(Closed) how to gracefully kick my bridesmaid out of the wedding party…?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 63
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

i think you pulled off the email nicely, let us know what happens. that gives her a good out just in case she’s not up for it, but is still very friendly and nice.

Post # 64
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@bretonvirgniia:  I am going to have to agree with your reasons. I think to ask a Bridesmaid or Best Man to step down you need a very good excuse, and to me, you have a good one! If she shows no interest in your friendship, and doesn’t even speak to you then that’s safe to say you’re not close friends – and usually BMs are close friends!

 

Post # 65
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  Yay! Glad she responed and it was a positive response! Talking in person is always better than email/text/phone conversations so maybe she will be able to open up about why she’s been so distant. She may not even realize she’s been avoiding you. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt, because you are right, good friends are hard to come by.

Have fun at the concert! Sounds awesome!

Post # 66
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I was in the same situation! My bridesmaid stopped responding to things all the girls were discussing and she stopped pretty much talking to all of us. I called her and asked what was up with her. She felt like we werent receptive to her suggestions and ideas. Maybe try talking to her and see if she feels this way too?? She might feel like the rest of the bridesmaids got a hold of it and she is not needed (which is totally not cool!). Hope she comes around soon for you! 🙂

Post # 67
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Going through something similar that might play out the same, I talked with Fiance and we decided that we might ask her to take a different role in the wedding since the demands of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can be a bit straining. Maybe ask her to be a reader or hostess of an upcoming party?

Post # 68
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

oooh… what an awful situation to be in… and it looks like a few bees have been through that…. but it sounds like the friendship is already drifting… so kicking her out of the wedding party won’t strengthen that… like many have said, i don’t think you can dismiss her and keep her at the friend at the same time.  but it is YOUR wedding and you have the right to be totally happy and comfortable.  tough situation.. hope it turns out well for you….

Post # 68
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2016

So one of my bridesmaids told another one of my bridesmaids that she didn’t want to be in the wedding so when I found out I told her,

Good Morning, So becky let me know that you are reconsidering being in my wedding, I totally understand we both work long hours and our lives are very hectic right now. I still hope you will not forget about me and that we can still remain friends and hang out, and that you and you boyfriend will still consider coming to the wedding and spending our special day with us. Thank you for letting becky know, I know you didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but everything will work out. 

Post # 69
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
Sunshine09:  I had to do the same thing. Only mine wasn’t in person. My Bridesmaid or Best Man lived a few hours away so everything had to be done over the phone. Problem is, she never returned phone calls (always waaaaaayy too busy) or texted back. She’d come up to visit family and never call me. The friendship was one sided, I see that now. I eventually did get her on the phone and had the heart to heart that I so desperately needed. It was a mutual decision for her to step down from Co-MOH to a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Even after that, she still sucked as well. She has a new BFF now so good riddance.

Post # 70
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

This is just me personally.  Please do not think I’m saying you NEED to do this, I’m just telling you what I’m doing.

I’m kind of in a similar situation.  I worked with a couple of girls for YEARS, and we were inseparable.  Recently I took a different job (same town, different location).  We’ve barely seen each other.  We all have different lives, and I know they have stuff going on, too.

I do feel like they’ve been kind of MIA in the bridesmaid department.  I have friends that live hours away that are bridesmaids and have been available more (and seriously, I haven’t asked them to do much) and I’ve seen them quite a bit more. 

One seriously cancelled dinner plans AT THE TIME WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET.

That ticked me off. I was already there.

Anyway, I feel like they’ve been MIA. 

But honestly… it’s not worth it to me to possibly cut off a friendship, and I know that’s what it’d do if I tried to have a conversation with them.  They’ll show up to things if they can (wedding rehearsal is non-negotiable, and if they’re not at THAT then I’m having my wedding coordinator call them and tell them their services are no longer needed – yes, there was actually a question about the rehearsal if you can believe it) and if they don’t show up to showers…

Whatever.

I’m seriously trying not to sweat the small stuff.  And to me, it’s small stuff.  They’re still in the wedding.  They’ve ordered the dresses.  I keep them informed of dates and what’s going on, and they don’t respond, but whatever.  They’ll show up to the wedding.  Hopefully they’ll show up to the rehearsal.

And if they don’t…

It doesn’t matter because in June I’m marrying the most amazing man.  And if they’re not there to see it, that’s their loss.  I’m going to be Elsa and “let it go.” 

I don’t know if that helps.  I know it’s extremely frustrating.  I still get annoyed and frustrated with these two (and my poor sister and Maid/Matron of Honor has had an earful about it a few times).  But my amazing fiance told me, “They’re not the best of friends I guess, but they’re not the worst.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.  It’s not about them, though, and don’t make it about them.  This is about us.  If they make it, great.  If not – we’re still getting married.”

I’m really sorry.  It sucks.  I hope that you can either “let it go” or if it gets to the point where a conversation needs to be had I hope it goes as nicely as possible. 

In the end, you’re still getting married.  Keep thinking about that.  🙂

 

Post # 71
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
Coral99:  I know this is an old post…but your friend who was jealous and lied…I have that situation right now with my MoH. I feel like I made a huge mistake picking her and want her out. She’s been my biggest source of stress and i honestly feel like she’s trying to sabotage my wedding. If you could go back, would you kick her out?

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