Post # 1
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
We have been married three months and just had our first major fight as a married couple. We were invited to a gala Saturday night by my husband’s friends as their guests; it happened to be for the school I used to work at. My friends/old co-workers were checking us in and one asked if we would like to swipe our credit card for the auction. We didn’t have any intention of participating, but I was SO embarrassed by my husband’s reply. He gave a curt “we’re not giving any money….we’re poor.” I don’t know if he was trying to be funny, but I just felt super awkward and embarrassed, especially because the friend who asked about the cc is someone I really adore and recently reconnected with. He said he froze and didn’t know what to say, but what a terrible first impression. I don’t know why he couldn’t have just said, “no, thank you.” We are definitely not poor; we are just in post-wedding savings mode. I’ve told him before that you shouldn’t talk about money in public and it’s not the first time I’ve felt embarrased because he acted without tact. I was so upset and humiliated, I didn’t want to get out of bed yesterday and didn’t want to be around him. I forgave him last night, but I wish I could get over it. I know I care too much about what other people think, but I hate thinking about getting together with my friend again. How do you prevent another embarrasment? I kept thinking, did his mother not teach him manners? He kept saying that I blew it out of proportion and that he’s not perfect, but geeze, how do you get someone to think before they say something? How do you stop being embarrassed? It’s hard to feel attracted to your husband when you feel so upset.
Post # 5
Member
47429 posts
Honey Beekeeper
vanessa7: Can you 100% guarantee that you will never say or do anything that will embarass your husband? If not, forgive and move on. If yes, maintain your superior position.
He wasn’t expecting the question, he blurted out an answer. Let it go
Post # 2
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
I think maybe you blew it out of proportion. I think you just need to get over it. It wasn’t something to get this embarrassed about. I’m sure your friend thought nothing of it.
Post # 3
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
vanessa7: Men do stupid things at times. I would brush it off and hopefully you’ll do the talking next time.
Post # 4
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
I think you may be overreacting. Sure his comment was unnecessary but so was your over the top response, didn’t want to get out of bed?
You can’t control what another human being says, you can control how you react to it.
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This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by
KC-2722.
Post # 6
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
I doubt anyone took this as that you are actually ‘poor’ – these days that term is often used as shorthand for ‘I don’t want to spend money on that’ (as in ‘do you want to fly to vegas this weekend? ‘ ‘sorry, no, we’re poor now, but thanks for asking’). Frankly, if I was there I would have thought it was a lighthearted and kind of amusing reponse to being asked for money at an event. So I think you over-reacted, but I would also (gently, this is not a ding at you) note that even if you were *actually* ‘poor’, that is no reason to be embarrassed or humilitated. Behaving badly is a reason to be embarrassed, but a temporary (or even permanent) lack of monetary resources is not.
Post # 7
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper
Wow, overreaction to the extreme. What he said wasn’t even that embarrassing, sounded just like a way to deflect from talking any more about finances. If that type of comment makes you not want to get out of bed in the mornings …. sheesh. Tough life ahead.
Post # 8
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
Mrs_Amanda: No need for the sarcasm.
Thank you. I realize I overreacted, but it stung.
Post # 9
Member
2673 posts
Sugar bee
vanessa7: his response was definitely tactless and inappropriate. But, it sounds like you’ve made your point and he realizes his mistake. So, at this point the best thing for you to do is to let it go.
Post # 10
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
vanessa7: it stung? really? even that is pretty dramatic. I would let this go. Especially since you realize you overreacted. I guarantee you are the only one who is still thinking about this.
Post # 11
Member
3057 posts
Sugar bee
vanessa7: I see where you are coming from, but if someone said that to me I would have just chuckled and went along with the night. I doubt the person he said it to really sat there and thought about your money problems. I think you are overdoing it a bit, but i think seeing how much this really affected you, he will think twice next time.
Post # 12
Member
4437 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
Wow, yeah I’ve got to agree that you overreacted. Not being able to get out of bed because your husband made a crack about you guys being poor? Are your friends that stuffy that they couldn’t laugh it off? You do need to worry less about what other people think. I’m actually poor and I know that because I’m not invited to galas lol.
Post # 13
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
Yeah, it was a stupid thing to say. But jeez, let it go. What would you like him to do? Call up all your friends and explain to them that you actually are not poor and he mis-spoke?<br /><br />
Everyone says dumb things sometimes. Accepting that is part of life (and marriage).
Post # 14
Member
13722 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I agree with you that H should have handled that differently, but it also sounds like you did overreact significantly. Your friend probably did take it as little more than a bit of self deprecating newly married humor. Even so, H provided information that was no one’s business, even in jest, so I am with you there.
TBH, the friend was also way out of line if, as your host, he really did shake you guys down for a credit card. In that sense, he probably was the one who should be most embarrassed. The most he should have done was to provide information as to how the auction worked if you were interested. But as a first time incident of its kind, I would have just spoken to H about privacy, things that are no one’s else’s business, and the other ways he could respond if he’s put in that kind of situation in the future.
Post # 15
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
vanessa7: You definitely overreacted. That was not a big deal and it sounds like you care too much about what other people think.