(Closed) How to get out of going after rsvp-ing yes

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the sooner the better so that they can possibly invite someone else in your place.

I would say a phone call and apology. Explain that you thought you would be able to travel to the wedding, but you simply aren’t able to and you’re very sorry you can’t make it. I doubt they will ask for any further of an explanation, but probably appreciate you giving them as much notice as possible.

Post # 4
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010


Call them or send a message that although you thought you would be able to make it, unfortunately your plans have changed.  Leave it at that.  Please, do not wait until right before the wedding!  Do it now, happens all of the time!

Post # 6
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@tobycat: Just tell them that something came up and you’re unable to attend. If they ask for details, just tell them that its work/family/school (pick one that applies to your situation) related and you’re really sorry. However, even when I RSVP no to a wedding, I usually send a gift so you may want to consider doing that (if you haven’t already).

Post # 8
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

@tobycat: I doubt they would ask but mentioning work schedule or family plans should do it.

Post # 10
25 posts
  • Wedding: November 2010

We had about 15 people RSVP yes and then bail the day of the wedding (after we paid for them). I think as long as you tell them, hey, sorry but it turns out we can’t make it, they would (should) be appreciative that you let them know before they pay for your plate at the reception (payments are usually due at least a week before the event). You really don’t owe them an explanation, the fact you are giving them a heads up well in advance should be enough! Honestly, life happens, things come up, etc. if they are reasonable, they will understand 🙂

Post # 11
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell them now to be polite. There is no polite way to cancel just because you don’t want to attend after they have given their numbers to the caterer.

You are never required to give a reason for non-attendance. Send them a short note asap telling them that you regret that you will be unable to attend after all, and wish them a joyous day. Follow up with a gift.

Post # 12
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

Etiqette expects you to honour your commitments once you have confirmed.  Of course with provisions for emergencies, but just changing your mind or because you now want to do something different.

That said, and if you aren’t interested in any further relationship with them, call them as soon as possible.  I would also be very apologetic, and probably send along a nice gift to apologize for inconviniencing them.

I would not, as some other posters have suggested, offer to pay for your dinner.  A polite host would never accept, and it can be considered crass to discuss money.



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