Post # 1
Hello Ladies – so I’m hoping to get some advice on how to best deal with my future-SIL, also a bridesmaid. I do get along better with my FI’s older sister, but I thought it would be a nice gesture to include his other sister so I could get to know her. I’ve asked her along on some shopping trips when I bought my dress but never got a response from her (not even a ‘sorry can’t make it but have fun’) note.
So, we’re getting to the point of having to try on bridesmaid dresses – I chose the JCrew silk chiffon dresses in graphite, they can pick their own style. The dresses are all under $200, and I got them each a gift certificates that will cover a quarter of the cost when I asked them each to be bridesmaids (along with personal thank-you notes letting them know how special they each were to me). So – the cost should be within her budget and she said she liked the style. All of the girls have let me know when they are/aren’t free to try on dresses except her. She also will not let me know if she wants her hair/makeup done the day of the wedding. I’ve had my Fiance chase her on this a few times and she hasn’t gotten back to him either.
Still no word from her. What do I do now? If she wants to order the dress online herself that would be fine – and I told her that- but still no response. How do I handle this lack of responsiveness? I’m starting to take it personally, that she doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to be involved. Any advice? Or am I being a birdeszilla?
Post # 3
That stinks! I am dealing with a similar unresponsive bridesmaid for my sisters wedding – we still don’t know if she’s standing that day because she won’t get back to any of us, did not attend the bach party and will not be attending the shower (we’re assuming since no one’s heard from her).
Since she is a future SIL, if I were you I would just relax, send her an email with all the info about ordering the bmaid dress with a deadline. The next time you see her ask if she got the email and if she has any questions. If she doesn’t order her dress by the deadline (which you will know, right?) send her another email or call her to let her know it’s okay if she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. I would pretty much leave the ball in her court and don’t expect anything from her.
Sometimes I feel like bridesmaids, especially those not close to the bride or younger – never been in a wedding before, really don’t think it’s a big deal to not be involved in normal ‘bridesmaid’ activities at all. I’m sure she’s not trying to hurt your feelings, she probably just doesn’t realize what she’s doing.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 4
Also, are you close with FMIL? You could always mention something to her or ‘confide’ in her that you don’t think Future Sister-In-Law wants to be a bridesmaid and ask for advice. It’s good that your FH is chasing after her for an answer, but if she has both your FH and Future Mother-In-Law on her case about getting back to you she might be more likely to respond.
Post # 5
Oooh @moderndaisy’s suggestion was WAY better than anything I was going to say 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice ladies! I’ll just give her a deadline for when it has to be done and leave the ball in her court. If she still isn’t responsive by that point my Fiance promised me he’ll make sure she gets it done. I’ve asked him not to call her out on anything yet hoping that she gets this one thing done.
Its just making me kind of sad that she’s so unwilling to take part in the wedding-related activities. And I know that she’s done them before – she was just a Maid/Matron of Honor last year. Ah well, gotta let it go.
Post # 7
Hang in there! I was on the opposite end of the stick last year. I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my brother’s wedding and the bride didn’t do most of the work. I scheduled appointments with vendors, found shoes, centerpieces etc. It was crazy! She would email me to say can you call so and so? Like I had nothing better to do.
I would get all upset over things and vent to my mom. She kept reminding me that I need to keep the peace and just do what she asks so because we were about to be family.
So I guess I’m saying try to remain calm and remember that not all of us are super planners like you and me and care about this type of stuff. Do what moderndaisy suggested and vent to us here!
Post # 8
I think it’d be good to talk to Future Mother-In-Law about it, depending on your relationship with her. I know my Future Mother-In-Law would get his sisters going if either of them were doing something like that! That was really generous of you to give them those giftcards, by the way, especially for such a re-wearable dress.