Post # 1
I previously posted this thread : http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fsil-problemsvent
about my FSIL’s behavior. Today, a few days later, I asked Fiance if he thought it would be a nice gesture for me to ask her to hang out, ex: lunch, coffee, etc, just to try and get to know her. I had no intention of talking about her hurting my feelings, because I’m trying to let it go, and I know Fiance would worry about further tension. Also, I tend to try and give people the benefit of the doubt and MAYBE she didn’t mean anything bad. However, his response was that I should just ignore her. He said my nice gestures would be a waste of time, and that I’d be looking for a relationship with her that he doesn’t even have, and that she would just disappoint me.
My question is, how do I get over the fact that my Future Sister-In-Law has no interest in any sort of relationship with me? I’m not even asking to be best friends with her, just to be CIVIL and not feel uncomfortable around her. We have never had any sort of falling out, but her behavior initially pissed me off, but, as typical as it may be after people have cooled off a bit, I’m just hurt. How do I get over it, and has anyone dealt with anything similar? Thanks.
Post # 3
I would just concentrate on your own happiness and not let her effect me at all. She has obviously no intention on having a relationship with you so just let it go. There are always going to be people like that. We have one in our own family, and we just make a point of not going out of our way to be around her. When we are, usually there are enough people that I just don’t have to talk to her. It is sad that these people can’t come to some sort of understanding about family, but that is their loss. They had the opportunity to have a great close knit family and blew it.
Post # 4
I have the same problem, but with my Future Father-In-Law. He can’t even be civil to me, either. It upsets me mainly because I know it upsets my Fiance….but there is nothing either of us can do to change his mind or behavour. He is the one who will ultimately lose out – same as your Future Sister-In-Law.
Post # 5
I have this problem too and actually just posted about it. I wish I had more advice for you 🙁 Just keep being polite and taking the high road. There is nothing you can do to change her. Just keep focusing on your own happiness and do not let her get to you.
Post # 6
WOW! I thought I was alone in this, I also just replied to Legallyblondiebride‘s Post about her Future Sister-In-Law, man that woman hates me and won’t even say hello to me, won’t give me the time of day nothing I’ve made efforts to talk to her but she LITERALY just ignores me. One day I got fed up and talked to my Fiance about it and he told me something that has helped me tremendously! Just remember when she does things like that SHE is the one that looks rediculous! She is the one that is petty, don’t let her get to you. I mean he talked to her too but still that really helped me, when I started looking at it like that. She’s the one missing out on a relationship with the woman her brother loves. Don’t let her get to you I know it can be difficult but it’s not worth getting upset cuz like I said in my other post, they are just bitter and unhappy! Just be happy enjoy your engagement and wedding preps!!
Post # 7
My Future Sister-In-Law kind of ignores me too, I try to say hi to her in the few time I meet her, but she will not make eye contact and sometimes just walk away not hearing I said hi or something. The only one time she talked to me, she talked fast like bullets about a bird she saw on a hiking trail, I tried to ask her questions about what the bird looks like, she just ignored me, then she didn’t ask me anything back, didn’t want to get to know me at all. She is nearly 10 years older than me, married with lots of kids, I just assume she doesn’t know how to interact with me. I don’t feel hurt because I figured I am marrying him not his family. If she doesn’t want a meaningful relationship with me, it is a problem with his sibling relationship, has little or nothing to do with me.
Post # 8
@lillioness0502: Thanks so much for posting this! I posted on 2impatient’s previous thread about my SIL, who also ignores me and has not made any effort to get to know me in the last 4 years, and I’ve tried so much with her. My SIL indeed looks ridiculous, so much so that a few of my friends have commented on how ridiculous she was behaving during pictures on our wedding day and during the ceremony. I have also talked to my husband about her, and he said that she sometimes doesn’t talk to him, and he has to go through my Father-In-Law to get a message to her when she doesn’t answer his texts, and that she barely talks to cousins on one side of his family. (The cousins are really nice, btw). So clearly she is the problem. But I guess I just have to take your advice and be happy with my life–at least my Mother-In-Law, Father-In-Law, and rest of the family are friendly towards me!
Post # 9
@Cremebrulee41: Yeah it’s funny how they don’t realize they look dumb, but oh well what can we do! We try that’s it!! At least the rest of they family is happy with me too! 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks ladies! It’s just nice to know I’m not alone. Why are there so many weird FSILs out there??
Post # 11
My Future Sister-In-Law is a bit bonkers too – but it could always be worse! Your Future Sister-In-Law could only be interested in having a relationship with you for money! (at least that’s how mine is). She’s really warmed up a lot in the last couple of months (still not connecting with me or looking to have a relationship with me, but very civil, even though she owes me $200 from early 2009 that I lent her *smh, a long story for another time). She is a hairdresser, so she’s offered to do some of the bridal party’s hair if I wanted to (I am still torn on this even though it will be good financially for some of my girls because she is NOT reliable).
Here is what I realized though – you will be surprised how she will warm up when you have a baby. Things change when you have a baby (or so I hear lol) , and this person is going to be your SIL for the rest of your life. If she’s not warming up now, there’s plenty of time for it. People get confused when people aren’t civil to them when they didn’t do anything wrong (or at least I know that I do) but some people just take a lot longer to warm up. I think things will change for you, but in due time. Chin up 🙂 You’ve got a lot of fellow bees who are in the same boat as you…
Post # 13
I agree with your Fiance. Stop trying. You can and should be civil towards her but you cannot control her actions/reactions so stop trying. You speak to her, invite her etc. and expect her not to speak, respond. If she does it would be a pleasant surprise. If you keep expecting her to change, like your Fiance said, you’ll just be disappointed. It is what it is. Maybe one day she’ll come around but don’t get your hopes up. If it happens – great! If it doesn’t, don’t worry about it. Your relationship obligations are to your Fiance not his sis. And By The Way, don’t ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. It would just frustrate you and make you miserable. You are not obligated to ask her. If she should for some reason ask you, honestly tell her that she’s been so cold over the last 4 years you felt she wouldn’t want to participate.