Post # 17
I still have to tell/ask Fiance to do things. I assume because I “just know” things need to be done, he will too…totally not the case. He doesn’t see things like that or he’ll just overlook it. So I just make him a list, that way he is scatterbrained trying to remember what I said 🙂
Post # 18
After fighting this war for a year, I finally came to my senses. I sat down with him, shut off the TV and explained that I was NOT going to do the housework by myself, I need help, and it’s his responsibility too. There are certain chores that he sucks at, and ones that I’m horrible at. He vacuums (I hate it with a passion), and I clean the bathroom. He’s good at taking direction, so I’ll tell him ‘wipe down all the countertops, and make sure you remove all items on the countertops and wipe them down as well’. We have a time to clean every Sunday, and that way he doesn’t feel like I’m trying to interrupt his video game time, since it’s pre-scheduled. Mini-cleanings throughout the week are just as needed – wiping off the stove, dishes, etc. If I’m cleaning, he’ll empty the dishwasher and load it. And vice versa.
This only happened because we talked about it. If I had just been upset and not said anything, nothing would have changed.
Post # 19
my DH helps a bit, but he gets distracted. I try and remind him without nagging. Nagging gets me NOWHERE, and even makes it worse. I try and say, “hey if you do _dishes__, then i’ll do __laundry__ and we’ll dinner at 7pm?” .. sometimes that works!
Post # 21
My DH and I had a learning curve on this one. There were a few factors:
1. I have different standards than he does.
2. It took me awhile to realize he TRULY DIDN’T see all the things that needed to be done.
3. I needed to understand when/how he prefers to do chores, and work within those parameters to get him to help.
DH is now a rockstar, and is super helpful. Here’s how it worked for us.
I needed to realize that I have different standards. I needed to actually point out to him what was wrong in a room in order for him to see it. And at the same time, I needed to relax my standards a bit. As a PP suggested, I needed to make sure not to criticize him if his work wasn’t exactly like I would do it. I spoke calmly to his husband, mentioned how much I needed his help, and talk to him about his expectations. For me, I’d rather get chores done during the weekend all at once and then not worry about it during the week. For him, he’d rather do stuff during the week and relax on the weekends. Thus my desire to spend 4 hours doing chores together on the weekend was even harder on him than I thought. So now I tell him on Monday and Thursday chores I really would like/need to be done. He can do them during the week or the weekend–his choice.
Also, DH hates getting one “chore” after another. So I list all the things I’d like him to do, and then remind him of them one after another. Sometimes I just tell him there are 5 chores, and then give them one at a time, and he likes that (I don’t suggest this as a general approach–I would HATE it, but that’s what he prefers.)
We are to the point now where I don’t have to do that anymore. He looks around, sees what needs to be done, and does it without being asked. It’s awesome! But as you can see, it took us awhile to get there.