(Closed) How to get the ring you want, but not being a jerk about it?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

What I did was I just said one day “Hey, you know what kind of rings I really like? Solitaires. I feel like they are classic and timeless. Just thought I’d let you know!” and that was that. If you have more specific ideas about what you want, I’d just email him a few photos on what you like and then let it be.

Post # 17
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I always look in jeweller windows when we’re out shopping (he complains when I do it now as I ‘aready have the ring what are you looking at!’) and point out anything I like. And if the subject came up, I’d just describe what I thought I liked, without going too technical because I don’t think he knows what solitaire means even now…

Post # 18
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

At first I thought that straight up telling him what I wanted would somehow make it less “magical”. But I know how picky I am and didn’t want to secretly dislike my ring. I told him exactly what I wanted. My engagement was still ridiculously magical and I have the most perfect ring ever. 

Just be uprfront 🙂

Post # 19
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

Honestly I was most worried about assuring him he DIDN’T have to spend a fortune and I wanted to make sure he knew I liked moissanite best. I set up a pinterest board with my favorites, and after we were already talking about rings, I had him help me pick between two that I truly loved. I basically just said “hey, this is no pressure, I just want your honest opinion on which one of these you like better” and laid out how I thought it was ridiculous to buy a diamond when moissanite was so much cheaper, and that I liked both of these rings because they were very affordable, but I nedded his help to choose. I liked them both but he liked one much better, so then he felt like he picked it, even though really I picked it. And now he knows which one to get! I just keep a big fat link saying “this is the one we picked together!” at the top of my pinterest board, and I sent him the link after the conversation lol

Mirroring OP, I’d be happy with anything, but to me him getting the best deal and a quality product is more important than being super traditional, where girls get no say and the guy just has to fend for himself. We’re partners and we help each other make decisions for everything else in life, why should this be any different?

Post # 20
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Go to the jewelry store together to look at and try on rings, and then tell him what strikes your fancy. 

Post # 22
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - The Summit Country Day School Chapel/The Hilton Netherland Plaza Hall of Mirrors

I showed him a few pictures of what I wanted before we went out browsing for the actual ring. I’m glad I did because he said everything he would have picked was everything I didn’t want. I narrowed it down to three when we went and left the final decision up to him. Luckily, I happen to know that he chose my number one choice . He said he was OK with my input because he wanted me to absolutely love what was going to be on my finger for the rest of my life. Now I just have to wait for him to propose!

Post # 23
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

kasumilove:  Darling Husband wanted to pick out my ring but I’m very picky and I worked in fine jewelry for years so I know what’s what. Before my e-ring he had never bought a piece of jewelry. I honestly just sent him a long ass email. I included several examples (the cheapest was $250 and the most expensive was $1,500) as well as descriptions. I’ve tried to help guys buy e-rings before and I know what salespeople ask so I wrote: 

– I prefer 18k white gold but I don’t care about the diamond carat size as much as the setting design. 

– I like vintage art deco era settings that sit low on your hand. I don’t like high settings because they’re uncomfortable. I don’t like solitaires or halos. 

– I like diamonds, sapphires, and emeralds. 

– I like rings with multiple stones and lots of geometric designs. I don’t like really dainty rings. 

He bought me the perfect authentic art deco beauty. 

Post # 24
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Every once in awhile I would send him pics to his phone of rings I liked (haha).  It’s not like we never talked about marriage!!  I mean come on.  

Then about 4 months before we got engaged, we looked at rings at Jared and Kay.  It was my idea.  I said “Hey, let’s stop in and look” on one free Saturday.  It was great – I found the one I liked, they took down his name and phone number in case he wanted to come back.  Easy peasy.  

I was still surprised when he proposed (I had no idea it was coming) and he did talk to my parents first.  Perfect!

Post # 25
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

swonderful:  As someone who worked in jewelry, why would you want 18k gold?  I heard it’s much less sturdy than 14k.  Just curious.

p.s. OP it’s so good to tell him what you want.  YOU’RE the one who has to wear it for the rest of your life (and you’d want to!) so let him know!  These threads on here with bees that hate their rings break my heart, but I always wonder why they didn’t talk about it with their men.  Getting married is a mutual decision.

Post # 26
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

SaraJeanQ:  Hey! You’re right, it is relatively less sturdy, but the difference between say 10k white gold and 18k white gold isn’t the same as the difference between 10k yellow gold and 18k yellow gold. Since there are more other metals mixed into white gold than yellow gold it is overall more sturdy as a metal. For example, 24k yellow gold is highly malleable and can easily bend (most Indian jewlery is at least 18k yellow gold and at most 24k yellow gold),  but 18k white gold is still very sturdy for everyday wear because it’s less pure. 

I personally prefer 18k white gold for purely aesthetic reasons. I am middle eastern and am fair skinned but have very yellow undertones so the extra bright white nature of 18k white gold looks good on my skin. To be honest if money were no object I probably would have opted for platinum but if you like the look of platinum and don’t have the budget for it 18k white gold is the next best thing. 

Post # 28
Member
2487 posts
Buzzing bee

If I loved a man and  hoped for a future with him, I’d trust his taste in rings as I’d trust his taste in women.

I picked my own engagement ring and hated it for 30 years.

Darling Husband got annoyed that I didn’t wear it, had it reset, and I love it.

Trust me when I say that your taste in jewelry come in a distant second to having found the right man to marry. Let him have this one.

Post # 29
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I thought I would be thrilled with any ring until I started to actually look at them online and I realized there are many styles I do.not.like.
At that point, while talking rings with my SO, I suggested we go look at some together because *I* wanted to try them on and see how they look on my hand, because some styles suit certain finger dimensions, and some don’t. I honestly kind of played it like “I want to see how they look on me” but it was also 50% for him to hear me say “I like this style. I don’t like this style.” and see what they look like. I’m really glad we did it because the rings he was pointing out as things he likes are not my cup of tea at all, 
After I tried on rings, I started bookmarking rings I like, and I did end up sending him an email with the links and commentary. I figured telling him what I like about each ring could help him with a choice, or to take the best from a few rings and find something that combines them.
I’ve also revisited the list and told him “I loved that ring when I sent the email but I’ve been thinking about it and I dislike these features because X and Y with work, or mittens, or wedding band fits” or whatnot. I asked him if the commentary way too much, or too pushy, or if it made him feel like he had less involvement, and he assured me that it was extremely helpful and that having some characteristics narrowed down makes it less daunting.
He has a list of like, 5 Moissaniteco links, and he can pull from those what he likes. I want him to like it, too, but he realizes it’s a piece I’ll be wearing every day for the rest of my life, and he wants me to love it.

The topic ‘How to get the ring you want, but not being a jerk about it?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors