Post # 1
I know there have been a lot of other posts like this but I have to throw mine in too…
I’m not engaged to my boyfriend, but he has made it clear that it’s something that he wants in the future. Anyway, he was the best mad for his brother’s wedding and earlier in the year he planned his bachelor party (weekend trip to Austin). They rented a house while there. Before he left he told me that his brother doesn’t even like strip clubs but that was all that was said about it.
Months later, I found out that they had a stripper come the first night to the house (whatever, I’m fine with that). However, the next night there, they had two girls come to the house – They got naked, danced on the guys and each other, played sex games (all i know of this is that the groom laid down on the ground with money on him and the girls would pick it up with their vaginas), and then the girls fingered each other and went down on each other — All while the guys were forming a circle around them.
I’m FURIOUS that these girls were invited to THEIR house and my boyfriend planned it. It makes me sick to my stomach picturing two girls eating each other out a foot in front of my boyfriend. WHen I discovered what happened and brought it up with him he didn’t see why it was a big deal and kept making comments about how everyone does it and told me not to bring it up again and to get over it and he just won’t do it again.
However, I can’t get over it — Mainly because i was just dismissed by him. When I try to talk about it to help get over it. I asked him why he thought It was an okay thing to do and he just blew up at me and said i need to get over it and if i bring it up again we’re going to have major problems – while he was angry he siad that I can’t limit him with what he does and he’s goign to go to bachelor parties and he doesn’t have to tell me what goes on and he’s allowed to have secrets. Of course when he calmed down he told me he wasn’t going to do it again — but his conflicting messages make me not trust him.
Other bachelor parties are going to come up and I don’t want to be the girl to tell him he can’t go to bachelor parties but i am NOT comfortable with what happened… I think I am most upset that he had a say in planning this, did not include me at all, goes beyond the normal “stripper”, and they actually came to their house.
What do i do?
Post # 3
He planned a sex show for a bachelor party and lied to you about it. I think that even if you told him he “couldn’t” attend other bachelor parties, he would probably lie to you about that too. I think that you need to figure out if he is trustworthy and if you do trust him. In my opinion and experience, it’s not normal or customary to have a sex show for s bachelor party. I take no issue with strippers or strip clubs, but girls having sex with each other for money is pretty skeezy.
Post # 4
That sucks 🙁 For me, that would be a relationship dealbreaker. I would be so hurt if my FH engaged in activities like that and it would be unforgivable. If you’re willing to stay with him I think all you can do is just is just accept the fact that he told you he won’t do it anymore.
Post # 5
Sorry to tell your SO, but no, not every man has sex shows for bachelor’s parties. In fact, most that I have heard of simply go bar hopping and MAY end up at a strip club. What I find even more perturbing is what he said to you. For me, NO MAN talks to me like that. I can understand why you are having trust issues. I have no advice for you other than you are the one who has to determine if you can overlook something like that or not.
Post # 6
This sounds like a relationship deal-breaker for me. Not only that he planned the girls, but the trust issue more than anything would bother me. Is this the man that you want to be married to?
Post # 7
Not only is the whole bachelor party sex show a deal breaker, his reaction to your confrontation seals the deal. How is he ready to get married if he’s unwilling to compromise? He threatened YOU with consequences because you were upset and tried to communicate with him. Is that the kind of man you want to marry? Everyone is allowed secrets, but not secrets that hurt your SO or your relationship. This man sounds misogynistic, controlling, manipulative, and waaaay to immature to be in a serious relationship. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but i’m seeing some major red flags here.
Post # 8
My fiacne just had his bachelor party last weekend, they met at a friends house, drank for a little, ate pizza, limo picked them up, drank in the limo, went to a few strip clubs, had lap dances and drank some, and took them back to the one friends house when the night was over. I’m glad he had fun, and the guys shared the details withe me.
I would be mad about the lying, not the fact that they had strippers come to the house. If my fiances buddies planned soemthing like that I would be ok with it, just don’t hide or cover it up. Tell me and there would be no issue.
Post # 9
i’d never be with a man who had such little respect for women and was into things like live sex shows, planned them and felt they were okay because that’s what “everyone” does.
If I found out my man was into that stuff and was doing it, I would no longer be with him. I know those types of things I can’t live with or accept from my partner.
Post # 10
My fiance went to a bachelor party with a similar sex show: it was the Get Wet Girls.
I wasn’t comfortable with him going (I had heard things about them), and I was very uncomfortable after he told me what happened.
But, while I was definitely mad, I was able to get over it, because he was completely open and honest with everything that happened.
He messed up big time by not telling you about it. The worst feeling in the world is finding out things your SO should have told you from other people.
Post # 11
Honestly? I wouldn’t get over it because that’s totally unacceptable to me.
Post # 12
“just blew up at me and said i need to get over it and if i bring it up again we’re going to have major problems – while he was angry he siad that I can’t limit him with what he does and he’s goign to go to bachelor parties and he doesn’t have to tell me what goes on and he’s allowed to have secrets.”
I am sorry this has happened to you, OP. He violated your trust and lied to you about it for months. I don’t know how you can get over it if he won’t have a conversation with you about it.
Post # 13
@trueblue14: times 1,000,000
Post # 14
@lalala123: Wow… no freaking way would I be okay with that! How dare he threaten you after lying to your face? Totally unacceptable behaviour. I would be out that door so quickly.
@Pepperwoodsy: + 1
Post # 15
i’m so sorry you have to go through this. for me, the whole sex party thing would piss me off, but his reaction would be the deal breaker. i feel like he is acting extremely immature and not respecting your opinions at all. whenever my fiance gets invited to a bachelor party, he makes sure before he goes that there will not be strippers. i have never once said he could not go to strip clubs, he just respects me enough to know i wouldn’t be entirely happy with it, just like he wouldn’t like he wouldn’t be if i saw male strippers. he would never in a million years actually plan something like that and he will not be associating with any naked women for his bachelor party (he is making that decision on his own with no input from me). so no, not “everyone does it.” i think you need to ask yourself if you really want to marry a man like that.
Post # 16
Here’s the part that worries me. “He’s allowed to go to bachelor parties and not tell me what goes on.” That means this thing isn’t limited to HIS bachelor party and it’s not a one time only thing. And if he has unmarried friends in that “circle” around the girls, you bet your britches they’ll want the same thing for their bachelor parties. If you’re not comfortable with that, give it to him in no uncertain terms that those kind of parites are not for married men and he will not be attending sex shows. If he tells you to eff off again (which is basically what he’d did), pack your bags.