(Closed) How to handle aunt irking me with negativity

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I would just ignore it. You’ll do nothing but fan the flames.

Post # 4
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I think specifically with the facebook post I would just ignore it. If you remove it, you will just have to hear about that. More crap for you to deal with and it really doesn’t have to affect you or what other people think of you.  

I’ve found with people like this a polite, VERY brief and emotionally detached response works best. It’s hard to describe on the internet because a lot of it requires tone control. Something like . . .

Aunt: I CAN’T believe you decided to serve turkey for dinner! I guess my suggestion of chicken just wasn’t good enough. No one ever seems to appreciate my opinion.”  (Does this sound like her or am I missing the mark?)

You: “Well, I’m very sorry you feel that way. (then turn to “Uncle Frank”) So Frank, I heard that puppy of yours is having a litter!”  or whatever you and someone else talk about.

That way you are giving her an acknowledgement as to not encourage MORE acting out, but it cuts the attention she is seeking short by you making it obvious that you are moving on. If she continues past this, then the atually ignoring should start. 

 

I hope that makes sense!

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I happen to love chopped liver pate and would probably say something like “Oh is that an offer? I would love some liver pate?”

 

Post # 6
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have family members who are the exact same way.  My mother included.  I’ve learned to just shrug it off, roll my eyes, etc.  There’s not much you can do to change them.  Have to make light of said situation.

Post # 9
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

My sister is exactly like this and often starts FB drama (ie – her and her “bf” fight in comments and status’! IT’S ANNOYING, way to air your dirty laundry, anyways). I completely agree with @Tunacupcakes: acknowledge her presence but don’t indulge her. I generally ignore my sister or make a brief but flat comment. Problem is, the rest of the family still puts up with her bs so it makes it harder to have her knock it off!

Post # 11
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@SweetRose2011: I feel your pain, I really do. Best thing to do is stick to your guns. If family starts asking you why you are acting like this to said aunt, just be honest!

Post # 12
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Ditto “I’m sorry you feel that way” and changing the topic.

Can’t you block her from your feed and choose who sees what you post?  If so, I’d be blocking away.

The more I am around someone negative, the less I hear what they say.  My grandmother used to be this way really bad and I would get to the point that I wouldn’t even want to talk to her.  She has gotten tons better but this morning she started it again; thankfully I was on my way out.  Mother-In-Law is very negative; Darling Husband dislikes talking to her and has flat out told her he doesn’t talk to her as much because she is so negative and always complaining.  She didn’t listen but my approach has been to slowly back away.

Post # 13
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Ahh! I’m frustrated for you! 

My boyfriend’s mother is indulged this way when she acts out. She throws a hissy fit or acts like a huge b!tch and magically everyone is apologizing for inconsequential things and going out of their way to make her happy. So…well…yeah. I understand. lol

Is there any reason that you couldn’t talk with your other relatives, perhaps just the immediate ones? It’s not like she’s a problem for just you. I’m trying to think how you could go about discussing what needs to be done as a family unit without making a big hullabaloo about it. Honestly, if the other members didn’t indulge her as well, it would be MUCH easier and have more of an effect. I hate to use the word training, but it’s like when you are training a dog to not beg at the table. You are doing everything you can, and then someone else in the family is quietly handing them table scraps! Eventually the dog will learn not to beg from YOU, but it takes much longer and is more painful. Sorry to compare your aunt to a dog. 😉

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