(Closed) How to give Future In-Laws a Polite "Shut Up!"

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Once you find the answer to your question, please let me know!

Post # 4
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Can you try just saying, thanks for the advice, but we’re going to do x.  Over and over until they get the hint? LOL or “We really appreciate your adivce but we’re really excited about our decisions for our special day”.

Perhaps your Fiance should sit them down nicely and say something to them about how you’d both like to plan this day the way you would like and that you’d both appreciate it if they would keep judgemental comments to themselves.  

Post # 5
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve seen other posts on this topic and the best advice I’ve seen is to tell them as little as possible -cheerfully, breezily, and vaguely. “what caterer have you chosen?” “oh someone good, you’ll love it!” “who is it?” “we’re so excited, we’re keeping it a surprise!” “what are you doing for x decor” “oh gosh, I’m still working though that” – let them offer opinions, but if you don’t reveal your choices they can’t critisize them. Good luck!

Post # 6
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MrsWoW:  great idea!

Post # 7
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would just let them give their opinion. Everyone will have gone you just have to know which ones to actually consider. Weddings are important peels parents want to feel like they’ve had some part in the planning. 


Post # 8
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Next time they ask about your plans, tell them that you want it to be a surprise. lol  Or you can just say something along the lines of, “Thank you for your advice, but we’d really like to do it THIS way.”

Post # 10
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Aquilina:  Maybe just say ‘thanks so much for your helpful advice, but I have my own ideas for _____.’ 

Post # 11
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

@Aquilina:  That’s important – and by ignoring the behavior, you are also sending the message that it’s OK. So, that behavior will probably continue if/when you’re pregnant…when the baby’s here…etc. You’ll probably get it anyway, but at least you can  diminish it some. Fiance should takem ore of a lead, even approach his parents and tell them, “We appreciate your help on everything, but she and I are settled on everything. It’s going to be great – just wait and see.”



Post # 12
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We deal with something like this too. We keep everything strictly on a need to know basis — if we don’t get the question, we don’t give info, and if we do, we try to be vague. 

We like to say things that make it sound like we’ll consider things when we won’t. 

“Ooh, there’s an idea, thanks, we’ll think about that.”

“That’s interesting, let me look into that.”

For more negative: “Hmm… I dunno…. maybe…. [subject change.]”

If you answer in a way that simply acknowleges without agreeing or disagreeing, they can’t get upset, and when they show up at the wedding and it’s different, they’re not exactly going to complain. (I mean how rude would that be? You could just laugh that off!) For that to work though, you have to quietly take them out of the loop and only give them info they really need to know. 

On a couple of religious issues, FH has stepped in — something that needs a plain and simple no should be HIS job, as it’s his family. Stuff like:

“Thanks for the idea, though I’m not really sure it fits into our plans.”

And in one instance, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m sorry, we’re not comfortable with that.”

The topic ‘How to give Future In-Laws a Polite "Shut Up!"’ is closed to new replies.

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