Post # 1
I’m having a major issue with one of my bridesmaids right now. My fiancé and I are getting married Feb 24 the same day his grandparents got married 76 years ago. We chose this date because we wanted it to be extra special. Well the other day I was looking at some inspiration pictures and came across one of the bridesmaids wearing dresses that are almost exactly like the ones my girls will be wearing and teal necklaces. It looked so pretty so I sent the picture to all my BM’s and they all loved it. All but one. She immediately told me NO! She wasn’t taking off the necklace her boyfriend gave her! She claimed that it was her day too and that she has already compromised enough of her day as is. She keeps going on and on about how it is HER day! Why? Because her and her boyfriend made their relationship official on Feb 24 and that will be their one year anniversary even though they have been dating for over 5 years now. Her and her bf are both in the wedding and he is my fiancé’s roommate and he thinks she is being ridicules. I told her she didn’t have to take her necklace off and suggested that she just wear the other necklace over it long enough to take pictures and she still said no absolutely not. I would just chalk it up to her having a bad day but her attitude has been horrible towards me for the last few weeks. I told my fiancé to leave it alone because I don’t want to cause problems with him and his roommate. I don’t want any drama this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and I am so upset over how she is being towards me. It is to the point I am not even sure I want her at the wedding because I am afraid she is going to be bitter and rude and cause drama because she feels that we are imposing on her anniversary. I say if she felt this way then she should have said so before she said she would be a bridesmaid. HELP… What do I do?
Post # 3
When I first started reading this, I was going to suggest offering to let her wear both necklaces, but, as it seems you already did that, she’s being ridiculous. I’m usually one for being really lenient on BMs (they’re our nearest & dearest, after all), but it sounds like she’s really not being a good friend to you. Perhaps offer her an out? Something like “I understand if you feel you need to celebrate your anniversary with your boyfriend on Feb 24th, if you would like to spend this special day with him instead of being in the wedding party, I understand and will respect your decision. If you elect to spend the day witnessing my marriage, I hope you’ll do what you can to celebrate this special time in my life. I respect that you’d like to wear your necklace to honor the commitment you have, but I would ask that you also wear the necklace that I picked out, in order to honor my union. We are friends, and so we should both respect the days that are special to one another.”
Post # 4
She’s being ridiculous and needs to grow up. I would suggest talking to her Boyfriend or Best Friend to get him to talk to her. It’s not HER day at all.
Post # 5
Tell her it’s only for pictures and that her boyfriend will even hold the necklace for her during them and then she can put it back on. If she still refuses I agree with the idea of having her boyfriend talk to her because it’s not her day it’s yours. Maybe if he sets something up for the day before or day after for them to do as a special day she will calm down. I sense she’s a bit jealous that you’re the one getting married but it could just be her own personal issues.
Post # 6
It sounds like she has some issues- If I were a bridesmaid in a friends wedding on my anniversary I’d think it’s a fabulous way to spend your anniversary! Celebrating a close couple’s love for each other just makes everyone else feel more ‘in love’ the entire night. I hate to say it but it sounds like she might have a case of the jellies =(
Just give her some time & hopefulyl she’ll realize what a bratt she’s being. Could you maybe get her something so she could turn her necklace into a bracelet- then she’d always have it on her, just not around her neck…
Post # 7
Is this a one-time thing or a regular behavior? If this is a one-time occurance, I’d just give it a few days and talk to her again. If she acts like this regularly i’d consider asking her to fill an alternate role other than “bridesmaid”
Post # 8
@MrsUNClover: I would talk to her about her attitude. Iwould ask her if everything is ok and that you’ve noticed that lately she has not been her usual self. I would then explain to her that the majority of the wedding party has agreed on the look and most importantly you the bride want the look. Ask her if she is still willing to be a member of your wedding party because if so that a certain look is required.
Post # 9
Sigh, she needs to grow up or step down. That is just silly – it’s her anniversary, it’s your WEDDING. Big difference.
