Post # 1
I know I know. I really should get over this. On the 12th I will have been married to my wonderful husband for 7 months. I am still hurt by the fact that neither of my 5 bridesmaids, including my sister Maid/Matron of Honor, cared to plan either a bridal shower or bachelorette party for me. Their disinterest and even blatant jealousy has even caused me to be friends with none of them, and become distant from my own sister.
One of my bridesmaids told me she would throw a bachelorette party. I was super excited, but it never happened. To this day, I don’t know what to think. It could have been money issues, busy schedules, not knowing wedding etiquette or all of the above but it still hurts. I don’t talk to these girls so confronting them is out of the question. A few weeks before the wedding I realized that the parties weren’t going to happen and I took on the task of coordinating a little luncheon for myself. but I only invited my mother-in-law, 2 aunts, Maid/Matron of Honor and cousin.
Did anyone else not have a shower and/or bachelorette not by choice? Does it still bother you or have you just taken it as a loss and moved on? I think I’m having a hard time because my engagement/wedding eventually resulted in not having friends at all.
Post # 3
I had them so I can not speak to the same feelings but I could imagine the hurt. However, get over it! I am saying that in the nicest way possible.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you didn’t have the parties you wanted and that you’ve built up resentment about it! I hope the luncheon you did have was fun!
However, I think at this point if you mention it to these ladies it will feel to them like you’ve held a petty grudge and it might damage your relationships.
Why not plan an anniversary picnic for yourself this summer? Would that help things?
Post # 5
weddings bring out the worst in people, really. i’m sorry they put a damper on your wedding, but you need to let it go. it’s been 6 months, and you’re just hurting yourself by thinking about this. remember all of the good parts surrounding your wedding.
Post # 6
It sounds like your wedding resulted in you having no friends at all by your choice. You said “Their disinterest and even blatant jealousy has even caused me to be friends with none of them, and become distant from my own sister.”
Sounds like you made the choice to end the friendships and cut off contact with your sister also.
You can choose to hang on to the hurt or put it behind you.
Time to put on your big girl panties and move on.
Post # 7
@julies1949 – No i didn’t choose to end the friendships.
Post # 9
I just didn’t have good people in my life and I am working on improving that now. Maybe someday I can throw great parties with great people, that’s how I think about it 😉
Post # 10
that does suck, i sympathize. at this point, there is not much you can do. maybe you could talk to them. it could have been totally unintentional on their part. like they were just scatter brained and didnt realize it was up to them. and actually it wasn’t, it was only really up to your Maid/Matron of Honor.
i wanted a shower and i told my sister/MOH i wanted one. (i didnt want a bachelorette so i was more worried about them planning one than not planning one). but we have that kind of relationship. i even helped her plan my shower because i am little bit of a perfectionist! but she did the same for her bridal and later baby showers. that’s just how we are.
i guess you have to decide what is most important – to possibly regain these friendships and therefore forgive and forget – even if they don’t apologize, the forgiveness is to make you feel better. so you can choose to not be resentful anymore and be happy. or you can choose to continue to not talk to them and hold this resentment and be unhappy. it sounds simple and it is, not easy though, but definitely do-able i think.
Post # 12
@PurpleUnicorn The friendships definitely did not end because of me not having a bachelorette party or bridal shower. They were probably over months before the wedding but I thought things would get better.
Post # 13
I had a very small bachelorette (with only 3 people, 2 of whom were not invited to the wedding!), and just a shower at work but no friend/family shower. I did not miss having the shower AT ALL. My friends/family live in many places, so there would not have been a practical way of having one. And, I really do not like being the center of attention the way you are at a shower.
Post # 14
@FutureMrs.Taylor: ok, i didn’t mean to imply that it was ONLY the lack of shower/bach parties, but you said that “Their disinterest and even blatant jealousy has even caused me to be friends with none of them”….so i thought it was primarily wedding-related stuff that caused the end of the friendships.
but i guess your post was not about regaining the friendships, but rather about how to get over that you didn’t have those parties. my advice is similar. because you are upset about not having the parties that *should* have been thrown by your BMs. So are you resentful at solely the lack of parties, or at the fact that your BMs didn’t seem to care enough to organize them (that is what would hurt for me)? i think if you can forgive them for it, it would help with how you feel now – whether or not you wish to be friends with them again.
Post # 15
I would just like to say it’s really crappy that no one did EITHER party for you. I think you have every right to feel hurt and a little betrayed. Unfortunately, there’s not really much you can do now about it. It sounds like maybe the friendships were starting to end anyway? I would just try to remember how you are married to the love of your life now and try not to let the bad memories before your wedding ruin that.
Post # 16
Maybe you could have an anniversary party or something for yourself to help you get over the pre wedding stuff?