(Closed) How to get over not having Shower/Bach. Party

posted 9 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Did you have pre-wedding parties?
    Yes, both : (17 votes)
    39 %
    Yes, but only the shower/bach. : (6 votes)
    14 %
    No, but by choice : (10 votes)
    23 %
    No, not by choice : (11 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 17
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I had a shower, but that was only because my mom had one for me. I did not get a bach party. The women in my family took me to Vegas, and my Maid/Matron of Honor & Mother-In-Law showed up, but I hardly call that a bach party. If it hadn’t been for my mom I wouldn’t have gone to Vegas either. It was really shitty that my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man did nothing for me, but oh well. 

    I know it hurts but you need to put it behind you now. It sounds as if you were the one to cut the ties to your relationships. Weddings really do bring out the worst in people, and you tend to find out who you can truly count on, but don’t let things go sour over something so petty.

    Post # 18
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I won’t be having these parties and it’s really b/c I have a small group of friends (very small) and my two BMs are in situations where I would never expect them to dish money out.  In fact, I want them NOT to spend money for my wedding.  Additionally, I don’t have a mom to throw a shower (no boo-hooing on that part, granted I wish there was a mom there for other reasons–having a shower isn’t even on the list).  Honestly, the bitterness is hurting you and not them.  I understand frustration and feeling resentful of past indiscretions; the sooner you move on, the better you’ll feel.  Don’t even think about them.

    Post # 19
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Just curious how old were all of your BM’s?  Did they not know that typically someone in the wedding party steps up and coordinates something for the bride?  Also did your BM’s know each other?  I ask because I have 5 BM’s, but only 2 actually are friends with each other.  The rest just know of each other through me.  My wedding is in less than 3 months and I mentioned my shower to one of my BM’s to get the ball rolling since I know the others are assuming someone else is taking care of that.  Maybe that happened with you?

    It has been 7 months so you need to try and let go of that dissapointment.  Hopefully you have made some new friendships that are even deeper  and more mature than those you lost. 

    Post # 20
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I would have loved a little bachelorette party and even hinted for one but got none. I assumed it was because I was an older bride and the fact it wasn’t my first wedding. I really didn’t expect a shower since I have a fully stocked house and needed nothing in  that area which is why we requested no gifts for the wedding. I understand your resentment. I expected some form of help from my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor and essentially got none. However, I am still friends with them; I just hope they never ask me for help during their wedding planning because I know exactly what I am going to say!

    Post # 21
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Errrrr…. I’m going to have to say, that I think it is worth saying something about it. Especially since your Maid/Matron of Honor is your sister and I would assume you’d want to keep her in your life somehow. I think there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know what happened. If they are/were your friends, someone would have brought it up “hey, what’s going on with the shower or bach party?”- as time went on.

    It’s all about approach. Start talking to your sister again and then bring up the whole party thing later. Let her know how you felt about it, and honestly ask why it didn’t come together. Maybe she tried and everyone else failed, and felt too bad to bring it up. You never know. But don’t do it in a nasty way, I beleive you may have to talk about it in order to fully move on.Then again, I have no idea how your sister is and how she reacts to things. I’m just going on what you shared.

    You should be able to tell the people you love that something they did hurt you, but don’t assume you know why- they could have had a very valid reason, so leave some room for that and don’t go into it with attitude. Whatever the outcome it, let that discussion be your closure and do your best not to hold grudges but to forgive and move forward.

    As for the other girls- if you thought their friendship was worth being in your wedding or worth your time, you may want to consider confronting them individually with the change you see in your relationship and how you are hurt and just want to talk.

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