Post # 1
So my fiance and I just got engaged a few weeks ago (YAY!) And turns out we need to get married sooner than we’d hoped if we want to live together at his new base in December. So I was thinking we could just have a small civil ceremony, with only close friends and immideate family, and start planning our real wedding for next year. So if I were to send out marriage announcments to all people that would be invited to the wedding later.. Would there be a polite way to let them know gifts/money are welcome now? Or that we have registered somewhere? Because obviously if we’re moving in right after this civil ceremony- that’s when all of those gifts would make more sense to get! Let me know what you think.
Post # 3
sorry, i don’t think there is ever a polite way to ask for gifts or money.
Post # 4
I don’t know if there is ever a polite way to ask/imply for a gift. Maybe with your wedding announcment you can include a “we’re moving” notice and people may send a “housewarming gift”?
Post # 5
I think you will just have to wait until you have our marriage celebration next year. If someone wants to send something now, they will. Since it sounds like many people wont be invited to this ceremony, it would be odd to request or imply you would like a gift from them.
Post # 6
its been my experience that only close friends and family send gifts when they arent invited to a wedding. also my experience that when you have the reception a year later, you wont get the same enthusiasm (or gifts) except for close friends and family.
so, unless you plan to shell out for a reception. dont expect any gifts. i certainly dotn send gifts for every “we’re married!” announcement i recieve. no dinner/dancing/celebration = no gift from me unless we are quite close.
Post # 7
I have to agree with all the other replies. There is no polite or tactful way to ask for gifts…ever, really. If your friends and family feel obliged to send a gift, they will; otherwise, you will just have to buy the things you need for your home yourself.
Post # 8
Yeah, I am with the other ladies, you might receive gifts from those who attend your civil ceremony, but I wouldn’t be sending a gift just for a marriage announcement!
Post # 9
You really shouldn’t ask for gifts – people will be insulted. It’s okay to register in case anyone asks, but you shouldn’t tell them unless they ask.
Post # 10
I agree with the other posters – people won’t get you gifts just because you get married. Most guests get gifts when they are invited to the ceremony/reception. You’ll likely receive the gifts at your “public” wedding.
Post # 11
The only way to do this is to send a marriage announcement. People who follow etiquette rules will then find out if you’re registered and give a gift. We did this just recently for our friends who had a baby. They sent out a birth announcement so I immediatley went online, found their registry (you should NOT include this info in the announcement) and sent them a nice gift.
Post # 12
fyi, even if i received a marriage announcement, this would leave a bad taste in my mouth. marriage announcements seem like just another way to ask for gifts to me.
Post # 13
Maybe have a house warming party?
Post # 14
Nope…..there is no polite way. I agree with all the PP’s. Your statement:
Because obviously if we’re moving in right after this civil ceremony- that’s when all of those gifts would make more sense to get!
implies that you feel gifts are expected. Hate to break it to you but not everyone gives gifts. Almost half of our guests didn’t give us anything….not even a card.
Post # 15
Yeah unfortunately the previous posters are right.. I think you can only really hope to get most gifts at the actually wedding itself. It wont sound right to the guests if you try to ask them to send gifts in advance of the wedding
Post # 16
@Mrs. Meowerson: Announcements are fairly standard and generally most people understand that they’re purely there to inform, not gift-grab. You shouldn’t feel compelled to give a gift.
To the OP, to reiterate Mrs. Alias, you can set up a registry; you just can’t advertise it. Those who want to give you a gift will either send one to you of their own choosing or call you or someone close to you for registry information. But unfortunately, if you don’t have a wedding, you’re probably not going to receive that many gifts.