(Closed) How to handle a sticky situation…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Honestly, I wouldn’t say anything at all unless she asks you about it. You really can’t do anything about what goes through the family grapevine (I have a ginormous family so I know how fast news can travel). IF she asks you then politely but firmly let her know that you are having a small, intimate wedding and you were unable to invite everyone.

Post # 4
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I wouldnt feel bad, its your wedding you can invite or not invite whomever you want.

She should understand that you are limited to the number of guests you can invite.  At least you are being nice enough to let her know that she isnt invited up front before she starts making plans to attend.

Post # 5
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@JamaicaBride: I agree, unless she personally brings it up to you I wouldnt worry about it

Post # 6
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, I wouldn’t address it unless she brings it up to you. You can’t call up every person who’s not invited and explain it to them. She should really understand–especially given the nature of your relationship and your history.

Easier said than done, but try not to let it bother you too much. You’re allowed to have a small wedding!

Post # 7
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Personally, I wouldn’t say anything. Your guest list is your guest list. End of story. If it’s brought up amongst family members, then I would have my mother call (or my sister or someone else besides me) because it sends the message that it’s not just you being a nasty bride; it’s the family (or even better if your parents are paaying for the wedding) the hostess herself that is making the call.

Of course, don’t be surprised if your aunt doesn’t come in protest and don’t expect to be invited when said cousin gets married, though!

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with everyone, I would stay totally silent about it until this cousin actually confronts you in person. Dismiss any comments from family about your guest list with a quick “Oh, we’re having a small wedding but it will still be great I promise!” or something like that and change the subject. Refuse to talk about it as graciously as possible.

Post # 9
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree that you should not say anything to your cousin unless she approaches you with her concerns.

Post # 10
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

She, of all people, should understand how hard navigating a guest list is!  If she doesn’t contact you, don’t force the issue.  Hopefully she’ll just finish venting and get over it 🙂

Post # 11
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree to let it go unless she brings it up.  I heard a lot of comments through the grapevine from people not invited to my wedding (I had a small guestlist like you), but no one actually brought it up directly to me.

Post # 12
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I totally agree with pp.  Let it go, unless she confronts you directly, and if she does, just explain the situation, emphasizing how you completely understand what she went through two years ago with her wedding.  Hopefully, that will make her realize the constraints you are under and help her to be understanding about it.

Post # 14
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I will laugh if you come back on here saying that she contacted you and is just so upset about it all.  Because your response to her should be: “I never said anything when you got married two years ago because it didn’t bother me and it’s not my business who you invite or don’t.  I would think you should understand this.  No, you’re not invited.”

Post # 16
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your Aunt was very rude and inappropriate in telling you about your cousin being upset.  This is information that should not have been shared and if I were you, I would pretend that it wasn’t.  There is no nice way to tell someone they didn’t make the cut.  I’d leave this one alone if I were you – to do anything else will just stir the pot.

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