 4
4948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Could you simply ask?  πŸ˜‰  And be sure to praise what he does to help – even if it doesn’t turn out quite right!  

Post # 5
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Sprain your ankle.  LOL, I kid, but my husband has done ALL THE CHORES this week and its kinda nice!  Though I could do without the foot pain, haha!


Seriously though, I’ve had good luck asking him to help with one chore while I do another, ie empty the dishwasher while I cook dinner.

Post # 6
741 posts
Busy bee

I try to ask in a serious, normal voice and leave the whiney “baaabe, caaan you pleeease” out of it LOL πŸ™‚

Post # 7
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I gave up…but we are hiring a maid…

Post # 8
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Regina Phalange:  LOL..I sometimes tell Darling Husband it turns me on when he helps me. He thinks that’s funny…but it’s kinda true. 

Post # 9
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i don’t even ask.

“on your days off work, i need you to clean these two rooms. i will be getting these three on my days off.”


Post # 10
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I find that my husband cleans when I do, he just isn’t as likely to clean spontaneously on his own. But if I start doing dishes he’ll then take out the trash or do laundry without prompting. Sometimes I will ask him to do something and he does it within 24 hours. He’s pretty good about that. πŸ™‚

Post # 11
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve just been having this issue lately. He has his little computer corner that gets to be a mess, and he seems to feel it’s “his area” that can be as disgusting and cluttered as he likes… but it’s not like it’s hidden or anything, it’s in full view of the rest of the room! He actually told me to STOP taking his dirty clothes off the floor there and putting them in the hamper, as he puts them there to remind him to wear them again!

The funny thing is that I’m not even THAT much of a stickler for organization and I don’t necessarily need something out of Apartment Therapy to live in… but my threshhold for mess is just a bit more sensitive than his, and that’s all it takes for us to lock heads sometimes. (I’m also becoming my mother – she could never stand a mess in the summer, said it made her feel like it was hotter than it really was. I never understood until suddenly I’m starting to feel that way too!)

I wish I knew the answer, anyway. πŸ™ Sometimes he gets this mood where he feels like because he’s at home, he’s entitled to rest and relax, and if I ask him to help me with somethingeven if it’s just “can you put your plate in the sink” [five steps away from where he is right now] he treats this interruption like it is an unfair intrusion on fun time by a nagging mother. On the first, polite request!

It’s not always like that, but I can never predict when it’ll happen. We just had a whole big fight-turned-actual-discussion about it actually, and he said he saw where I was coming from, so hopefully that’ll help. (Note, we work the same hours and get paid the same, so that’s not a factor.)

I don’t recommend this method (have a giant fight and then a reasonable discussion when you calm down) but if you can skip to the reasonable discussion of how it makes you feel… that might be helpful.

Post # 12
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rusticbee2014:  Haha I couldn’t agree more!  DH does not like when I whine!


I ask him to clean when I’m cleaning too so it can get done quicker.  I’ve found he’s much more willing to clean when I’m doing the same thing at the same time as opposed to when it’s just him cleaning!

Post # 13
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@michiru4ever:  Ha! It’s so funny that you mention those two chores because that exact thing happened earlier today. We got home from the gym, and I went straight to the sink to get rid of the dishes we left from the night before (lazy HisMoon!). Without any word about it, Fiance got the garbage and took it to the dumpster. There were many thanks given.

I know not all men are the same so no generalizations here, but I have only ever been with men who seem stuck in the little kid, “need to be told what to do and how to do it” stage when it comes to cleaning. ExH is a mama’s boy who was/is spoiled rotten by his mother, and Fiance is just straight up a slob when left on his own. Luckily, he understands how important it is to me to keep a semi-neat home, and he will pitch in when I ask. I’ve noticed that he is getting better about putting things properly away on his own. 

I feel terrible talking about him like he’s a child or a pet, but seriously it’s about positive reinforcement. It’s good manners to thank people anyway, but I make sure to thank him for every little thing I notice him do in the cleaning department. I definitely play up the “yay” and delight factors to show him how happy it makes me. Right now, I do most of the chores anyway since I’m unemployed/SAH, but the time is coming for school, so that’s gonna change. Hopefully all of the “training” will still hold when he has to take on more chores. If it doesn’t, well we’ve been pretty good at communicating our needs/wants, and hopefully that motivates him, too.

Post # 14
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I use a “chore chart” where I write down all the things that need to be done along with the days of the week, and stick it on the fridge. As I do things I put my first inital next to them. Since I was dishes daily I put “V” on Monday, Tuesday, etc. Anyway, after a couple of days he’ll start to notice all the “V”s and soon enough I’ll walk in to a clean house and “M”s on the day’s chore list. 

I don’t know if it’s drawing his attention to how much I actually do vs. how much he does. Or if it’s like a game to him, and he wants to win.

Post # 15
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i disconnect the router and hide all the ethernet cables.

he gets really angry, but he generally gives in and does what i need him to do.

Post # 16
463 posts
Helper bee

My strategy is: clear your mind of the concept of him “helping” around the house. It’s his house too. People who maintain their own houses aren’t helping, they’re doing the bare minimum. Helping would be cleaning up a mess that he didn’t significantly create or benefit from.

I think if you have this conviction, you can set the expectation that both people just clean up after themselves and don’t ignore chores that obviously need to be done. Like you’re just confused and kinda grossed out at him if he doesn’t do those things, and then he’s ashamed of not having his shit together.

I guess that sounds kinda bad, but we both do it to each other infrequently, and it doesn’t feel like a big deal.

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