Post # 10
While I’m all for celebrating dating anniversaries, I’m astonished that she’s throwing a fit over a necklace and insisting that it’s “her day”.
In all my time with my Fiance, we haven’t celebrated on “our day” once – and I assume it’ll be the same once we get married next year. I don’t see why it’s so hard for her to chill and be a good friend.
Post # 11
Ummmm I’m really surprised to see a lot of these comments . . . because as soon as I got to the 7th line of your post, I thought: kick her out.
Weddings are stressful enough without having to deal with prima donna bridesmaids.
I most closely concur with les105: tell her that because the day is also so very special to her, she shouldn’t be burdened with the responsibility of being a bridesmaid, and she and her man can decide whether or not to attend as guests.
I see people on these boards struggle all the time with asking/not asking/kicking bridesmaids, and it’s this simple: different friends are good for different things. Not all friends are bridesmaid material.
It doesn’t mean you don’t love her, and it doesn’t mean you don’t want to be friends anymore, but it means that she doesn’t have the kind of character to be selfless and cooperative for the most important day of your life, so she can just be a guest.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 12
@LALaw: I completely agree with you. I was thinking the same thing.
Post # 13
So she has a piece of emotionally significant jewelry that means a lot to her, and you want her to ideally not wear it, or else cover it up, so she matches your vision for your photos? And she’s spending her anniversary watching a friend of hers walk down the aisle, when she’s been with a guy for five years and doesn’t even have an engagement ring yet, just this necklace? And you don’t get why it’s important to her that she wear it?
I mean, I think it’s a little silly for her to be so attached to a piece of jewelry, but there are a lot of ladies here that are pretty attached to some of their jewelry as a symbol of their relationship and some of them would probably be a little miffed with a friend that wanted them to take it off or hide it because it didn’t go with her look. I guess, if it were my friend, and she had explained to me why this particular accessory was important to her and the fact that she was spending an important day in her relationship celebrating mine instead, I’d be thinking “Is making her wear a teal necklace really that important?”
It sounds to me like she’s having a really hard time watching you get married. And yes, it’s “your day” and in an ideal world, you get whatever you want and everyone else would just shut up and put on their happy faces and fake it until they make it. But sometimes they just can’t. Especially if it feels like a big, in-their-face reminder that it’s not happening for them any time soon.
So I don’t actually think you should give the Bridesmaid or Best Man the boot over this. I think you should put aside the bride/bridesmaid hierarchy for a bit and see what’s going on with your friend. 🙂
Post # 14
UPDATE…Bridesmaidzillz is out of the wedding and is not even invited anymore! I tried to make things better and talk to her. I thougth that things were better until Thursday when I sent out a group text to all bridesmaids still waiting on their dresses that they should be in any day now and got a text back from her to exclude her from all wedding updates. When I asked her why. She replied with because I don’t give a f*** about you or your wedding, your dress is ugly and I wasted $150 on a pointless day. She kept texting me for an hour even after I asked her to stop. She told me that her bf (my fiance’s roommmate ) wasn’t allowed to be in the wedding either. I said that wasn’t her choice to make but his and she said he doesn’t give a f*** about my wedding either. Of course I knew he had no idea any of this was going on. She said I was starting drama because I told my fiance what was going on. I tell him everything. He is my bestfriend and soon to be husband. I went with one of my other bridesmaids to pick up her dress yesterday and we saw another dress in the back and well guess who’s dress it was. Oh well.. Fiance and I agree that we only want people at our wedding who love us and back us 100%.
Post # 15
@MrsUNClover: Wow, that certainly escalated quickly! I guess you don’t have to make a decision about what to do anymore. It’s unfortunate that someone who you chose as a bridesmaid turned out to behave in such an unpleasant way though – I’m sorry you had to deal with this. Hope everything goes smoothly with your other bridesmaids 🙂
Post # 16
At least she gave you the answer early enough that now you can just move on with the people that you love and enjoy the rest of your wedding planning. I think you and your SO are smart to not sweat it and just focus on all the good things to come!
Good luck with the rest of your planning!