How to get over Waiting blues??

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I threw myself into my hobbies with a force that can only be considered manic. I told myself something that my favorite yoga teacher says all the time: 

Nothing changes when you touch your toes. 

My relationship with this man isn’t gonna change just because we’re engaged. I know he loves me, I know I love him, we have a great time together whenever we’re together, and when we aren’t together, I have things to occupy my time. Don’t start pressuring him, and risk ruining the surprise or ruining his enjoyment of this special time! 

If all else fails, there is always wine. 

 

Post # 3
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

 I am in the same boat and miserable. He said it was going to happen in a “couple of months” three weeks ago, but he is the best man in a wedding next week which has been irritating.

He is so busy planning his buddy’s bachelor party and shelling out $$$ and it is making me paranoid that my engagement is going to be delayed because of this.

Post # 4
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I can relate! We have also picked a ring out finally. I’m just waiting for the proposal! Waiting sucks but i have been wanting to start a little business so i am focused on that. It helps and also just spending more time doing fun things with my SO.

I’m learning that patience is key during the waiting period. We have awhile before the deadline is up. Im hoping my SO does it way before then. Just hang in there and keep busy. I know the feeling. Good luck!!😁

Post # 5
Member
820 posts
Busy bee

I know the feeling. We picked out the ring weeks ago and he told me yesterday that it arrived back at the jeweler and is ready to be picked up. If I didn’t have a gel mani I’d be biting the heck out of my nails right now. I’m so anxious/excited/nervous it’s unreal.

Post # 6
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

Remember a lot of guys love to propose during the holidays. I would say if he hasn’t done it by then, definitely have a frank talk with him. If he didn’t have the ring, I would say talk now, but since he has it, he’s probably waiting for the right moment.

Post # 7
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I found the ring over two and a half years ago and haven’t said a word. We’ve been together four and a half years and I have told him I would never have made him wait that long. He didn’t say anything back when I said that. We don’t have a timeline, but if it doesn’t happen by the five year mark, I have will have some decisions to make.

Good luck to you!

Post # 8
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
alletheottb :  Wow ☹ did he say what the hold up was? That’s a long time to wait and he already has the ring

Post # 9
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think the answer is for you to keep busy or learn to be more patient- I think the answer is for your boyfriend to treat you like an equal in the relationship. ‘Soon’ is not only vague and patronizing (I went through this with my DH), it’s too open to interpretation for you to be sure you’re both on the same page. If it’s important for him to do the whole ‘surprise’ thing…sigh…then he can at least give you a timeframe. ‘before the end of 2017’ or ‘by our anniversary’ – this can alleviate you being left in limbo while still giving him plenty of leeway to plan the where/when & how of it. 

But have a conversation- ‘soon’ could mean anything from ‘within the next two weeks’ to ‘in the next couple of years’. 

View original reply
alletheottb :  2 1/2 years seems like an awfully long time to hold onto a ring without proposing and when you commented on this and were met with silence?! Sorry, but I wouldn’t wait until the five year mark to have a conversation. 

Post # 10
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
rosembee :  I don’t know what the holdup is. I just figured he would have done it on his own by now. I didn’t want to ruin any surprises. But it has been way too long for me to act surprised at this point.

Post # 11
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Yeah it really is. I didn’t want to ruin any surprises though. I was hoping he would do it on his own. I didn’t tell him because I that it would prolong the proposal if it was meant to be a surprise. Clearly I’m not going to be all happy, excited, and surprised if it does happen at this point. I’ve waited so long. You guys are reaffirming what my gut has been telling me, so I’ll bring the conversation right back up in the next week. Thanks for your comments!

Post # 12
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
alletheottb :  You’re welcome, and IA with you. You can still be happy at the proposal of course, but I truly don’t get how guys think they can wait years and still have the woman speechless with surprise. If a surprise proposal is that important- then logically the guy should propose SOONER not later, when he lets so much time pass then IMO he’s forfeited the ‘surprise’ element. That shipped has sailed buddy and he’s the one who let it sail. My own DH was the same way and TBH it caused some unnecesary drama. Best advice I can give is-he’s your partner, never be afraid to talk to him about anything. 

Post # 13
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Oh this has definitely caused unneccessary drama. This is a great place to vent and have support from like-minded women!

Post # 14
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
alletheottb :  Oh man! Sorry that this is happening. I think you should sit and talk to him. It’s long overdue at this point. Good luck and I hope he understands.

Post # 15
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Finger Lakes, NY

I’ve only just decided that I am officially waiting and I’m already going nuts. I’ve been with him over 4.5 years (5 at the end of January) and we were at a wedding this weekend and for the first time he didn’t get all RAWR over the very idea of marriage. He actually acknowledged that it’s something he’ll need to do if he wants to start discussing “well at OUR wedding” with me.

We made a list of all of our ring sizes a good two years ago, so I think I may do a tidy up at some point to find it and be like “hey, babe, you’ll need this list of my ring sizes at some point” at him and then not so subtly highlight the fact that my ring fingers are both a 6 at their biggest. Then probably give him my etsy log-in information so he can see what styles of ring I like. I trust him to pick out something that’ll floor me. He’s better at reading my taste than he realizes.

Otherwise, I’m going to preoccupy myself with planning our vacation later this month and continuing to work on the start of my career. Oh, and houses. We’re gonna start looking at houses.

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